On second date, older guy invited me back to his apartment--should I be insulted?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

he said he did some research and mentioned that if we were to date it isn't against our schools's policy because i am not under his direct supervision (i.e his student, grad student). i fact checked him of course and asked a trusted advisor at the university---and he was right. he isn't breaking any rules...so really there isn't anything to report. he's just a jerk.

 

Technically no, but it is still unprofessional and unethical behavior for a senior member of staff.

 

His behavior has the potential to reflect poorly on your college, especially if he is seeking out students to date or makes them feel uncomfortable. This is something that they WILL want to know about.

 

If one of his peers questions his behavior, it will have a better chance of getting the message across that his behavior is inappropriate.

 

He may not receive an official reprimand, but it won't go unnoticed, especially if any other students make complaints about his behavior in future, which I suspect they will.

 

It's up to you. Just don't delete any of his correspondence in case you need it.

[starrynight4321]

1. Guy talks about sex on the first date = HUGE red flag. He wants to get in your pants.

 

2. Huge age difference. Generally speaking, a 32 year old man dating a 20 year old either suffers from a severe lack of maturity (which is why he can't date women even remotely close to him in age, they aren't going to take his crap) OR he's looking for some tail. It is extremely rare that this type of thing works out and that there are genuine intentions.

 

3. Testing chemistry with sex. ANY man, woman, human being PERIOD who says that they need to have sex to know if they have a "connection" with you or "chemistry" with you is totally full of it. EVERYONE knows whether they have chemistry with someone/a connection with someone before sex comes into the picture. Every. Single. Person.

 

The "connection" and "chemistry" needed to carry a relationship into the long term develop long before you ever get to the bedroom. Anyone who says any differently is either reading too many dating guides or just looking to get into your pants.

 

I'm glad to hear you broke it off. Save that voicemail. This guy is unstable and completely immature - yet another reason he's trying to date someone 12 years younger than him.

Edited June 9, 2017 by starrynight4321