Straziin Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Well let's start off that I'm a 21 male and she's 24 female. We've been together for almost a year now. But we've been separated for 2 months now due to my issues. But still hungout, we were in an exclusive relationship. Whenever I drank this happened on about 5 different occasions on the span of that year but last time was bad. I said harsh things, which I miserably regret. It's like I can't control my jealously emotions lately and it gets into my head. She hated me after I told her things over text. I never once yelled at her but I did call a sl**. Which was dumb of me and immature. Every second away from her I'm learning and feels like I'm getting more mature. She called me names before I usually dropped it cause she was blacked out as I was blacked out every time I done so. I'm aware of my issues. So I stopped going out, tried to stop drinking I drank on my friends birthday and that's all in a month span. Never around her. So one night she accused me of drinking when I was just going for a walk with my friend. She went out with her girlfriends which upsets me cause whenever she goes out in anger, she gets back at me. Which is immature. So I got rushed of anxiety. End of the night I was blacked out and texted my group of guys. Act trashy I'll treat her like trash I'll just go sleep with hotter. Then she found out. Hated me for days on end. Till I wrote a big apology, not begging just telling her I apologize and such. Why I did that and I realize what I did wrong. So I'm starting to take online counselling on my issue as I know that's wrong and isn't me at all. I thought I had it under control. Told me she forgives me and that was mature for me to do. But sorry just doesn't cut what I've done. I gave her space to cool off. I NC her for about 4 days until she texted me asking for her to come over. She was drunk but we hungout all day after. Reason she came over was telling me no one cared for her. Like she'd spill all her problems on people she just met, then they don't care about it. Then runs to me. I said I'm sorry in person spent our day at my house. Then we talked yesterday. Told me she's not in love with me anymore as I kept hurting her and was all words. I showed no action. As I thought I was. She's still loves me and cares for me tons. Said she's not open for an relationship right now. Told me she's numb, she was already depressed like on the edge of self harming herself. She did that just last month cause she couldn't handle her emotions. I was there for her the whole time. Been holding her for weeks now as she's been upset about life. Then this happened. I broke someone already depressed and broken. But she keeps saying "I don't know" if I'm ready again it's all words. No action. Her guard is up and don't believe a word I'm saying. She has a huge wall up. "Maybe" one day she'll see things different. Losing me and having these sad feelings is enough for her. But her trusting me again and I do something dumb drunk again, will drive her over the edge. As she told me. She's not ready. I've given up hope. So I need to focus on me right now, I can't give you back that power to shatter me again. I'm so terrified. I look at you and feel pain. So I think we need to work on ourselves since I got a lot of issues myself. Cause what happens if it happens again in a few weeks? We both need to be alone right now, we bring the worst of us whenever we drink. You made me feel worthless and won't believe you see me as a princess or amazing. I just don't think you should for me anymore. Because I don't want to open my heart. I don't deserve you trying for me right now because that last incident shut me down to trusting you entirely. And I don't want you wasting your time. It's too scary I don't believe in us anymore all I see is chaos. Then asked what I suggest? Told her I understood and I'll give her space and see if she realizes I'm not the one for her or see me change for the better. As I'm working on it right now, I want to conquer it. I'm such a fool. This is the hell I'll live in right now and my consequences. Then she replied, goodnight Any thoughts on what should I do? I love her tons, she's hurt. I treat her like gold sober. Which is 95% of the time. I'm trying to stop drinking right now. As I was before but I slipped. I'm learning and adapting. And I'm trying everything to do better for us. Even started talking to a counsellor for help. My friend is in the hospital so she spammed my phone like 20 messages begging to come see me just the other day, to be there for me. But I ignored her then later said I don't want to hangout as friends. Was that a mistake? I'm trying to earn my trust back, show her she's not worthless, she's my angel. She thinks I deep down hate her, but I don't. Prove to her I changed and with actions. As I really want to before I attempt to get back together. She's always over words over actions. So what can I possibly do? NC her for a few days while we work on ourselves? I really want to text her now and ask if I can show her good times. Build attraction again. Hangout at times? Be there for her. Show action, instead of my words. Ask if I can make her smile, show actions to take the pain away, prove to her that she's not worthless. Go over the top. As she's suffering from depression lately and told me she's mentally ill. Maybe ask her to come over cause I'm upset and surprise her with something romantic? Build feelings again? Cause how would NC for 2 weeks help me, shouldn't I be showing her action? Idk if she's still in love with me as the 4 days I NC her she told me she obsessively looked at her phone every 10mins to see if I messaged her. I'm her world as she is mine. I feel extremely horrible for what I've done. Anything will help. Thanks guys.
