New_Wife Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Have you ever seen some of those guys up on the roofs on a hot day, shirts off? Nothin' wrong with that! Anyway, Scratch, you seem awfully hostile. Because someone does not share your views you resort to schoolyard insults? Will you move to "ugly & mamma dresses you funny" next? Because if so, could you start a new thread? I've got some young ones at home, and I think I can keep up at that level. I may have to call them for a few pointers - but still - all good. To answer the OP, no, you are not alone. Not everyone cheats, and most people who have been touched (or slapped) by it learn vicariously how awful it is. I would NEVER cheat on my husband. I would, however, purchase a toy if he was gone for an extended time - but he doesn't mind that - heck, he's bought some for me before!
Author JS17 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by New_Wife I would NEVER cheat on my husband. I would, however, purchase a toy if he was gone for an extended time - but he doesn't mind that - heck, he's bought some for me before! your husband is a smart man!!!
noname Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 wow LS'ers are getting kinda scrappy with each other these days. must be the moon... anyway, i have never cheated and don't think i ever will. but i have been witness to scores of people who do. i have been surprised by the most unlikely to cheat so many times that i have no idea who to trust. i am starting to become a firm believer that it is beyond noone, even myself. i am about to get attacked, but i have come to understand that what sets humans apart from the rest of the animal kingdom is our brain size and emotion. strip that away and we act at an instinctive level. we believe in love, karma, trust, pain, etc. so we have precribed that what works best for us and that which is socially acceptable is monogamy. but i truly believe that it is natural for humans to be attracted to others than your SO. some people are weak and choose to act on that and some people suppress the urge. some people are just *ssholes. some people never allow the urge to surface, but it is there, dormant. all of our lives it has been in our nature to be attracted to people. you just can't turn that off when you fall in love. sure you may be satisfied and have no need to go out and sleep with someone else. but it annoys me that people treat attraction as if it is only part of some training program for when they find the right person they love and then it just dissapears. that is until they move on and start the cycle again. i guess my point is that even though i am opposed to cheating on someone, i can almost understand the basis of why people do it...
Pyro Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 I feel like everyone I know has cheated on a significant other at some point. Sometimes I feel likeI'm the only one who hasn't. Am I alone? Cheating has never been in the Riddler's category, nor will it ever. Unfortunately, I have been cheated on, which is one of the most painful experiences ever IMHO. All around me there is cheating. My own family, my friends, old friends. Its ridiculous how common it is.
loony Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by noname wow LS'ers are getting kinda scrappy with each other these days. must be the moon... anyway, i have never cheated and don't think i ever will. but i have been witness to scores of people who do. i have been surprised by the most unlikely to cheat so many times that i have no idea who to trust. i am starting to become a firm believer that it is beyond noone, even myself. i am about to get attacked, but i have come to understand that what sets humans apart from the rest of the animal kingdom is our brain size and emotion. strip that away and we act at an instinctive level. we believe in love, karma, trust, pain, etc. so we have precribed that what works best for us and that which is socially acceptable is monogamy. but i truly believe that it is natural for humans to be attracted to others than your SO. some people are weak and choose to act on that and some people suppress the urge. some people are just *ssholes. some people never allow the urge to surface, but it is there, dormant. all of our lives it has been in our nature to be attracted to people. you just can't turn that off when you fall in love. sure you may be satisfied and have no need to go out and sleep with someone else. but it annoys me that people treat attraction as if it is only part of some training program for when they find the right person they love and then it just dissapears. that is until they move on and start the cycle again. i guess my point is that even though i am opposed to cheating on someone, i can almost understand the basis of why people do it... I think there is truth in this. I don't know a lot of people who really cheated, even though some had started to look around while they were still in a relationship that didn't satisfy them at all. I find that crappy nevertheless, they were not happy with their relationship and instead of breaking things off and giving their partner a chance to find someone else they strung them along till they had found someone else or till they decided that the grass indeed is greener on the other side. Actually, I know more people who got cheated on than people who cheated.
Outcast Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 If "everyone" does cheat, as you believe, then we must ask ourselves why cheating is in our genes and in that of many other species. From an evolutionary, not ethical, perspective,cheating must have an adaptive function. Indeed. Then so must speeding, gambling, and alcoholism. Maybe domestic abuse and murder too? Oh wait! Perhaps some human functions are maladaptive but persist anyway? It's not the greatest thing for the future of pandas that they will only eat eucalyptus yet evolution has not repaired the situation. To attribute human misdeeds to 'evolution' is to abdicate personal responsibility. Cheating is about putting your own pleasure above all other considerations, including the fact that you cause others pain by your deeds. Ultimately, it is about selfishness. this fascinating and enduring species trait. Hardly 'fascinating'. 'Appalling' is a better term. Is it emotional cheating if your best friend is a different person than your SO? Yes if the best friend is the same gender as the SO. The "should be" is incredibly nebulous, but I think I get your meaning. The rub comes, however, when what we often need is comfort or support about our relationship with our SO. That's what therapists or anonymous online forums are for. Sometimes same-gender friends. Never opposite-gender friends. So you feel that you need to cut a friend out of your life if you develop feelings for him when you have a boyfriend? Seems rather draconian to me. Is there a more moderate step one can take without being branded a cheater? The relationship has to change so that you no longer share your innermost thoughts and feelings. Emotional intimacy with somebody who's not your partner is almost guaranteed to lead to cheating, which is why you have to avoid it. Lots of people end up in affairs with friends without intending to because they let themselves become emotionally intimate with their friends. Cheaters have no idea what their cheating does to the ones they love. More that they don't care. They know. They also put their own needs and desires above responsibility, honesty, and strength of character. And no, I don't cheat.
