exclusive19 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 It's my first time posting on here and i've just become really desperate and in need of support. Me and my girlfriend (or ex as of a couple days ago)are both 18 and have been dating for 2 years. We've had our ups and downs and we've truly been there for eachother no matter the situation and I really am convinced this girl really loves me and isn't just infatuated or anything. She has told me multiple times that she is really scared of losing me and she absolutely can't see me being with anyone else. She also always tells me about any guy who tries to hit on her and even shows me messages between guys who have tried to message her just to let me know that I'm the only one she wants. We were really happy couple and we were each others bestfriends. Despite everything I said, a few days ago after having have stayed at her house over the weekend, we were texting each other as we usually do after I left her house and she randomly tells me that she needs to talk to me about something. She started off with saying how she really loves me and she wants me to remember that throughout the whole conversation we're about to have then she continued to say how she isn't happy with herself. She said that she has lost touch with herself and it's just building up inside her to the point where she doesnt know anything about herself anymore. She told me she wants to just figure her life out more and she feels like she can't do that with me in the picture. I then asked her why she couldn't do it while being with me and she said that she gets so caught up in being with me and surrounding herself with me that she isn't able to focus on anything else. She also said that she still loves me and that nothing is ever going to change that but she just needs to start loving herself too. I then tried to tell her that we can work through it together but she said that she needs to figure out her life on her own and that she can't keep pushing off her own self love for me. She then said "you don't understand how much I love you but I just need to even my life out". She made it clear that she isn't focused on looking for any other guys or having and sexual interactions and that she is purely just doing this to find herself and get to know herself again. I then asked her if she plans on coming back to me and she said that I'm her weakness and that she will always come back to me. She also said that she loves me too much to just bluntly walk away. The conversation went along and she kept telling me she's sorry for suddenly telling me all of this and that she really does love me and that she will always be there for me if I ever need someone. After all that I just didn't know what to do. I was so surprised and confused at the same time. I just want to know what the odds of her coming back are and what I should do in the meantime. Any kind of support will help. Thanks
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 This is a "kind" "gentle" way of putting some distance in here before she breaks up with you for good. She wants out after 2 years but doesn't want to hurt you. She's probably also scared because you're familiar & she's venturing into the unknown. She's test driving the break up to prove to herself that she can make it without you. If she finds that she can't make it with out you, this silly break gives her the excuse to come running back to you, her now second choice, because nothing better is out there. You can play her game or you can have some dignity & tell her that you are willing to work on the relationship with her or that you two are broken up. You kind of have to pick fully broken up because her problem with finding herself means you can't help her with it & although she's not phrasing it correctly, her real problem is that she wants to be out of the relationship with you. It's not that you did anything wrong or bad. It's just time for her to move on. Sorry.
Author exclusive19 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 I mean I do understand where she is coming from though because she has literally been by my side for the majority of the relationship. She always want me around and we always do almost everything together. She told me that she started realizing that she has lost herself in me after her mom had called her out and told her that she doesn't do things she used to love doing anymore and that triggered her to be sad. It just doesn't make sense for her to lose interest in me because even the day of as well as a few days before she decided we should go on a break, she was always clinging on to me and she was very happy, constantly telling me how much she loves me.
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 If it's a matter of her doing more things without you, a break up is not required. More balance is all that is needed. Set up some new "rules" for the relationship. Maybe you two only see each other every other day so she has time for her friends & her other interests. You are too young to be each other's whole worlds. Her mom is right -- that is not healthy. Work to find balance It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Prowe Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I understand wheres shes coming from, i actually had this same convo with my 'oh' the other day. I dont want to go around meetinh guys its just its been 5 years and all i seem to do it watch him having a good time. We do stuff he likes and hang around his friends, i told him, i literally want to live my life rather than wait for him to live his. You better believe that at this moment in time she believes that she'll back to you, but shes going to find herself so she might find others on the way. Im going to have to say that your ages were the killers here because in your teens all you want to do is wish your life away and think about your future with that 'one' person. When you get to your 20's , youre going to relise that even though this may be what you wanted, you have 70+ years of your life left to just do the same thing, with the same person.
Holmes85 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) Exclusive19, This girl is interested in someone else, this is the reason why she is questioning her feelings for you, this dumb lines like 'We need to take a break', 'it's not you it's me', 'there is no other guy' is all BS. You know why are you confused? Because you're allowing her to confuse you, her responses are not making any sense and if you question her, she's gonna confuse you even further. Here is what is going to happen, whether you believe it or not, it's up to you. She's going to take this 'break' in order to pursue her new romantic interested that she has been flirting behind your back. He's obviously flirting with her back and she wants to explore this option further, while being on a break with you, if things don't work out with him, he would be back to you and saying 'oh I never questioned my love for you, here I am again'. Dude she's going to give you a boot as soon as the next dude gives her a green signal, then you would be left with your Jaw open saying 'but she said that she doesn't have someone else she flirted with, she's not like that, how could she do that?' While you are not sure what's happening & falling apart she would be in the other guys arms as soon as your breakup initiates. If you wanna spare yourself all that drama and eject this one out of your life. Whether you take my advice or not, it's up to you. Edited June 7, 2017 by Holmes85 !
Whodatdog Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 She is not the same person she was at 16. You aren't either. These years are monumental in changing and growth. The girl you know now wont be there at 20, she will be someone different. I dont know if shes eyeballing someone else, or if she just feels like shes not growing how she thinks she wants to, and wants to pursue other interests. No matter, I think she is breaking up with you as kindly as she can. Im sure this isnt an all of a sudden decision, she's been thinking about this for a while.
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