babysacay Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I'm having trouble maintaining NC with my ex...I would love to hear positive stories about improvements and healing because of NC
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I always went NC. It saved my dignity so I wasn't begging when I was the one who was dumped. When I was the one who did the dumping, I was a little more open . . .meaning if my EX contacted me I would reply compassionately but clearly that I did not want reconciliation. I would also suggest that the person stop contacting me because it just made them sad. I begged & chased one guy. We got back together for about 2 weeks after about 4 months. It was awful because it was so clear that we had lost all trust. 1
Altair0770 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 8 months post breakup. 4 months in strict NC. My story is a bit... complicated. It does get so much better when you don't have it in front of your face and are subject to torture. Trust the process. Do not force yourself to get over someone. Let it happen naturally. If they keep sending breadcrumbs, but only breadcrumbs, block them. This is time for you to HEAL. I *NEVER* thought I'd get over my ex. I thought I was screwed. But as time went on, I started thinking of only the negative things in the relationship. Started understanding more and more. And I'm not talking about when things went south. I'm talking about when things in the honeymoon stage. It felt great at the time, but was I truly happy? Not as much as it felt.
Author babysacay Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Thank you so much for your replies. My ex said that he wanted to go slow and see where things go....but then I found him recently on POF. And he's taking a trip with a female friend who used to have feelings for him and was mad when we got together. So I'm starting NC bc I'm fed up with his crap I'm finding it kind of is and is not helpful to think about red flags I noticed and the way he treated me post breakup. I'm just really upset that he made assumptions (he hated when I made assumptions) about me needing a perfect relationship because of my career field (I'm in the process of getting licensed for marriage and family therapy). Like no, I know no relationship is perfect, where the heck did you get that idea?! I know how to make relationships better but he never once listened to me when I said I thought something was unhealthy. And that was me noticing how it affected us, not telling him I know that because it's what I do. It's just so hard not to reach out and point out he was guilty of something he hated me doing and that's why he started pushing me away. Which led to me chasing and smothering him and us breaking up. What did you do when you had things like this that upset you that you want your ex to know but don't want to contact them?
PegNosePete Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I'm finding it kind of is and is not helpful to think about red flags I noticed and the way he treated me post breakup. It is helpful insofar as you think about them in a way that helps you avoid them in your next relationship. It's not helpful to dwell but it is definitely helpful to learn. What did you do when you had things like this that upset you that you want your ex to know but don't want to contact them? Venting and posting in the "Coping" forum helps a lot. You need to say all of those things. Better to tell it to kind people who care and will listen rather than someone who will throw it all back in your face.
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