aadams Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 So I have been separated from my husband now for 3 months. A few weeks ago after trying to reconsile and failing I decided to try dating since he has moved onto that. So I have found someone whom I've went on a date with and hungout with friends and him twice. He is very recently divorced. And I mean as recent as yesterday they finalized it. Basically we message eachother off and on all day everyday. So I've noticed the past couple days we haven't spoken AS much and he was a little flaky on plans until today. He assures me he still wants to talk and likes me a lot. That he told his family about me and they all discussed not rushing it. Money has been the issue with my divorce filing so I haven't been able to yet. I think that probably bothers him but really who has $3,000 laying around on average? I am a total overthinker and just really like him a lot. I see serious potential even if this is right into a huge bump in my life. He calls me everyday unless we see eachother. Told me he wouldn't have let me meet his friends, dog, or come to his house (which was his and his ex's) if he didn't like me. But mentioned we should also focus on ourselves. So I suppose this post is to get opinions on whether I'm crazy for wondering if he's losing interest or if he really does like me and wants to take it slow. Dating after 7 years is so difficult mentally for me.
Zahara Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I don't blame his family for having concerns. You haven't even divorced yet, only recently tried reconciling and he is fresh out of a divorce. It seems like both of you are trying to find ways to fill a void rather than invest time in healing from your past. I would caution that most times situations like yours never work because people are attaching for unhealthy reasons. I don't know if he is losing interest or wants to take it slow -- but understand that you could possibly be a rebound. There's unresolved emotional attachments that neither of you have invested any time and reflection. We need to give ourselves time to heal and reconnect from within after a life changing experience such as divorce -- jumping into dating is a way to avoid those important transitioning steps for fear of facing the pain of being alone. Tread carefully. Keep your expectations low. Focus on yourself. Maybe start individual therapy to help your through this. Good luck to you. 3
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 You are both on the same both. You are both unfit to be in a committed relationship for now. Recognize that and just enjoy each other's company and enjoy the moment. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Honey he's a rebound for you. Kudos for putting yourself out there but really you're not ready. You wanted your husband back. When that didn't work you moved on to this guy because your husband was dating not because you are open to a new romance. You need to focus on yourself. You need to be moving heaven & earth to come up with that $3,000 to get the divorce. Most adults do have that kind of money lying around. It's call an emergency fund -- cash you can go to when the car needs to be fixed or the hot water heater dies unexpectedly. A basic e-fund should have at least one month's living expenses in it; a properly funded one should have 6 months of living expenses in case of job loss. This fresh out of a divorce, your new friend wants to play the field, not settle down. 1
amurb Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 So I have been separated from my husband now for 3 months. A few weeks ago after trying to reconsile and failing I decided to try dating since he has moved onto that. So I have found someone whom I've went on a date with and hungout with friends and him twice. He is very recently divorced. And I mean as recent as yesterday they finalized it. Basically we message eachother off and on all day everyday. So I've noticed the past couple days we haven't spoken AS much and he was a little flaky on plans until today. He assures me he still wants to talk and likes me a lot. That he told his family about me and they all discussed not rushing it. Money has been the issue with my divorce filing so I haven't been able to yet. I think that probably bothers him but really who has $3,000 laying around on average? I am a total overthinker and just really like him a lot. I see serious potential even if this is right into a huge bump in my life. He calls me everyday unless we see eachother. Told me he wouldn't have let me meet his friends, dog, or come to his house (which was his and his ex's) if he didn't like me. But mentioned we should also focus on ourselves. So I suppose this post is to get opinions on whether I'm crazy for wondering if he's losing interest or if he really does like me and wants to take it slow. Dating after 7 years is so difficult mentally for me. I am sorry you are going through this. As someone who has been divorced twice and married three times, it is important to take your time before dating. The reason I was divorced the second time is because I believe I rushed into another relationship before I was ready. When I met my current husband, I felt ready to date. I had my priorities straight and I didn't need someone to fill my void. Make sure you aren't just trying to fill a void because it will only lead to more heartache. Take time to work on healing and taking care of yourself before jumping into another relationship, you are in a vulnerable place right now, so is he.
OatsAndHall Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 I started dating too soon after my separation and went through the same things you are going through. I honestly didn't start to heal from my divorce until I took some time completely away from the dating scene. It is very hard to move forward from a traumatic experience like a divorce when you have the stress and drama of another relationship in the works. Maybe you and your beau can work on yourselves while staying together. That is for you to figure out as everyone and every relationship is different. But, be aware of the fact that you could be making this difficult time in your life worse by pursuing another relationship.
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