Ronnys93 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Honestly, you both have a LOT on your plate right now. Your relationship was delving into toxicity and it is best that you do have a break from each other and work on yourself while she works on herself. The problem though is that you can't make her work on herself. I really appreciate you taking the time out to understand that you have a problem, and going to counseling for it. That's a really big step! She's going to have to take the step on her own to get counseling for her depression and self harm. You both really shouldn't even think about dating at the moment because there's just too much going on mentally and emotionally right now. I'd honestly try and talk to her about going to therapy herself, maybe even together? You both have issues that should be worked out. If you both really do love each other and feel it's worth it then focus on the issues first, THEN the relationship can start again slowly. Take your time, and try your best to get help for your issues. You can only help yourself.
Author Straziin Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Honestly, you both have a LOT on your plate right now. Your relationship was delving into toxicity and it is best that you do have a break from each other and work on yourself while she works on herself. The problem though is that you can't make her work on herself. I really appreciate you taking the time out to understand that you have a problem, and going to counseling for it. That's a really big step! She's going to have to take the step on her own to get counseling for her depression and self harm. You both really shouldn't even think about dating at the moment because there's just too much going on mentally and emotionally right now. I'd honestly try and talk to her about going to therapy herself, maybe even together? You both have issues that should be worked out. If you both really do love each other and feel it's worth it then focus on the issues first, THEN the relationship can start again slowly. Take your time, and try your best to get help for your issues. You can only help yourself. Thank you for your response. These responses get me by day by day and helps me. I agree, working out myself is my biggest concern. I used to be never that type of guy, but no man should say those things to a girl. It's not me and I realize I need more help then myself. I understand, we both said to take a step back and work on our problems alone. I don't want to come off as offensive if I ask her. Maybe I'll send her a short text tomorrow asking if this is serious, that we might have a future relationship we both need to work on our issues I'm here to help yours. Then slowly ease into it. She suffers from depression and loneliness, take drugs or binge drinks, used to sleep around to feel better for herself and less lonely. Self harms lately. Then got pissed at me the first time for not drinking to her instantly even though she was stuck with her family. Wanted me to just drive there to show I care. Her family dislikes her as of now because of her mental illness. All she told me. My first option was getting her not to hate me. But should I now get her to see me and try to change her thoughts on me? Or give it more time. 1
Ronnys93 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 My first option was getting her not to hate me. But should I now get her to see me and try to change her thoughts on me? Or give it more time. Don't worry about her hating you. Focus on yourself, getting your help, and getting better. No matter what you do, you can't make her do anything. Right now she's addicted to having you in her life, and she's using you as a way to cope. You're the instability that she craves. It's weird, but you need to detach and focus on yourself and she needs to do the same. So yes, say your piece, THEN go NC completely until you yourself are healed and well.
