fmfan08 Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Everything was good in the run up to out date and yesterday when I said I was starting work, she said "Have a nice shift, see you tomorrow ?" so all good, but 5 hours before our date today she sent a text saying "Hey, had a huge fight with my housemate/best friend and honestly I feel like crap. Can we postpone the date for tonight? Really don't feel like going out. Sorry". Now I know this date will never happen or she doesn't actually want to go through with it as she didn't offer an alternate day, but what's the BEST matured response to flaking like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 I wouldn't even reply ... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 That is tough, because that could be a legit reason. I'd offer up a response along the lines of "Sorry to hear that you had such a rough day, I hope you're able to work things out!" It's not being needy about trying to reschedule if she's avoiding you. But it leaves the door open if she actually wants to reschedule, with the ball in her court. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 That is tough, because that could be a legit reason. I'd offer up a response along the lines of "Sorry to hear that you had such a rough day, I hope you're able to work things out!" It's not being needy about trying to reschedule if she's avoiding you. But it leaves the door open if she actually wants to reschedule, with the ball in her court. But even whats the point if she reschedules? she will never have high interest and itl be difficult to date someone like her. i just wouldn't bother replying or even if she messages back i wouldn't go on a date with her. that is not a response of a girl who is excited to see you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) That's one of the more creative cop outs I've heard. Could be genuine. If she's been great so far consider replying with something along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear that, ... how about [date of your convenience]?what date do you want to move it to?text me when you feel better! ... and I hope you can make up with your friend." If you truly believe she's letting you down nicely and the date is never going to happen, I guess you can save yourself the time to answer. If she's not though, that'll look quite bad on you. Edited June 7, 2017 by umirano Orthography 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmfan08 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Share Posted June 7, 2017 That is tough, because that could be a legit reason. I'd offer up a response along the lines of "Sorry to hear that you had such a rough day, I hope you're able to work things out!" It's not being needy about trying to reschedule if she's avoiding you. But it leaves the door open if she actually wants to reschedule, with the ball in her court. Yeah I'm debating between not replying or saying "Hope things get better. Let me know if you're free some other time when things clear up". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 But even whats the point if she reschedules? she will never have high interest and itl be difficult to date someone like her. i just wouldn't bother replying or even if she messages back i wouldn't go on a date with her. that is not a response of a girl who is excited to see you But if it was legit, then maybe she does still have high interest. If you have a major blow out with your best friend right before you have a date scheduled, it probably is best to reschedule... would you want to go on a first date, crying and upset? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Yeah I'm debating between not replying or saying "Hope things get better. Let me know if you're free some other time when things clear up". Those are you two best options. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmfan08 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Share Posted June 7, 2017 Those are you two best options. I'll reply back after I finish work then, give it a couple of hours. At least that leaves the door open than ignoring her altogether. On the off chance it could be a legit reason, she's from another country so not sure how she'd approach this, but I'm talking to a couple of other people so I'll focus on that. Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 If she's been pretty responsive then just give her the benefit of the doubt. Pretty good suggestions mentioned already. If she flakes the second time call it a flake and move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmfan08 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Share Posted June 7, 2017 But if it was legit, then maybe she does still have high interest. If you have a major blow out with your best friend right before you have a date scheduled, it probably is best to reschedule... would you want to go on a first date, crying and upset? Hard one to judge, the "friend drama" is usually the typical excuse you give, but on a realistic level, if true, would you really want your first impression to a guy be a bad one? Her friend is someone she lives with, which would be awkward but I'll keep the door open and perceive it as lack of interest. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) If she's been pretty responsive then just give her the benefit of the doubt. Pretty good suggestions mentioned already. If she flakes the second time call it a flake and move on I agree with this. There's definitely no need to be nasty about it, as most of us women who have done OLD have experienced! (Not that you said you' were thinking of being nasty). Even if that story wasn't true and she flaked out of something like nerves or anxiety, that warrants compassion in my opinion. Edited June 7, 2017 by CautiouslyOptimistic typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmfan08 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Share Posted June 7, 2017 If she's been pretty responsive then just give her the benefit of the doubt. Pretty good suggestions mentioned already. If she flakes the second time call it a flake and move on Her responses have been very very quick and showed interest. I'm guessing I should say that when things blow over let me know when you're free, etc then cut contact. If she gets back in touch with me down the line, then I'll arrange a date. I won't be chasing her unfortunately, I've done too much of that in the past and I feel if she did actually want to see me she would have asked if I was free on another day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Just do what the others said...No need to get nasty...She might even have menstrual issues and doesn't feel good....She certainly wouldn't tell you that... Just send her a note and tell her you hope she gets it worked out... But then leave the ball in her court...This will tell you if she blew you off or had a legit excuse.