misspalmy Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 what happen did it last? im just trying to understand why people do this, no im not married,
reboot Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Yes I reconciled with a cheating wife. No it didn't last. Why did I do it? Children, a house, family, love (on my end anyway). Was it worth the effort? No. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Yes I reconciled with a cheating wife. No it didn't last. Why did I do it? Children, a house, family, love (on my end anyway). Was it worth the effort? No. Ditto! (Except I'm a woman) 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 why do you care? there are a lot of folks here who have reconciled....
Author misspalmy Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 why do you care? there are a lot of folks here who have reconciled.... just woundering
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 why would you wonder? If you have never been cheated on... go read the threads on infidelity...more information than you ever cared to know
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 why would you wonder? If you have never been cheated on... go read the threads on infidelity...more information than you ever cared to know I think she's asking because her baby daddy went back to his wife.
wmacbride Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) yes. it was more than 10 years ago and we are still together and happy. op, to be honest, I'm not sure what you are looking for, but I will tell you this. You can ask that question to a million marriages where someone has cheated, and you'll get a million different answers. Each couple needs to find their own way. Some I think are fantastic, other that make me want to ask them what the hell they are doing and still others that make me want to kick them in the rear. They stay together for their reasons, and quite often, it's that they love each other with a love that bent but never broke. They may not be showing that in ways other people may see or even understand. My mom and dad were like that. My mom was a very reserved person, and her demonstrations of love were not always visible to everyone else, but they loved each other in a very deep way. She passed away five years ago, and he still sheds tears when he sees a picture of her and has her last voice mail message saved on his phone so he can hear her voice. Before she passed away but she knew her cancer was terminal, he looked after her at home. He took walks with her, worked out in the garden with her for as long as she could. When she got worse, he'd help her get to the bathroom and almost carry her up and down the stairs. He didn't want any help, and she finally had to call in palliative care and the VON. They were ( and he still is) very deeply in love, right up until she died. The kicker is he had a very brief affair many years ago before they adopted us. In spite of that, they loved each other in a very deep way. I was sitting with her before she fell asleep the last time, and she asked me to make sure to look after him for her and tell him she loved him. Those were probably the last thoughts she ever had. A reconciling couple, if they want it enough and if the love is still there, can accomplish what some might consider a miracle. I hope this helps, and I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better answer. There probably isn't one. Edited June 8, 2017 by wmacbride 3
sweet_pea Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I did because despite the pain, I still loved him very much. In the end, he couldn't get it together and I wasn't going to put up with anymore so we split up. 3
preraph Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I have taken one back just momentarily, like for about 2 hours, long enough to break up (literally) the little party he had going behind my back, and then I left feeling better and stayed gone while they spent the next week driving 20 miles to cruise by my apartment spying on me in their loud racing truck that I can hear coming a mile away. And I did some phone forwarding while I was at it, too so their ex would call them and reach me instead. But that was not a serious relationship to begin with. I just thought it was time someone beat him at his own game. On the serious relationship, I salvaged a friendship after about a decade but never slept with the cheater again because he did it with my best friend. I finally was somewhat able to forgive him for being freshly separated and having only had one girlfriend, the one he married out of highschool, and one of his friends had to tell him how bad what he did was. He seemed to genuinely not get it. If it had been anyone other than my best friend/roommate, I would have eventually given it another shot, probably. 1
understand50 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I did 40 plus years ago, do not regret it. I think that in reconciliation it depends on the people involved and what was done, and how. Everyone is different, and many would question my "why" of taking her back, but at the time it made sense, and still does today. Reconciliation can happen, it is not for the faint of heart. 2
Marco Valerio Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I did, and it was one of the worst choices of my life. I have learned to never take back in my life, someone who disrespects me or the relationship in that manner. Where there's love there's respect. No love, no respect. 2
Author misspalmy Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 I did, and it was one of the worst choices of my life. I have learned to never take back in my life, someone who disrespects me or the relationship in that manner. Where there's love there's respect. No love, no respect. so true, lots guys go back to do it again 2
Daisydooks Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 what happen did it last? im just trying to understand why people do this, no im not married, Yes. Many years ago now. He cheated again and again and again. 1
seren Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Almost 10 yrs ago H told me he had had an affair. He asked to stay and I said he could, but we had to work on us, he had to work on himself and so he did. After a lot of counselling from Combat Stress he began to heal from the demons he was carrying and our marriage slowly but surely repaired itself. Our relationship isn't the same as before, it is better despite the affair, certainly not because of it. I never thought to find myself as having an affair as part of our relationship history, but we do. Why would we leave each other? I still loved him, he still loved me, I balanced what life would be like without him and I knew I would never replace him, I still loved him, trusted him and so here we are. We have been together over 30 years, why throw that away for an affair? Yes, he did what he did, yes we both know why and we both have discussed it over and over so we understand it. I didn't think I would live with someone who cheated, but I never thought I would find a love like he and I have. It doesn't work for some, but for us it does, and that is all that matters. reconciling is not easy, it is the hardest thing I have done, but it works for us. 2
BetrayedH Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Some cheaters realize they've made a horrible and tragic mistake and no lengths are too far to go in an attempt to repair the damage they caused. I can see forgiveness is such a scenario. I can also see the betrayed person cutting their losses, and justifiably so. What I hate to see is a betrayed spouse trying to forgive someone that isn't truly remorseful. I think the challenge is that many times it takes a long while to determine which scenario you're dealing with.
Marco Valerio Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Some cheaters realize they've made a horrible and tragic mistake and no lengths are too far to go in an attempt to repair the damage they caused. I can see forgiveness is such a scenario. I can also see the betrayed person cutting their losses, and justifiably so. What I hate to see is a betrayed spouse trying to forgive someone that isn't truly remorseful. I think the challenge is that many times it takes a long while to determine which scenario you're dealing with. I have never encountered one of those myself. Are they like the unicorns?
Sweet108 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 It's always a bad idea to take one back! With only one exception: the 1 time offender who is genuinely remorseful. (RARE). The serial cheater will never change.
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