Eternal Sunshine Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Consider the ability to feel this strongly a gift. I was like you once. Now, I am unable to get invested into anyone, unable to get hurt but unable to love at the same time. 1
Author Kitchen Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 (edited) So just wanted to share an update. There's good news and bad news. Good news is that her text saying "please leave me alone" was not serious. Nothing dire or significant happened in her life. She got in contact with me the next day. That's the extent of the good news. Bad news is that she's a toxic person. The backstory she had one of these previous online relationships that ended terribly because her parents disapproved. This was a couple of months ago. It was the only time she had "feelings" for someone. She apparently couldn't eat or sleep for days and was suicidal over it. All of this I've known for some time. What I suspected though, judging from her behavior since I've known her, is that that whole experience left her extremely guarded. She built up a massive wall and refuses to get invested in anyone. I noticed that she would never put in 100% effort. It would always be me initiating contact. Often times she'd ignore and I'd have to try multiple times for her to reply. The whole "please leave me alone" text happened after I was trying to contact her for a full day without response. The previous day she had called me and I couldn't pick up, and it was the first time I couldn't pick up after her call. I suspect that this little thing (me not picking up) scared her away and led her to say that to me. So the next day after the "please leave me alone" text. She said, "can we talk tonight?". I said sure, call me. I had a STRONG suspicion she won't follow through, just because I didn't seem overly enthusiastic about it. And sure enough she didn't. Fast forward 5 days, we haven't talked. So today I called her and confronted her about the whole thing. She tells me that she purposefully didn't call me because she thought it would hurt me? Wtf? I tried saying that NOT calling when you said you will actually would hurt me. So the whole conversation turned into her not apologizing for any of her behavior, and blaming me. She blamed ME for her text saying "please leave me alone". Sure signs of a maniac right? Probably this behavior stems from her getting hurt previously? After our phone call today we agreed that we will continue talking but the whole thing seems odd, and I'm afraid of getting sunk in. I just want a god damn apology and acknowledgment from her that this is wrong. I can see myself making excuses for her. For example, I say to myself that she's in a different culture, where women are taught to have passive roles, and this is why I have to make all the effort. And I can sense myself not wanting to quit until I get that apology. It's madness. Help me pull out! Edited June 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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