babysacay Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Here's what I would say to my ex if I weren't in NC: It bothers me that you kept blaming everything on me. Yeah I had my role but you did too. I was gonna back off and be patient until you were less busy and could commit time to dating...but then I saw you updating your POF profile. Talk about inconsistency...you said we were gonna see where things go and then you updated your profile to date other women...but not me. That's why I hounded you...to get a straight answer from you because your actions were different from your words. And you said you never gave up when we last talked...you were the one who broke it off and stopped trying. That IS giving up. How is that not giving up in your eyes?? I was the one who didn't give up. And you said I'm selfish? You acted selfishly too. Our whole relationship revolved around you and when you could talk and you couldn't be bothered to set aside time to work on things when all I wanted was to connect with you and work on our relationship. Oh and remember the time you got mad at me for not visiting because I was busy with grad school and my thesis? Then when I visited, the only time we had together was dinner because you were so busy with your problem-house. But during dinner you were on your phone. So don't give me any crap about you not giving up. I know you probably won't read this but I'm still upset at how hypocritical and condescending I felt you were towards me. I know I should've backed off but even when I did, that didn't matter to you. You didnt notice the positive improvement I'd made. You were so focused on blaming me you couldn't be bothered to see the part you played in it all. And forgive me for not believing that your trip with your female friend who had feelings for you and was pissed when we got together is purely platonic. Last time an ex told me he was going on a trip with a platonic friend, they slept together and got married. So yeah. It's completely irrational of me to feel hurt and angry. Right
preraph Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Yeah, and he'll never want to hear that, will he? But feels a little better to get it off your chest, I hope.
Author babysacay Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 Feels so much better to get it off my chest! Too bad he'll never take responsibility for any of it. I deserve better. All my friends and family keep telling me that but it's still hard :/
Maldives Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 (edited) Hey thanks for tour thoughts and what ud like to say I can relate My ex was the same for yrs she use to blame me for chucking the towel in yet in the end it was her. They're almost narcissistic but not quiet. They're kinda in that in between space. My fortunes have changed lol thank God. Literally thanking God. Her bf who was working wth us i was shocked and relieved to learn has moved to work and live overseas. Now at least I can breathe a bit easier at work. I started feeling sorry for her but was reminded why I shouldn't. I think in the end im gonna be thankful im not in her world because of of all the problems it came wth and issues. For her to be able to leave her kids go is something good to take into consideration about her personality. I'm not one to judge because I went thru that whole custody battle and saw how depressed she was about going back home. Sometimes people in these situations have to be selfish just to survive and manage. What I won't forget and need to remind myself in case she ever came back is that she wasat nice to me in the break up in the mths proceeding it and was quick to date. I believe she intentionally tried to hurt me. Im not sure why. Part of me believes she blames me partially for losing her kids even tho they were her decisions they really were in the end. People like her and ur ex are somewhat immature I believe. She's out partying all the time and part of me actually believes she loves it and the freedom but I suspect wen she's home alone it hits her especially about her kids cause I saw how close a bond she had wth her son. I believe they r lost souls masking there pain wth bandaid solutions like partying, dating etc. That's what I believe.. My mate showed me her fb time line I felt indifferent enough to look and I'm glad I did actually. I know on here the advice is not to but I think in this case because I wss feeling sory for her it was a good thing and a good reminder why u wouldn't wanna go back to that. I was surprised she still had photos of me and her on her fb from holidays abroad. Im not really sure why she kept em but wen I saw them maybe she's deleted a whole heap but wanted to keep a few but there were still quiet a few. Weird I don't get it? Maybe it's for show I donno anyway. It's nice writing these feelings down I believe it's very therapeutic. Let's share our stories and healing together and embrace and lift one another up on here. Big hug and thx for sharing... Btw I deleted all our photos on fb but saved em on my phn and stored em away I don't believe in totally destroying all traces. It was someone who u shared a very intimate part of ur life wth. Edited June 10, 2017 by Goodguy05
Author babysacay Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 Thank you all for your support! It means so much to not go through this alone.
airborne3502 Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Thank you all for your support! It means so much to not go through this alone. You've got all of LS in your corner. A breakup sucks, but once your mind and heart arrive at the same place, you'll see it was all for the best. Better treatment awaits. I'd like to tell my ex that I know she lied to me, but to what end? She chose the path she wanted to be on. Good riddance.
Author babysacay Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 (edited) My heart and mind are about 90% in right place now. I have some sort of weird satisfaction thinking that if my ex doesn't change his ways and accept responsibility for his part in relationships then his relationships will never stay happy. All our dynamic was was him blaming me, me accepting responsibility and working on change, which I'll continue. He told me, "When I'm with someone that listens to me and can learn from me, I've never had issues." But he wouldn't listen to or learn from me. Edited June 10, 2017 by babysacay
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