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Reach out. Put the ball firmly in court & be confident that you have done the best you can. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she was telling the truth & that she reaches out. Unfortunately, since you said she is from another country, are you sure there are no cultural prohibitions that will prevent her from getting back to you. In some cultures she can't make the first move; you will have to get in touch with her & arrange the next date even if it is her "fault" and an American woman would understand it's up to her to move this forward now that she cancelled it. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 If and when someone flakes on me like that, I just respond with "Sorry to hear, understand" and then that's usually that. I leave the ball in their court to contact me again. 90% of the time they won't, 10% of the time they will. It also depends on the reason - If they blow you off completely then of course you will never talk to them again. If they give an excuse like this woman did, then assuming this is true let her contact you again. If they give a lame excuse like they want to watch a game on TV, I say "forget you!" and blow THEM off should they contact me again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 ... but what's the BEST matured response to flaking like this? the BEST response is no response at all 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fmfan08 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Share Posted June 7, 2017 So should I say "Hope things get better. What other day would work for you?" Then if I get a wishy washy answer, I'll say "Okay maybe some other time. Let me know when your schedule frees up" Good plan? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Great plan! Very mature. Shows empathy but appropriate detachment / confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 So should I say "Hope things get better. What other day would work for you?" Then if I get a wishy washy answer, I'll say "Okay maybe some other time. Let me know when your schedule frees up" Good plan? I wouldn't do that. Instead I would say "I'm sorry to hear that. Let's do it another time" If you get all butt hurt it will kill any future chances. But, you are right in that if her interest level was high she would have offered an alternative. She could have another guy in the picture that may not work out long term and she'll end up calling you down the line. If she is interested she will offer another day / time. I suspect she will not as interested women don't cancel dates. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 I don't think that breaking a date with a stranger is "flaking" but that's beside the point. If this happens, I just say something along the lines of "sorry, I hope it resolves itself soon, let me know if you'd like to get together sometime when things calm down." Ball in her court. Don't call or text her again unless she reaches out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) Eh, seems like a complete flake. If she had an argument and was down, I would hope going out with you would cheer her up and get her mind off of it. I have low flake tolerance so I check out after an excuse like that. To me, that excuse is fairly absurd. She needs to be having a good day to be able to will herself to go out with you I guess. Even if it was true, what a dumb and childish reason to cancel a date. Grow up and refocus on distracting yourself. You'll probably see fb pictures of her out having fun, or you'll have a conversation where she mentions she went out and did something that night instead... Depending on what you feel, you could respond to a flake in a few ways. 1. Reschedule what?...oh, sorry I forgot that was tonight, no worries... (Out flake the flake) 2. No we can't reschedule. I made an effort to clear my schedule and plan a date and if you want to flake fine, but I'm not going to waste any more time on you. 3. No response. Seriously, if she had a blowout that affected her and she was really looking forward to going out with you she would reschedule, offer to plan and pay for a date, apologize for jerking your schedule around, apologize profusely...if she is just giving an excuse she will just give it with a "sorry. can we reschedule". It's usually pretty evident when someone is really apologetic and wants to actually reschedule. They apologize fully and offer dates and times that work for them. From what you posted hers was a simple flake excuse. Edited June 7, 2017 by ChatroomHero Link to post Share on other sites
jessiesgurl Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) Give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her to get in touch when she feels better and y'all can reschedule. DON'T be negative and don't have attitude about it. Then wait for her to get back. If she's doesn't, she's not interested. Another poster proposed these two. 1. No we can't reschedule. I made an effort to clear my schedule and plan a date and if you want to flake fine, but I'm not going to waste any more time on you. 2..No response. NO! Worst responses ever. Too presumptuous and too negative. You want to see this girl again, correct? Then don't use those. Stay positive and toss the ball in her court. Edited June 7, 2017 by jessiesgurl Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 I wouldn't wait at all. There is nothing worth thinking about here. I'd immediately reply back with "ok. let me know." And go on with my day. Of course silence to all chit chat except talk of reschedule. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted June 7, 2017 Share Posted June 7, 2017 Radio silence...or crickets... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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