irishlady1984 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Very confused about what happened... Me and a work colleague were flirting, we had a lot of chemistry and the flirting was very intense. One of my colleagues told my flirting partner that he was being unprofessional and rude to me (he was teasing me but was locking eyes with me as he did, so was in a very flirty manner). My flirting partner was clearly very embarrassed about the situation, apologised, said he didn't want me to think that he didn't like me because he did. I said look, we both work together, I'm sorry about it too. And I left. I felt a bit embarrassed and felt like everyone was talking about us. We shared a couple of texts - him ended by saying let's move forward and stop dwelling on what's happened. He blocked me on WhatsApp and then ignored me for a month. (Both inside and outside of work!). Conference calls we had together were awkward and he avoided responding to me when possible about anything work related. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook (yes I know, very mature...). I tackled him about it last week on email and asked if he had an issue with me - he said he didn't. Then went on to say that we should keep it to work related topics and only to work communication. Since I approached him about his coldness etc., he's behaving in a totally different manner towards me (although we haven't seen each other face to face yet as we don't work in the same office). What's the deal? Does he think I rejected him? Has he changed his mind? Not sure if it'll help but he's the shy anxious type.
Bastile Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 He made a decision to prioritize his workspace. And that's a very mature decision. You should follow the lead, imo. 2
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 He thought your coworker stepped in for you (because you complained about it to them) to tell him to shut it down, that's why he took it so personally. Communication is key. Ask him if he would like to join you for coffee or for a couple of drinks after work. Then proceed to tell him that you never had any problem with is teasing and that you didn't encourage that coworker to comment to him. You can say "Since we got off on the wrong foot here, lets get this past us and move forward". Put it aside and have some nice personal chit chat with him. 2
Author irishlady1984 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 He made a decision to prioritize his workspace. And that's a very mature decision. You should follow the lead, imo. I have very real feelings for him. We don't work in the same office, but we do have some cross over in our roles so we are both a part of 2 group conference calls per week. Sometimes we are at events together but it's a rare occurrence. I understand that work relationships can be a recipe for danger but I feel so much for this guy that I'd sooner leave than stay in a job that means I could never pursue a relationship with him.
Author irishlady1984 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 He thought your coworker stepped in for you (because you complained about it to them) to tell him to shut it down, that's why he took it so personally. I hadn't thought about that!!!!! And I think you might be right. There's been lots of miscommunication and I know that's all it is. We don't work in the same office (we're actually a couple of hours apart), otherwise going for a coffee or something would be ok.
Author irishlady1984 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 if there's a strong chance that he has just retreated because of miscommunication etc., I want to tell him how I feel. Finding the right time and method to tell him is another challenge.
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 If you invite him out one on one...that will tell him you have an interest in him....maybe after the coffee date you could offer your cel number and say you would like to do this again. Easy-peasy
mortensorchid Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 He made a decision to keep you as a work acquaintance rather than an actual friend because you work together. Trust me, whether it's a man or a woman you work with, keep work people separate from your life outside of work. It's easy to think otherwise - Coworkers are not friends no matter what field you are in. It's easy for you to think that they are friends because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else. So you naturally feel as if they are friends. But, they are not. And now that we have this factor, don't friend a coworker on any kind of social networking (learned that the hard way already), only former ones. They will take things about you and twist them around and tell on you to management. If a coworker asks to friend you on social networking, tell them you don't do social networking. Get a list of employees, go through all sites you're on (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) and block all of them. If a coworker invites you out to something outside of work, say you have other plans. Difficult to do, but you must if you want any kind of peace of mind anymore. Don't share a lot of things about yourself with them in conversation either if and when you have to talk to them. This is the world we live in. Tell them to stay out of your business and you'll be happier. Harsh, but it's what it is. I'm sorry this happened to you, you sound like you liked the guy at least somewhat. I'm still feeling like a fool over someone I had a thing for a few years ago on the job, but then again I'm just damaged.
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