GunslingerRoland Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 On the one hand being frugal isn't always bad. People on here are very harsh to those are financially conscious and seem to love those who spend like crazy. But the fact that he keeps rubbing in your face how much he spends on you is petty. I knew a guy who used to do that to his girlfriends, but he was a 15 year old I went to high school with. I can't imagine an adult keeping a tally and bringing it up. Kinda off topic, but why do you guys go to places like Denny's anyway? That is a family restaurant, not a nice date atmosphere. I'm sure you can find somewhere nicer in the same price range. I'd say the fact that he seems to want to control how you look is a bigger issue. I mean everyone has their own tastes, and obviously he can have opinions and suggestions, but it sounds like he doesn't think much about your opinion.
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 On the one hand being frugal isn't always bad. People on here are very harsh to those are financially conscious and seem to love those who spend like crazy. Frugal is fine. Cheap is a problem. Frugal people watch their pennies & are usually saving for a goal: a house, retirement etc. Cheap people are miserly with their money, with their feelings, with their time. All around they are unpleasant. This guy the OP is taking about sounds cheap. A frugal guy may find a coupon or groupon. It takes a special class of stingy to harp on how much he's spent. 2
Purepony Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I don't understand where these losers find good women like you !! Leave this lowlife already !!
coolheadal Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Behind everything that made him attractive in the beginning ..that has become very faint, since all of this has taken place. The inner gut feeling screams out that I'm not happy at all and it can't be ignored anymore. We layed there last weekend before I headed home discussing this. I mentioned how I didn't believe we could work out, there is always an excuse for his behavior. He doesn't seem to be offended by the word cheap and he said recently "I offered to pay for makeup, clothing, ect." I then stated that wasn't the point. I cried tonight very hard out of frustration (doesn't normally happen) I'm wanting to be accepted for who I am and the comments he makes about me changing me hurts. I invested $70 worth of groceries to cook a home made meal out of saving money for us and that is where I feel frustrated. (Too much kindness and too many chances) He says things like "Eventually you will like that classy style, I see what you should look like, wouldn't you change for me?" My inner thoughts chime in and say "Why should I? I've always looked different..I like looking victorian. If he can't accept me, what happens when that classy girl comes along?" He says things about compromising sexually, which I feel is unfair because that is how I work internally that cannot be changed. The cheapness that I'm talking about is where its important for them to double check a coupon, like the extra cost is a big deal.The reminder of how much they spend one me.. The short comments they make about my ears, foundation tone being too light, how I dress too goth or not to their taste. I don't mind piercing suggestions, but draw the line with my choice of wardrobe and makeup but, its becoming one thing after another. I see controlling signs like when he pinches my arm after I've told him to stop. I had bruises all down and up my arm to which he said "I couldn't of done that..I don't pinch hard there." When I take my jacket off and see this, it angers me..this never happened before. The small signs of a controlling person shows through and I don't know if that is a cultural difference. I entirely agree that things will not get better down the road given how they are now. Money seems to be their most important focus, but I think what drives me as someone educated to continue..is being 26 going on 27. How long I'll have left to find someone and whether to conceive a baby before 30. What time runs out and my chances of that are gone? I have a lot of ovarian problems and was told by my GYN that it won't get better into my mid 30s. He talks about marriage, having a family and babies, this is where I believe the stalling happens. Do I want to have an abusive partner? Certainly not..but I can't lie to myself that this is healthy anymore. Its like signs are showing me that it will get a lot worse if I stay so, he said recently "I don't think we are meant to be." I reaponded with "You are entirely right, this isn't working out and I'd like to end this." They have texted me and messages several times this morning about giving them a chance, that he is sorry and all I can do is ignore it or block. Reading back on these posts keeps the reality of what is unhealthy into focus..again I thank everyone for their advice. I wouldn't be able to push myself alone in getting out if the spiral and it will be my last thread..also sorry for this being very long. My child I am very sorry to hear how this man if we can call him one really has abused you like this. I not here to put you down in any way. I here to share some my own experience which I can advise you correctly. No one needs to be in this sort of life. You wear, you do, you be, you are what you are inside out and. No man has the right to tell you what to do that you don't want to do period. I can see he's clearly had a bad abusive life as well and he's putting that on you on your arm. You shouldn't have let it get that far! What's wrong with you? Your not thinking out of box, your thinking he's a safe bet. Nope he's not. You can do better. You don't want kids with him trust me you would create more of his type your loving kids. Your not thinking correctly. He's not the only man out there. You know it, forget him leave get away, yes that's easy to say but you have to act before he leads to another level where you can't control it. You do not want the Police involved. It could lead to that. He will never change, because that's who he is really. You will never change, because that is who you are really. Do see that you two aren't met to be. You would know who is right for you when it smacks you in the face. This one bad news, trouble and worst he's just a jerk! 1
No_Go Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Eh OP... My ex was similar to your guy. He'd be very critical in choices of food, restaurants etc - it was 100% his choice, although he ALWAYS charged me 1/2 for groceries (that I never had the chance to select myself), and when going out to eat - if I put my credit card out, he'll just say thank you -i.e. I was paying for BOTH. This went on for sadly, 2 years. In the end turned that he was screening women online behind my back, he criticized that I was not as well-kept as he wanted me to be because I don't wear make up enough (paradoxically I wear high-end make-up daily - haha, just apply it in a way that his dumb head was apparently unable to detect ) I stayed with him for similar reasons as you - thinking I'm old enough to marry and reproduce. Now I'm SOOO glad it didn't happen... I feel reborn since he finally left me alone... 3
kendahke Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Opinion or suggestions on how I should approach this? You and he are not compatible. He doesn't accept you for who you are. Unless he's a stylist, he has nothing to say about how you dress. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to date you. Don't get with someone who cannot accept you for who you are as you are. 2
kendahke Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 You and he are not compatible. He doesn't accept you for who you are. Unless he's a stylist, he has nothing to say about how you dress. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to date you. Don't get with someone who cannot accept you for who you are as you are. I should amend this to say "unless he's a stylist and you're paying him for his time and a consultation...." 2
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