Author Straziin Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Don't worry about her hating you. Focus on yourself, getting your help, and getting better. No matter what you do, you can't make her do anything. Right now she's addicted to having you in her life, and she's using you as a way to cope. You're the instability that she craves. It's weird, but you need to detach and focus on yourself and she needs to do the same. So yes, say your piece, THEN go NC completely until you yourself are healed and well. Okay I will, I'm already working on it the next day I made those mistakes. I'll send her a message tomorrow. It's just hard to move on when she made those remarks. " I think" we won't be tougher in the future. Or " not right now". "One day". "Maybe" if I see things different one day. I think she craves people caring for her as well. Then when one of their friends stop, she comes running to me. 1
Author Straziin Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 Don't worry about her hating you. Focus on yourself, getting your help, and getting better. No matter what you do, you can't make her do anything. Right now she's addicted to having you in her life, and she's using you as a way to cope. You're the instability that she craves. It's weird, but you need to detach and focus on yourself and she needs to do the same. So yes, say your piece, THEN go NC completely until you yourself are healed and well. Said my piece. All she said was there was no way on us ever getting back together. So that ruined all hope for me. That she realized we brought the bad parts out on eachother. She needs to be truly alone and to be happy alone. Then that she wore my sweater lastnight but before she put it on she hugged it cause she misses me. That I know it's going to hurt saying this but we need to let go. Guess NC it is, tired of this feeling getting rejected. Can't help but wonder if she's moving on to another guy cause that's all she's done before me and while we were. Ended it with me before to see another guy. and so on just to feel happy and secure and not alone. 1
Hurtingguy Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Said my piece. All she said was there was no way on us ever getting back together. So that ruined all hope for me. That she realized we brought the bad parts out on eachother. She needs to be truly alone and to be happy alone. Then that she wore my sweater lastnight but before she put it on she hugged it cause she misses me. That I know it's going to hurt saying this but we need to let go. Guess NC it is, tired of this feeling getting rejected. Can't help but wonder if she's moving on to another guy cause that's all she's done before me and while we were. Ended it with me before to see another guy. and so on just to feel happy and secure and not alone. U need to let her go I know it's hard but don't let her do this to you Ny ex calls and texts me saying she loves and misses I don't respond anymore I need to move on and heal she left me so Why should u be there for her took me some time to realize this but I did I've only been nc for 2 days but it helps talk to your friends family come on the forum and talk if you need too everyone on here is very compassionate and will help you get through this were all here together don't think your alone 1
Author Straziin Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 U need to let her go I know it's hard but don't let her do this to you Ny ex calls and texts me saying she loves and misses I don't respond anymore I need to move on and heal she left me so Why should u be there for her took me some time to realize this but I did I've only been nc for 2 days but it helps talk to your friends family come on the forum and talk if you need too everyone on here is very compassionate and will help you get through this were all here together don't think your alone Thanks man and it's hard to let her go. She ignored my last message. She ended things like this many times before, she's very high maitnence but it's hard to let go. All I can think about is our memories. Or me writing and reading that message for 3 days now to send it to her. Then when I did there's no hope to it, she could be just bsing about the sweater just to leave breadcrumbs. Or maybe out with friends. Just sucks
Hurtingguy Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Thanks man and it's hard to let her go. She ignored my last message. She ended things like this many times before, she's very high maitnence but it's hard to let go. All I can think about is our memories. Or me writing and reading that message for 3 days now to send it to her. Then when I did there's no hope to it, she could be just bsing about the sweater just to leave breadcrumbs. Or maybe out with friends. Just sucks Exactly she's done this before time to out your foot down...why do u wanna be with someone that treats you like this? Think about the bad things she's done instead of all the good all the time.. I know it's hard when u love her as much as u do believe me I understand better then anyone letting her go mite seem like the hardest thing to do right now but if u don't start this pain will never go away you have to think about your future making yourself better agin knowing that being without her can and will be good for you make yourself a better person learn from this experience so next time u meet someone u can make it work I know it's hard to believe but u will find someone better when I split up with my ex wife years ago u though I would never be happy again but I met my current ex and she was way netter now time to move on again and actually find the right woman for myself I know what to look for now I know my bad qualities and I will fix them so that the next girl I fall in love with will be the one for me and u have to get in the same page as me...Instead of texting her write down everything u wanna say and keep it then one day when you feel better read them and see how much stronger u have become im here for u if u need to talk
Author Straziin Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 Exactly she's done this before time to out your foot down...why do u wanna be with someone that treats you like this? Think about the bad things she's done instead of all the good all the time.. I know it's hard when u love her as much as u do believe me I understand better then anyone letting her go mite seem like the hardest thing to do right now but if u don't start this pain will never go away you have to think about your future making yourself better agin knowing that being without her can and will be good for you make yourself a better person learn from this experience so next time u meet someone u can make it work I know it's hard to believe but u will find someone better when I split up with my ex wife years ago u though I would never be happy again but I met my current ex and she was way netter now time to move on again and actually find the right woman for myself I know what to look for now I know my bad qualities and I will fix them so that the next girl I fall in love with will be the one for me and u have to get in the same page as me...Instead of texting her write down everything u wanna say and keep it then one day when you feel better read them and see how much stronger u have become im here for u if u need to talk Thanks man for the big reply. I actually feel a bit better from just reading that. I know I got flaws to work on and so does she. I just will miss her tons, she was my stars. Just 4 days ago she spammed my phone saying you're just going to write me off like that? Then texted her tonight and she just written me off. Maybe she's busy with friends, I just can't seem to let go. I'm still googling for answers on what to do, as well as finding my own faults to fix, my insecurities. We both had bad times but I always forgive them, it was always when she was drinking and so was I. We are perfect sober. It sucks knowing she wants nothing to do with me just like that. She ended things like 10 times in a year over like small things, dramatic things. So I had to beg for her to come back, then when I try to do the same to teach her a lesson to be better. She'll say see you around, you messed up before so I shouldn't be at fault. Or you deserve everything I do bad as you done the same to me. I don't feel guilty.
