chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 this is a GENERAL question is mainly for men.. if you were chatting with a female from a dating site that said to you that if after meeting the two of you dont hit it off she would like to remain friends and you would be free to pursue any of her friends instead...would this make you more interested in her or less or would it make no difference in your feelings about her?? Thanks in advance PS..for anybody that is thinking of doing so...please please please dont bring up any of my other threads into this one or repeat the same advice that has been given to me about 200 times now. This has nothing to do with anything in particular ..it is just a general and simple question that i would like a general and simple response too. Thanks in advance for respecting my wishes on this!
GorillaTheater Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Are you asking whether throwing in the bit about how I was free to pursue her friends would make me more or less interested? 1) I'd think it was a weird thing to mention. 2) I'd wonder why I'd need her permission to seek after her friends after she expressed disinterest. 3) Since she HAS expressed disinterest, it wouldn't make much difference whether it would make me more or less interested in her but to the extent it matters, it likely wouldn't make much difference. Other than me thinking she was strange. 1
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Are you asking whether throwing in the bit about how I was free to pursue her friends would make me more or less interested? 1) I'd think it was a weird thing to mention. 2) I'd wonder why I'd need her permission to seek after her friends after she expressed disinterest. 3) Since she HAS expressed disinterest, it wouldn't make much difference whether it would make me more or less interested in her but to the extent it matters, it likely wouldn't make much difference. Other than me thinking she was strange. thanks for the response:) oh okay...but you would not think it was nice that she was willing to be friends with you if things did not work out?? and that she is even going so far as to say that you are free to pursue her friends if that happens too? you would not appreciate her kindness and the friendly gesture??
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 thanks for the response:) oh okay...but you would not think it was nice that she was willing to be friends with you if things did not work out?? and that she is even going so far as to say that you are free to pursue her friends if that happens too? you would not appreciate her kindness and the friendly gesture?? I am not a man but.... How is offering friendship to a man, after you didn't click with him on a romantic level, a gesture of kindness? He knows nothing you, if he's on a dating site he's not looking for friends, so I fail to see how it's a gesture of kindness. 2
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 I am not a man but.... How is offering friendship to a man, after you didn't click with him on a romantic level, a gesture of kindness? He knows nothing you, if he's on a dating site he's not looking for friends, so I fail to see how it's a gesture of kindness. i think offering to be friends with anybody is a gesture of kindness?? most people are happy to have new friends. I know very little people that feel they have reached their quota on a good friend. Also it is kind to tell someone they can pursue their single friends if things dont work out. I dont know..i think these are kind gestures...i am surprised that others would not agree:confused:
GorillaTheater Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 i think offering to be friends with anybody is a gesture of kindness?? most people are happy to have new friends. I know very little people that feel they have reached their quota on a good friend. Also it is kind to tell someone they can pursue their single friends if things dont work out. I dont know..i think these are kind gestures...i am surprised that others would not agree:confused: But "let's be friends" is a cliché. It's the standard polite turn-down. After one date, I'd probably not be interested in friendship, anyways. Maybe, after several dates and it was clear that although we enjoyed each other's company but agreed we weren't a romantic match, friendship might be the cards, but realistically not otherwise. 1
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 i think offering to be friends with anybody is a gesture of kindness?? most people are happy to have new friends. I know very little people that feel they have reached their quota on a good friend. Also it is kind to tell someone they can pursue their single friends if things dont work out. I dont know..i think these are kind gestures...i am surprised that others would not agree:confused: Because we're not in grade 2 anymore to ask: You wanna be my friend? Once adult we fall into friendship, they happen naturally, we don't ask someone to be our friend. And like the poster above me said we know when someone offers us their friendship after a romantic fail it's in the hope of wining us through friendship. I have never accepted 'will you be my friend' after a failed date. The men I became friends with during dating became my friends naturally.
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 But "let's be friends" is a cliché. It's the standard polite turn-down. After one date, I'd probably not be interested in friendship, anyways. Maybe, after several dates and it was clear that although we enjoyed each other's company but agreed we weren't a romantic match, friendship might be the cards, but realistically not otherwise. thanks for the response:D but what if you chatted for a while before meeting and you liked her enough from talking to her but when you met her you did not click with her romantically? would you then be willing to be friends with her? thanks:)
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Because we're not in grade 2 anymore to ask: You wanna be my friend? Once adult we fall into friendship, they happen naturally, we don't ask someone to be our friend. And like the poster above me said we know when someone offers us their friendship after a romantic fail it's in the hope of wining us through friendship. I have never accepted 'will you be my friend' after a failed date. The men I became friends with during dating became my friends naturally. but what if you liked everything else about the person but just did not click romantically with them?? would you not want to be friends with them in that case?
