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Are most women uncomfortable dating better looking guys?

The Urbanyst

By The Urbanyst
in General Relationship Discussion

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Of course not. Whether men cheat or not doesn't have to do with their looks, and neither does whether they treat you well or not.

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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To answer OP's question: No, I don't feel uncomfortable dating someone who is naturally very good looking, at all. But someone who is trying way too hard to look good may be too high maintenance to me.

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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Well I'm gonna apply the reacher/settler theory here. If the women is more attractive than the guy, she'll be the settler and the guy will be the reacher. The settler is usually very comfortable and secure in such a relationship, knowing that the settler can't do any better than her. The settler is usually insecure, will try harder to keep the reacher happy because he knows she can do better than him. I'm sure you can flip the scenario around with the genders reversed and still end up with the same conclusions.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Are most women uncomfortable with dating a guy who is better looking than they are?

 

most couples are match up pretty evenly in the looks department

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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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Most women won't admit it, but one of the main reason's is that competition from other women is just too much for some women to have to deal with,,,

 

They'll label the guy for being "high maintenance", arrogant, self absorbed, etc..This may be true, but I dont think guys who are fit/good looking are any more arrogant than the rest of the male population in general...They aren't anything unlike every other random group of guys...Some are nice, some are shy, some are arrogant and douchey...etc...

 

If you want to see an example of this, just gauge the reaction from women when they see another woman with a good looking/well built man. They'll shyt on that woman, call her names(even though they don't know her) etc...Some may even try to get flirty and touchy with the other woman's guy...The competition is unreal..

 

Guys aren't the same...If another guy sees a guy with a woman that has a rocking body or is gorgeous, the other guys give thumbs up and nod with respect...

 

So for most women, it's just much easier to settle for the "face in the crowd" guy and not put up with the drama and catty competitiveness....I get that ...understandable...

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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The thing is, many women don't value a guy's looks that much. If someone is insecure and fears competition, she can settle with a deadbeat, even a good looking one.

 

 

Most women won't admit it, but one of the main reason's is that competition from other women is just too much for some women to have to deal with,,,

 

They'll label the guy for being "high maintenance", arrogant, self absorbed, etc..This may be true, but I dont think guys who are fit/good looking are any more arrogant than the rest of the male population in general...They aren't anything unlike every other random group of guys...Some are nice, some are shy, some are arrogant and douchey...etc...

 

If you want to see an example of this, just gauge the reaction from women when they see another woman with a good looking/well built man. They'll shyt on that woman, call her names(even though they don't know her) etc...Some may even try to get flirty and touchy with the other woman's guy...The competition is unreal..

 

Guys aren't the same...If another guy sees a guy with a woman that has a rocking body or is gorgeous, the other guys give thumbs up and nod with respect...

 

So for most women, it's just much easier to settle for the "face in the crowd" guy and not put up with the drama and catty competitiveness....I get that ...understandable...

 

TFY

tetrahedral Established Member

tetrahedral

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If a guy is in PERFECT shape, that means he's super conscious about his shape, and always has to exercise and eat right to maintain his perfect shape. This screams high maintenance and can be a turn off to some women. The same applies to those who always wear designer outfits and drive an expensive sports car. These guys, if they have good looks in addition to perfect shape, would be great for a ONS or FWB (not that I do either). But some women may not take them seriously as relationship material.

 

Funny how differently people can look at things.

 

I wouldn't care how into health/fitness a ONS or FWB is.

 

But over time I've become very wary of starting relationships with people who aren't "high maintenance".

 

At their end, I've seen exes feel stressed out because I'm eating mindfully and it makes them self conscious. Or if I bring up what I did at the gym, they'll take it as a reminder that they didn't exercise, and get down on themselves. It's not their fault or anything, just happens.

 

And at my end, I don't want to date someone who will look totally different once the effortless charm of being 20-something wears off.

  • Like 1
JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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I also wanted to echo what some have brought up: a guy's objective looks are not correlated to his integrity. I have had 3 relationships: two with someone who is objectively very good looking (certainly more good looking than myself), one with someone who is not good looking objectively. The two objectively very good looking guys treated/treat me much better than the third guy. But I wanted to point out neither of the two objectively very good looking guys had/has the hang up about their looks. Both of them were pretty casual with how they dressed/dress. I was/am attracted mainly to their intelligence and personality.

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The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

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If you want to see an example of this, just gauge the reaction from women when they see another woman with a good looking/well built man. They'll shyt on that woman, call her names(even though they don't know her) etc...Some may even try to get flirty and touchy with the other woman's guy...The competition is unreal..

 

TFY

 

Yeah, I've been out with girls and had other women try to talk to me right in front of them. This never happens when I'm alone.

 

Happened pretty recently. I tried to blow the girl off, but she kept trying to talk to me. The girl I was with didn't say or do anything. But it was awkward. Did she really think I would just drop the girl I was with and start hanging out with her on the spot? Does anyone do that? Lol.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Yeah, I've been out with girls and had other women try to talk to me right in front of them. This never happens when I'm alone.

 

Happened pretty recently. I tried to blow the girl off, but she kept trying to talk to me. The girl I was with didn't say or do anything. But it was awkward. Did she really think I would just drop the girl I was with and start hanging out with her on the spot? Does anyone do that? Lol.

 

That is very bizarre. I would never do that!

CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

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Yeah, I've been out with girls and had other women try to talk to me right in front of them. This never happens when I'm alone. [...]

 

Yes, it happens even if you brought a date. Not that frequently, but a wedding about two months ago comes to mind. :D

 

But it also happens to me from time to time when I'm by myself. Women are not that timid.

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rushed Established Member

rushed

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Are most women uncomfortable with dating a guy who is better looking than they are?