Hurtingguy Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Thanks man for the big reply. I actually feel a bit better from just reading that. I know I got flaws to work on and so does she. I just will miss her tons, she was my stars. Just 4 days ago she spammed my phone saying you're just going to write me off like that? Then texted her tonight and she just written me off. Maybe she's busy with friends, I just can't seem to let go. I'm still googling for answers on what to do, as well as finding my own faults to fix, my insecurities. We both had bad times but I always forgive them, it was always when she was drinking and so was I. We are perfect sober. It sucks knowing she wants nothing to do with me just like that. She ended things like 10 times in a year over like small things, dramatic things. So I had to beg for her to come back, then when I try to do the same to teach her a lesson to be better. She'll say see you around, you messed up before so I shouldn't be at fault. Or you deserve everything I do bad as you done the same to me. I don't feel guilty. If she keeps breaking up with you like that over small **** then she's very immature how old are you guys? You don't need to google what to do everything u need to know u can find on this forum read other people's stories see the advice they where given.. Why should u always have to beg her to come back she knows she can have you whenever. She wants that's why she is acting like this u come off to needy and that not only turns her off it pushes her further away...since u stopped talking to my ex she calls more now texts me more what do I do Ignore her now and why u may ask cause guess what absence makes the heart grow fonder if you stop contacting her she's gonna wonder what your doing why your not calling it's gonna bother her it's gonna make her think it's the only way right now and if it's a second chance u want again then let her be if u keep going you will push her away for good take my word on that...I even had an ex from 6 years ago msg me today after nc with her all these years women are a different species they don't think like us men they do things different then us u can't sit at home all day wondering if she's gonna call what she's doing don't do that to yourself go for walks read a book go out with friends even if u wanna be alone right now that's fine it's ok to cry and miss her but keep going in with your life try and be happy and confident if she sees u sad all the time why would she wanna be with you women want someone who is fun to be with someone that makes the laugh and feel safe in trying all this now to make myself better and heal and in the meantime I hope maybe it will show her that I am not needy and clingy and can live without her and maybe she will come back to me one day but I don't bank on it yesterday was my bday and all I wanted was to be with her I cried most of the day then decided to go out with my cousin and man did that ever make me feel better friends and family is what u need and if u feel like u can't talk to them about all this come here and talk to us I'm here for u brother anytime
Author Straziin Posted June 9, 2017 Author Posted June 9, 2017 If she keeps breaking up with you like that over small **** then she's very immature how old are you guys? You don't need to google what to do everything u need to know u can find on this forum read other people's stories see the advice they where given.. Why should u always have to beg her to come back she knows she can have you whenever. She wants that's why she is acting like this u come off to needy and that not only turns her off it pushes her further away...since u stopped talking to my ex she calls more now texts me more what do I do Ignore her now and why u may ask cause guess what absence makes the heart grow fonder if you stop contacting her she's gonna wonder what your doing why your not calling it's gonna bother her it's gonna make her think it's the only way right now and if it's a second chance u want again then let her be if u keep going you will push her away for good take my word on that...I even had an ex from 6 years ago msg me today after nc with her all these years women are a different species they don't think like us men they do things different then us u can't sit at home all day wondering if she's gonna call what she's doing don't do that to yourself go for walks read a book go out with friends even if u wanna be alone right now that's fine it's ok to cry and miss her but keep going in with your life try and be happy and confident if she sees u sad all the time why would she wanna be with you women want someone who is fun to be with someone that makes the laugh and feel safe in trying all this now to make myself better and heal and in the