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 this is a case where you get along in everyway with this person but they are saying if you dont click romantically you can stay friends?? would this work for you??
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I'll be frank here....no one is looking for friends on a DATING site. 2
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 I'll be frank here....no one is looking for friends on a DATING site. might not be what people are looking for but why not accept it if offered and you get along in every other way???
GorillaTheater Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 might not be what people are looking for but why not accept it if offered and you get along in every other way??? There may be the rare man who'd be game for a friendship after one failed date, but most men simply aren't going to be that interested. I mean, look, if on the first date it's clear that there's not enough interest for a second date, I'm not seeing enough of a connection on which to establish a friendship. 1
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 but what if you liked everything else about the person but just did not click romantically with them?? would you not want to be friends with them in that case? I met close to 200 men when I was online. I could not make friends with each good guys I met. I did make a couple of friends because we had common interests, we were working in the same field, we could refer each other business opportunities, etc. We have been friends for close to 4 years now, we're all in relationships now with different people. Our friendship was genuine, no one had a hidden agenda.
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 There may be the rare man who'd be game for a friendship after one failed date, but most men simply aren't going to be that interested. I mean, look, if on the first date it's clear that there's not enough interest for a second date, I'm not seeing enough of a connection on which to establish a friendship. okay..i am not really understanding that logic though...are you saying that you can only be friends with a woman that you are physically attracted to? in other words..you are unwilling to be friends with a woman if there is no potential to eventually want to date her?? I mean..liking someone as a friend and liking someone romantically are usually two different things..one requires physical attraction..the other does not. At least this is how I always seen it anyway.
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Why do you want to be friends with this particular man?
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 I met close to 200 men when I was online. I could not make friends with each good guys I met. I did make a couple of friends because we had common interests, we were working in the same field, we could refer each other business opportunities, etc. We have been friends for close to 4 years now, we're all in relationships now with different people. Our friendship was genuine, no one had a hidden agenda. well. this is what I am referring too! who said anything about a hidden agenda?? I dont remember saying that?? sounds like you are reading too much into my post..like so many others seem to do around here. wow! 200 men! thats alot!! yikes!
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Why do you want to be friends with this particular man? here we go again!! this is not about anybody in particular but a general question. did u not read my PS in my post??
GorillaTheater Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 okay..i am not really understanding that logic though...are you saying that you can only be friends with a woman that you are physically attracted to? in other words..you are unwilling to be friends with a woman if there is no potential to eventually want to date her?? I mean..liking someone as a friend and liking someone romantically are usually two different things..one requires physical attraction..the other does not. At least this is how I always seen it anyway. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that after one failed date there's simply not going to be the basis for a friendship. Gaeta noted a couple of exceptions, where there was a lot of common ground in terms of business or other interests, but it's simply not going to happen very often. Can I ask why it would be important to you to extract a friendship out of a failed date? God knows there's easier ways to make friends. 3
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 might not be what people are looking for but why not accept it if offered and you get along in every other way??? Most offers are under false pretenses. It's used as a pacifier for being rejected.....so they don't feel so bad. If you get a friendship out of it good for you, but the majority of the time it's just BS. 2
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 this is getting tiring now...if u are not going to read my entire post and come back with a question that I already asked you not to ask..please please dont respond. once again..for the 3rd time..this post is not about anybody in particular..it is a general question and requires a general answer. I would prefer to get no responses then annoying ones!! thanks
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 here we go again!! this is not about anybody in particular but a general question. did u not read my PS in my post?? Ok let me rephrase it. Why do you want to make friends with men? Why do you want to make friends with men you had a failed romance?
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that after one failed date there's simply not going to be the basis for a friendship. Gaeta noted a couple of exceptions, where there was a lot of common ground in terms of business or other interests, but it's simply not going to happen very often. Can I ask why it would be important to you to extract a friendship out of a failed date? God knows there's easier ways to make friends. well..i am referring to a situation where you have chatted for a while and got to know someone..not a situation where u had one or two conversations and then met. ..so this would be a situation where you did have the chance to get to know someone and have common ground with them.
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Ok let me rephrase it. Why do you want to make friends with men? Why do you want to make friends with men you had a failed romance?[/QUOT okay..i am done now!! bye
Author chumly Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Ok let me rephrase it. Why do you want to make friends with men? Why do you want to make friends with men you had a failed romance? okay..i am done now..bye!
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