 

For me, I wouldn't say uncomfortable is the right word. Maybe insecure.

 

I usually have pretty good self-esteem. I know I'm attractive, and I've usually dated guys who were around my same level. But then these two guys I've dated come to mind. Their looks soared above mine. They could've been models - tall, chiseled face, athletic physique, 10 in looks. (And both were as nice as one could be.)

 

But I just found it so hard to be myself. Their looks just had me frozen.

 

The first guy was really sweet. But I remember driving around in the car with him, and I had absolutely nothing I could think of to talk about. I was that scared.

 

It was pretty much the same with the second guy. I didn't want to start talking because I didn't want to look stupid if I said something idiotic. So I pretty much didn't say anything. This guy asked me out again last year when I was single again. It had been a few years since we last saw each other. I told myself how stupid I had been before, and that I know I'm the ish, and to not be a silent idiot like I was last time. Yeah, the stupidness returned the second I saw him again and he was every bit as gorgeous as last time.

 

So yeah, for me, guys who are way better looking than me just totally throw me off.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Yeah, I've been out with girls and had other women try to talk to me right in front of them. This never happens when I'm alone.

 

 

Being with a woman or a group of women brings up your value.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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I dated a real good looking guy when I was a teenager...I so got the high 5, thumbs up, pat on the back, verbal congratz......it was awesome! And boy were the popular douchie girls so frickin jealous. Some tried to sabotage my relationship by telling him I was cheating on him or they saw me with another guy.....come with the territory.

 

If I was single again....hell ya I would date some young hottie!

 

I think when you get older you get that someone sooner or later is going to get hit on and it's nothing to be concerned about.

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The Urbanyst Established Member

The Urbanyst

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Being with a woman or a group of women brings up your value.

 

So women can only judge quality based on what other women think/approve of?

 

I know my opinion of a woman has nothing to do with what other men think or if she is seen with men or alone.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I like dating good looking men so bring it on!

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greymatter Established Member

greymatter

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My last boyfriend was the best looking guy I've ever dated. We were together for 14 months and my friends always commented in how handsome he is. He is very tall, lean, blue eyes and a full head of hair, has a runner's physique and isn't hairy, and a chiseled jaw and handsome face. So handsome. I never felt threatened by anyone else, because I knew he was a one-woman man based on his words and actions. We are still in touch and he just told me again that he was in love with me when we were together. We are now separated by 600 miles so will never be together again, but I was so attracted to him when we were together. He was definitely better looking than I am (unless you ask my mom).

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I've always found that the relly good looking guys treated me the best. It was always the average looking ones who ended up beng Players.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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So women can only judge quality based on what other women think/approve of?

 

I know my opinion of a woman has nothing to do with what other men think or if she is seen with men or alone.

Doesn't matter what you think......women think differently. We tend to want what everyone else wants, whether it's a guy or a handbag.

greymatter Established Member

greymatter

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Doesn't matter what you think......women think differently. We tend to want what everyone else wants, whether it's a guy or a handbag.

 

This "we" doesn't apply to all women. I don't want the popular guy or the handbag that everyone has. I'd rather have the quirky guy who is handsome to me (and who cares if he appeals to anyone else) or the amazing vintage handbag from the thrift store that looks beautiful and bohemian to me but most women would shun.

  • Like 5
JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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So women can only judge quality based on what other women think/approve of?

 

I know my opinion of a woman has nothing to do with what other men think or if she is seen with men or alone.

 

I would think some guys have this issue instead. For example, I've always suspected some guys may not dislike overweight women per se, but they don't want to be judged by other guys for dating a fat girl.

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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Yeah, I've been out with girls and had other women try to talk to me right in front of them. This never happens when I'm alone.

 

Happened pretty recently. I tried to blow the girl off, but she kept trying to talk to me. The girl I was with didn't say or do anything. But it was awkward. Did she really think I would just drop the girl I was with and start hanging out with her on the spot? Does anyone do that? Lol.

 

Are you absolutely sure she was hitting on you? Some shy girls feel more comfortable chatting with those guys who are taken, as they don't want the single guys to mistake their being friendly as romantic interest.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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I would think some guys have this issue instead. For example, I've always suspected some guys may not dislike overweight women per se, but they don't want to be judged by other guys for dating a fat girl.

 

This is probably true for a lot of guys....

 

Its the same reason guys buy nice cars and other flashy crap...A lot of life for men is a dick measuring contest...We're all guilty to some degree...

 

Most guys will tell you that the feeling they get when their gorgeous woman struts into the room and every guy there is picking their jaw up off the ground is a pretty damn good feeling...:cool:

 

If the roles are reversed, its a different feeling....A woman may get nasty and the claws immediately come out if another woman is scoping their man...They get tense and uneasy and unnerved ....Just my observations anyway,,,

 

TFY

  • Like 2
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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This forum is something else. Guys here complain that their dating obstacles are being too short, not photogenic, broke, not having an impressive job title (not true by the way). Being *too* good-looking...now that's an obstacle too? :laugh:

 

In general these threads asking women what they look for in a guy are a fool's errand. You typically will be told one thing (often what sounds politically correct) whereas the reality is often something else altogether. Pay attention to actions, not words.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 7
mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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It's all relative. I found that most men go for women who are less attractive than they are (in the face and/or body) because they want someone who is lesser than they are. And that applies to looks, intelligence, charisma, career success, education, etc. Don't believe me? It's happened more times than I care to see anymore. Same applies for women who go for men who are less attractive or lesser than they are.

 

It's all about confidence and being sure of yourself. If you feel that you deserve a bad man/woman, you get one (once you find out that they are). And vice versa.

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