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Is this a red flag?

shahjskalio

By shahjskalio
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shahjskalio Member

shahjskalio

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So i've been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks and we finally met yesterday. The problem is this guy never planned a date. It's always been last minute or he would make a plan and then flake. I feel like he scared of something because he even told me he needs to drink before he sees me. So we met up yesterday for an hour at a train station because he had to go see his friends afterwards. We talked and had a connection and I found out his parents got divorced when he was a child and he cried for his mom. And now in thinking this guy is scared of relationships based on his behavior. Are these all red flags? Should I just stop wasting my time on him?

 

 

Thanks guys

J21 Established Member

J21

Posted
Posted

Having a drink before seeing you is a red flag.

Pass.

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shahjskalio Member

shahjskalio

Posted
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Having a drink before seeing you is a red flag.

Pass.

 

Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, yesterday he had 2 beers before seeing me...:/

oneinamillion93 Established Member

oneinamillion93

Posted
Posted
Having a drink before seeing you is a red flag.

Pass.

 

I would give him another chance. But only based on his background you just told us.

He's damaged goods, broken people deserve to be loved too. If you feel the connection you can give it a try, once he's open up things will be differently

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
So i've been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks and we finally met yesterday. The problem is this guy never planned a date. It's always been last minute or he would make a plan and then flake. I feel like he scared of something because he even told me he needs to drink before he sees me. So we met up yesterday for an hour at a train station because he had to go see his friends afterwards. We talked and had a connection and I found out his parents got divorced when he was a child and he cried for his mom. And now in thinking this guy is scared of relationships based on his behavior. Are these all red flags? Should I just stop wasting my time on him?

 

 

Thanks guys

 

Whatttt???

 

The problem is this guy never planned a date. It's always been last minute or he would make a plan and then flake.

 

-Red flag number 1 and grounds for immediate dismissal. Who wants to date someone that puts forth next to no effort and flakes???

 

So we met up yesterday for an hour at a train station

 

- Red flag number 2. You're first meet/date was at train station and all he could spare was an hour of his time??? You agreed to this bizarre meet up why???

 

We talked and had a connection and I found out his parents got divorced when he was a child and he cried for his mom.

 

-Red flag number 2. He cried?? Literally cried??? On the first date/meet up??? Oh god... :rolleyes:

 

This guy is a hot mess and frankly...kind of a douche

 

You need to set a rocket underneath your standards girl ;)

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shahjskalio Member

shahjskalio

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Whatttt???

 

The problem is this guy never planned a date. It's always been last minute or he would make a plan and then flake.

 

-Red flag number 1 and grounds for immediate dismissal. Who wants to date someone that puts forth next to no effort and flakes???

 

So we met up yesterday for an hour at a train station

 

- Red flag number 2. You're first meet/date was at train station and all he could spare was an hour of his time??? You agreed to this bizarre meet up why???

 

We talked and had a connection and I found out his parents got divorced when he was a child and he cried for his mom.

 

-Red flag number 2. He cried?? Literally cried??? On the first date/meet up??? Oh god... :rolleyes:

 

This guy is a hot mess and frankly...kind of a douche

 

You need to set a rocket underneath your standards girl ;)

 

 

Thanks for your feedback!! Just realized how much of a disaster this is ?

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Why get started with someone so disorganized they can't plan a date? He's a mess.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Big red flags with flashing neons all around it saying WARNING dangerous cliff ahead. There is so many red flags in this story, even the red flags have red flags.

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Dis Established Member

Dis

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Thanks for your feedback!! Just realized how much of a disaster this is ?

 

Thats ok girl... Live and learn :D

 

Best of luck moving forward! :bunny:

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mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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He sounds like he's terrified of his own shadow. Avoid this guy.

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act00 Established Member

act00

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Add me to the list! He doesn't plan in advance, flakes, and your date was at a train station so he could do something else?? And then the alcohol issue. Definitely red flags. Set your sights higher.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
So i've been talking to a guy for about 2 weeks and we finally met yesterday. The problem is this guy never planned a date. It's always been last minute or he would make a plan and then flake. I feel like he scared of something because he even told me he needs to drink before he sees me. So we met up yesterday for an hour at a train station because he had to go see his friends afterwards. We talked and had a connection and I found out his parents got divorced when he was a child and he cried for his mom. And now in thinking this guy is scared of relationships based on his behavior. Are these all red flags? Should I just stop wasting my time on him?

 

 

Thanks guys

 

told me he needs to drink before he sees me -- This would have been my exit queue . . .

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Failing to plan / last minute dates are rude. This wouldn't work for me because I have little free time. It's a yellow flag to me.

 

 

"Needing" to have a drink before seeing you is a red flag. The guy is possibly addicted to alcohol. Him confessing to this is also a yellow flag because it gives me pause about his lack of boundaries & his non-existent social skills. I suspect he told you because he thinks its some kind of compliment or he's got huge self esteem issues.

 

 

I hope this meet up at the train station at least involved a nearby café & you two weren't just sitting on a bench at a train station talking. If that's what this was, girl you need some more self esteem. What a terrible date. Why did you agree to something like this?

 

 

Did he tell you he cried for his mom when he was little or did he cry on the date when he was talking to you? If he cried on the date, RUN. If he told you he cried, we're still back to poor boundaries. That was way TMI for 1st date conversation having known someone for 2 weeks.

 

 

All in all I'd take a pass on this guy. At best he's an emotional fixer-upper.

  • Like 1
Jobber22 Member

Jobber22

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I would just like to point out him needing a drink before seeing you is not a red flag and doesn't mean he's addicted to alcohol. This has happened to me before and I liked a girl so much that I couldn't be myself and it helped loosen me up. I even admitted it too her just like he did. Look at the intent behind why he said that

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Am I the only one that doesn't see a problem with a beer before dates? I usually have a glass of wine to relax before first dates and I don't see anything wrong with that :lmao.

 

I don't tell guys that though.

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Jethro Established Member

Jethro

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Anyone who NEEDS a drink at any time... that's a hard no. Drinking is for enjoyment and pleasure, not coping.

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GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Is it Raj? Because he's pretty funny, if it's him I'd say go for it.

 

If not you should probably move on to someone better.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Am I the only one that doesn't see a problem with a beer before dates? I usually have a glass of wine to relax before first dates and I don't see anything wrong with that :lmao.

 

I don't tell guys that though.

 

I don't tell guys that though -- That's because you have a functioning social filter and think about possible ramifications :)

 

And, no there's nothing wrong with A drink or even two before a date or during the date :)

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jessiesgurl Member

jessiesgurl

Posted
Posted (edited)
Am I the only one that doesn't see a problem with a beer before dates? I usually have a glass of wine to relax before first dates and I don't see anything wrong with that :lmao.

 

I don't tell guys that though.

 

I hear ya! I've been known to have glass or two before a first date too, and am about as far as you can get from being an alcoholic or having any sort of drinking issue.

 

I am just a bundle of nerves prior to that first date and have a glass (or two) to RELAX, lest I make a bumbling idiot out of myself upon meeting. lol

 

I once even broke out in a cold sweat on a first date, yeah I am BAD.

 

Fortunately the guy understood and we actually dated for awhile. :)

 

Re the other stuff, sounds like he suffers from the worst form of social anxiety. That's tough.

 

However, in time, and spending more time with you, that could ease up and he could start feeling more comfortable.

 

OP it's up to you and how you feel about him and if you think he has other redeeming qualities that would make getting to know him better and dating him worth it

 

Your call on that.

Edited by jessiesgurl
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