meantime I hope maybe it will show her that I am not needy and clingy and can live without her and maybe she will come back to me one day but I don't bank on it yesterday was my bday and all I wanted was to be with her I cried most of the day then decided to go out with my cousin and man did that ever make me feel better friends and family is what u need and if u feel like u can't talk to them about all this come here and talk to us I'm here for u brother anytime Yeah everyone is saying she's immature like that. She's 24 and I'm 21. I agree with you man, I did come off as needy but everytime I messaged her was just mature and made sure I didn't seem desperate. She replied like an hour ago. Saying You know and I know we need time apart, there's too much hurt you know? I wish you well. You'll be okay babes . Which is weird, she never called me babe in months. So I assume she's hammered having a good time, can't stop but think she's out wanting to sleep with another guy. She's that type, she was seeing someone before me and wanted to sleep with me. Then when we were exclusive she slept with someone else and said she doesn't want to see me anymore then once he left her a week later she came back to me. All sad and desperate. My last two relationships I Nc and they messaged me randomly 5 months later. It's just weird how she said she's wearing my sweater and even hugged it, then now I'm stressing what she's doing single. Yeah I need to just forget about her and move on. I'm stuck on seeing her my girl I've been with, did everything with, held with. Not this girl that goes partying and such, maybe I'm overthinking but who knows. Happy belated birthday and yeah I've been going on walks lately by myself. At your spots we walked in. Tomorrow I'm just going to go out with some buddies, not drink and see what happens. It always helps
Hurtingguy Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Yeah everyone is saying she's immature like that. She's 24 and I'm 21. I agree with you man, I did come off as needy but everytime I messaged her was just mature and made sure I didn't seem desperate. She replied like an hour ago. Saying You know and I know we need time apart, there's too much hurt you know? I wish you well. You'll be okay babes . Which is weird, she never called me babe in months. So I assume she's hammered having a good time, can't stop but think she's out wanting to sleep with another guy. She's that type, she was seeing someone before me and wanted to sleep with me. Then when we were exclusive she slept with someone else and said she doesn't want to see me anymore then once he left her a week later she came back to me. All sad and desperate. My last two relationships I Nc and they messaged me randomly 5 months later. It's just weird how she said she's wearing my sweater and even hugged it, then now I'm stressing what she's doing single. Yeah I need to just forget about her and move on. I'm stuck on seeing her my girl I've been with, did everything with, held with. Not this girl that goes partying and such, maybe I'm overthinking but who knows. Happy belated birthday and yeah I've been going on walks lately by myself. At your spots we walked in. Tomorrow I'm just going to go out with some buddies, not drink and see what happens. It always helps Bro you can't think about that stuff I know it's hard but don't do it to yourself...if she is out with other guys sleeping around that just shows she never loved or cared about you. She's telling you all this stuff cause she's scared to be alone she most likely doesn't have anybody right now she can talk to like that..she seems like the type of girl who never wants to be alone and wil jump from one guy to another...she is not gf material. The fact she cheated on you should make it easier for you to move on I know it would for me...her going out and partying is her way of moving on she wants time apart give it to her f u don't I can guarantee she will be gone forever...I've been nc with my ex and she keeps calling and texting but there breadcrumbs unless she tells me she wants to meet and talk about us being together again I will ignore her let her know what she gave up make her miss me and if she comes back the. Great but if she doesn't then I'm ok with that and it's made me stronger...go out with he guys don't drink it's just gonna make you more emotional your gonna think more just go have fun try and flirt with another girl it can just be innocent flirting I'm not saying go sleep with someone else but just flirt u would be amazed how it will get your mind of your ex...I'm around all day today if u need to talk I. Here for you brother I'll be here every step of the way if u need we can go through this together
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