Elpida Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Hello, I need your advice please... On Wednesday I had a first date with a guy from on-line dating site. We seemed to get on really well - non-stop chatting for few hours. He behaved like a gentleman, at the end of the date there was a bit of the hand holding. But then I made a big mistake - in the underground he repeatedly asked me if he could take me (to my) home. His meaning was to make sure I got home ok. I took it as to come over for sex. I said no. We said goodbyes. I was rather disappointed at what I thought he suggested. When I got home, I received few messages from him saying he had a great time, and if I got home ok. We chatted for a bit and then wished each other goodnight. He seemed to like me. In the morning he realised that I took his suggestion in a wrong way, and seemed to be very upset about that, stating that what I assumed has not even entered his mind. I apologised, noting that I did not yet know him well. Then we seemed to make up and agreed he will teach me some game we talked about during the date. This was yesterday morning. I have not heard from him since. And his profile is gone from the on-line dating site (after 3 days of being there). Ok, I offended him but then I did sincerely apologised. Is this really such a bad offence? What should I do please? Wait for him to contact me? Or send a short message "how are you" in a day or two? A side note – he is separated but not yet divorced, he is not living with his wife. He did say he is as good as divorced and his marriage is truly over. Thank you very much for your help!
CptInsano Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 He may be old-fashioned, or he confuses OLD with IRL. Yes, I do remember when it was customary to walk the woman home after the date. However, just like "chilling and watching TV" is now code for something else in OLD, many people may mean literally. But that misunderstanding should be easy to explain, and I would not be offended by a woman who didn't want me to walk her home. Him being separated and not divorced is something to be far more cautious about IMHO. 1
kendahke Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Hello, I need your advice please... On Wednesday I had a first date with a guy from on-line dating site. We seemed to get on really well - non-stop chatting for few hours. He behaved like a gentleman, at the end of the date there was a bit of the hand holding. But then I made a big mistake - in the underground he repeatedly asked me if he could take me (to my) home. His meaning was to make sure I got home ok. I took it as to come over for sex. I said no. We said goodbyes. I was rather disappointed at what I thought he suggested. When I got home, I received few messages from him saying he had a great time, and if I got home ok. We chatted for a bit and then wished each other goodnight. He seemed to like me. In the morning he realised that I took his suggestion in a wrong way, and seemed to be very upset about that, stating that what I assumed has not even entered his mind. I apologised, noting that I did not yet know him well. Then we seemed to make up and agreed he will teach me some game we talked about during the date. This was yesterday morning. I have not heard from him since. And his profile is gone from the on-line dating site (after 3 days of being there). Ok, I offended him but then I did sincerely apologised. Is this really such a bad offence? What should I do please? Wait for him to contact me? Or send a short message "how are you" in a day or two? A side note – he is separated but not yet divorced, he is not living with his wife. He did say he is as good as divorced and his marriage is truly over. Thank you very much for your help! I wouldn't be apologizing for declining someone I don't know's request to walk me home. This is a matter of your safety, not his feelings. If he wants to be offended by it, then let him be offended--seems that's more important to him than you feeling safe with a stranger, which he is. I made the mistake this past week of letting a guy I'd met the day before know where I live. We were going to go take a walk in a local park and I wanted him to meet me at the park and he said it'd be easier for him to put my address in his gps and we ride together. I should have told him to put the nearest intersection to the park into his gps and he could find it just as easily. My mom admonished me about doing that and in hindsight, she's right, because the next day, he made mention of dropping by my job to surprise me (I was horrified); then he asked me how I'd feel if he'd surprise my by dropping by and taking to dinner. I felt it was a colossal intrusion into my life by someone I barely know outside of a 5 hour conversation. I'd leave him alone. You did nothing wrong. Besides, he's still has a mess he needs to clean up with the whole not having an executed divorce decree.
Kamille Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 If that's all it takes for him to get offended... He gets offended easily. I wouldn't worry about it. Let it go and see what he does next. It could be that he's not someone who texts every day in the dating phase. Don't overthink this. In fact, go do something else, something you like doing.
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Hello, I need your advice please... On Wednesday I had a first date with a guy from on-line dating site. We seemed to get on really well - non-stop chatting for few hours. He behaved like a gentleman, at the end of the date there was a bit of the hand holding. But then I made a big mistake - in the underground he repeatedly asked me if he could take me (to my) home. His meaning was to make sure I got home ok. I took it as to come over for sex. I said no. We said goodbyes. I was rather disappointed at what I thought he suggested. When I got home, I received few messages from him saying he had a great time, and if I got home ok. We chatted for a bit and then wished each other goodnight. He seemed to like me. In the morning he realised that I took his suggestion in a wrong way, and seemed to be very upset about that, stating that what I assumed has not even entered his mind. I apologised, noting that I did not yet know him well. Then we seemed to make up and agreed he will teach me some game we talked about during the date. This was yesterday morning. I have not heard from him since. And his profile is gone from the on-line dating site (after 3 days of being there). Ok, I offended him but then I did sincerely apologised. Is this really such a bad offence? What should I do please? Wait for him to contact me? Or send a short message "how are you" in a day or two? A side note – he is separated but not yet divorced, he is not living with his wife. He did say he is as good as divorced and his marriage is truly over. Thank you very much for your help! First of all, the first time you meet someone in person from an OLD site, it's not a "date". Its a simple, nice meet up to confirm that the person is who they say they are and that they look like their pictures, etc. -- get a better sense of the person beyond virtual communication. Secondly, even if a woman is on a first real date with a guy, she doesn't bring him home or show him where she lives. You still don't know "who" you're dealing with. Thirdly, it's not a good idea to try to "read" a guys mind and make any assumptions and convey that to him. You simply decline bringing him home on the basis that it's not appropriate to do that yet. If this guy liked you enough to want to schedule a real date, he will contact you again. If he is offended, that's his problem, not yours. And, if he is a gentleman and has a brain in his head, he would understand that this is a matter of common sense. If you want a real sense of where a guy is at about you, you let him contact you first for the first few dates. You are receptive and responsive if/when he does. That is your side of the "work" in the very early stage of a dating scenario. Wait this out . . . and in the meantime, accept other dating opportunities. 1
Gaeta Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 If it's all it took to offend him than good riddance. You did nothing wrong. In this day and age with online dating there is no-such-a-thing as driving you home after a date for safety reason. His profile was only 3 days on? I smell a married man. 1
PegNosePete Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 in the underground he repeatedly asked me if he could take me (to my) home. His meaning was to make sure I got home ok. Really? And you believed this story?? Seems like he tried it on, you saw right through it and turned it down, and now he's back-tracking and saying "oh yeah I didn't mean it like that..."... And now he's got YOU apologising... A side note – he is separated but not yet divorced, he is not living with his wife. He did say he is as good as divorced and his marriage is truly over. Again... this is what he says. And you believed it?? 2 learning points from this experience: 1) Don't date married guys no matter how close they say they are to divorce. 2) When a guy asks to come to your house on a first date it DOES mean for sex no matter what they say. 1
Recommended Posts