elijahBailey Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 hey, wow, noname, that's pretty good stuff. you basically piece together all my thoughts on this subject. cool! But I suspect our culture is very much to blame. Sometimes I wonder why the divorce rates in the asian countries is so much lower than ours. What's their secret? What are they doing right that we aren't doing?
noname Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by elijahBailey hey, wow, noname, that's pretty good stuff. you basically piece together all my thoughts on this subject. cool! But I suspect our culture is very much to blame. Sometimes I wonder why the divorce rates in the asian countries is so much lower than ours. What's their secret? What are they doing right that we aren't doing? thanks. i suspect our culture is to blame as well. but we construct culture on basis of experience. i think monogamy is very much a social construct based on emotion. if we did not fall in love, were not possessive, and did not feel pain. we would be running around like the rest of the animal kingdom. they are cheating. and they accept it...
SoftDrink Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 i think pandas eat bamboo...and that koalas eat eucalyptus.
noname Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Indeed. Then so must speeding, gambling, and alcoholism. Maybe domestic abuse and murder too? Oh wait! Perhaps some human functions are maladaptive but persist anyway? It's not the greatest thing for the future of pandas that they will only eat eucalyptus yet evolution has not repaired the situation. To attribute human misdeeds to 'evolution' is to abdicate personal responsibility. Cheating is about putting your own pleasure above all other considerations, including the fact that you cause others pain by your deeds. Ultimately, it is about selfishness. yes. and it can be said that selfishness is product of evolution. and (not to be an *ss so don't take it the wrong way) pandas don't eat eucalyptus. they mostly eat bamboo among other things. i think you mean koalas.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by noname i think monogamy is very much a social construct based on emotion. if we did not fall in love, were not possessive, and did not feel pain. we would be running around like the rest of the animal kingdom. they are cheating. and they accept it... Er, not quite. Many animals - including quite a few primates - are monogamous (or faithful - the 2 are not synonymous, remember: polygamy can be faithful, for example). Different animals have different dominant strategies. That's not to say that cheating or multiple partners doesn't happen out there too. IMO human beings seem more to fit the "mostly faithful with some cheating" pattern though.
SoftDrink Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by noname pandas don't eat eucalyptus. they mostly eat bamboo among other things. i think you mean koalas. hahaha, whoops, i posted that right before you did, but i forgot to quote outcast. people probably would have thought i was nuts.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by noname yes. and it can be said that selfishness is product of evolution. So is co-operation and teamwork. We do both.
Outcast Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 i think pandas eat bamboo...and that koalas eat eucalyptus. Whoops! I knew there was something not quite right there. Hey - they're both killer cute and fuzzy LOL. were not possessive, and did not feel pain. we would be running around like the rest of the animal kingdom. they are cheating. and they accept it Therefore one can conclude that evolution has equipped us with emotional responses to cheating that indicate that cheating is in fact not good for this particular species. Why would we suffer pain from this otherwise? As you quite rightly point out, the male apes aren't going out and getting drunk when their females get schtupped by other males.
SoftDrink Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Whoops! I knew there was something not quite right there. Hey - they're both killer cute and fuzzy LOL. honest mistake.
noname Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Er, not quite. Many animals - including quite a few primates - are monogamous (or faithful - the 2 are not synonymous, remember: polygamy can be faithful, for example). Different animals have different dominant strategies. That's not to say that cheating or multiple partners doesn't happen out there too. IMO human beings seem more to fit the "mostly faithful with some cheating" pattern though. you sure? every thing i ever read or watched shows that with the exception of some birds, a few primates, and some sea mammals, it is very much a rare occurance. if you are an expert, forgive my questioning your expertise (and i mean that. i'm not being sarcastic), i've just always known it to be rare. i hear you on the polygamy thing. but do you really believe the mostly faithful thing? and don't get me wrong, i do not cheat and i hate the thought of it, so i am not trying to justify anything. it just seems that those who are faithful, especially in the long term, are truly hard to find... and there has to be some type of explanation other than them just being *ssholes. i have seen the most wholesome, religious, in love, and content people falter...
noname Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo So is co-operation and teamwork. We do both. precisely. i agree totally...
noname Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast Whoops! I knew there was something not quite right there. Hey - they're both killer cute and fuzzy LOL. lol. yeah they are. i got your point regardless. Therefore one can conclude that evolution has equipped us with emotional responses to cheating that indicate that cheating is in fact not good for this particular species. Why would we suffer pain from this otherwise? As you quite rightly point out, the male apes aren't going out and getting drunk when their females get schtupped by other males. yes quite right. and we can also conclude that this emotional response is what drove us to categorize it as "cheating" in the first place, while without that stigma, it would be simply copulation or reproduction. exactly my point. what sets us aside is that part of our brain that enjoys and possesses that makes us value sex and closeness. that part that makes us value as more than just reproduction. that part which gives us pain. between schtupping as many females as they possess, and trying to crack the skull of any male that comes to close to their harem, they don't have time to get drunk...
Outcast Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 between schtupping as many females as they possess, and trying to crack the skull of any male that comes to close to their harem, they don't have time to get drunk... You talking about some guys you know?
noname Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast You talking about some guys you know? yep. and some girls too...
Recommended Posts