annaUK Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 been with my man nearly a year, we were having a really happy healthy relationship till now. it's been going really well till recently, i've been so relaxed and happy. the only thing i was a bit discontented with was that not being able to spend time together (work commitments) which felt like it was stopping our relationship progressing, i.e the being really close when we could spend proper time together but this not being maintained cos we were only seing bits of each other- few hours here and there.. any ways this issue got blown into a mamouth thing cos i have freaked myself out. we were getting on SO well before i went away on business; i missed him loads while i was away. but on my return a couple of weeks ago i have caused massive issues, i've worked myself up into thinkin it won't work out with us cos we both find it so hard to get close (he has a series of 1-2 year relationship, so do i), and i can't let it go. but the paradox being that the more i'm thinkin like this and being not nice to my boyfriend the further apart we're becoming. we haven't had sex for the last week. so i've taken something lovely and instead of nuturing it so we can be as close as i want, i'm destroying it and i can't stop. it's a replay of me and my ex and i'm freaked out. it feels like all this has confirmed that i'm incapable of having an adult relationship and being happy, am that i'm not a good girlfriend. arrrrh. i thought that i'd got over being a weirdo but i obviusly haven't. anyways, don't know how to drag myself out of this one, every time i see him at the moment i make it worse, feel like running a mile... i really really want to not mess this up but it feels inevitable cos i'm doubting my ability to make it work. i do see what's going on but feel i can't control it. advice please.
lostinmymind Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 You are capable of sustaining a relationship. It just sounds like you have some self-confidence issues. I don't mean this in a bad way at all, but this is a problem with you, not with the relationship. This is evidenced by the fact that you said it has happened before. You can fix it though, find some good self help books on the subject, or go talk one on one with a counselor. This problem is up to you to fix, go out and make yourself a better person, you deserve to have lots of self-confidence and your boyfriend deserves a woman who believes in herself. Also, if you haven't already you should discuss this with your boyfriend. He can't help you, but he needs to know what to attribute your attitude to. Good Luck
Author annaUK Posted August 5, 2005 Author Posted August 5, 2005 thanks for that. you are completely right. I am endevouring to build back the trust I have broken and to believe that I can maintain a healthy relationship. Intellectually I can see what I am doing and the result of my actions, but sometimes it's all to easy to slip into old self defeating ways. I just hope I can re-establish his faith in me.
dr strangelove Posted August 6, 2005 Posted August 6, 2005 Hi Anna Uk Im responding to your thread here for because of my ex. You share her name. Its funny whenever I try to block her out or forget about her he name pops up, just like r hi remember me. Its not even that common of a name really. Well I guess I wanted to im sure you are a great girlfriend like her, you are probably one of the best like her as well. She was kinda quirky and had issues just like you, but some guys really like that. And they see the beautiful lady under it all. Anna you are a great girlfriend, try to remember absence makes the hear grow fonder.
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