travelgirl3 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 So, I've been seeing a guy for about a month. At the beginning he texted and called me all of the time. Recently he's been going days without communicating with me and he doesn't really call me anymore (I initiate communication as well). The last time we spoke was Friday night by text. He was replying and then I asked him what he was up to and I did not hear from him until I saw his number pop up on my phone last night at 11:30. That's 4 days without contact. He said sorry for not getting in touch sooner, he was busy and we lost contact. We didn't lose contact, he stopped responding to me. Maybe I'm overreacting because we're not exclusive or anything but I feel like going 4 days without contacting me shows that he's not very interested. What are your thoughts?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 So, I've been seeing a guy for about a month. At the beginning he texted and called me all of the time. Recently he's been going days without communicating with me and he doesn't really call me anymore (I initiate communication as well). The last time we spoke was Friday night by text. He was replying and then I asked him what he was up to and I did not hear from him until I saw his number pop up on my phone last night at 11:30. That's 4 days without contact. He said sorry for not getting in touch sooner, he was busy and we lost contact. We didn't lose contact, he stopped responding to me. Maybe I'm overreacting because we're not exclusive or anything but I feel like going 4 days without contacting me shows that he's not very interested. What are your thoughts? Yes, I agree with you. Especially since it was over the weekend and his lame reason was "we lost contact." 2
Zahara Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 So, I've been seeing a guy for about a month. At the beginning he texted and called me all of the time. Recently he's been going days without communicating with me and he doesn't really call me anymore (I initiate communication as well). The last time we spoke was Friday night by text. He was replying and then I asked him what he was up to and I did not hear from him until I saw his number pop up on my phone last night at 11:30. That's 4 days without contact. He said sorry for not getting in touch sooner, he was busy and we lost contact. We didn't lose contact, he stopped responding to me. Maybe I'm overreacting because we're not exclusive or anything but I feel like going 4 days without contacting me shows that he's not very interested. What are your thoughts? He's probably dating other women. He's seeing you casually. Sounds like he considers you to be an option. Busy is not an excuse. He didn't lose contact -- he just didn't care to make contact. Go out and date others. Treat this one as a casual interest but if you are emotionally invested, then move on. When someone is interested, they will show you. It's as simple as that. 11
Sara1989 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Yep i be looking to date others at this point, he is pulling away... it sucks but very common in od world. 1
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 He is barely interested. Flush him down the drain and find yourself a nice man that actually wants to get to know you. 4
salparadise Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) He is barely interested. Flush him down the drain and find yourself a nice man that actually wants to get to know you. It pisses you off when a man doesn't pursue properly and allow the [woman to] have the power of choice, doesn't it Gaeta? Edited June 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator typo 1
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) It pisses you off when a man doesn't pursue properly and allow the [woman to] have the power of choice, doesn't it Gaeta? I believe that men & women that are interested ACT interested. It's not at all about genders. If OP was a man and he had communicated with a woman on Friday and only got a reply Tuesday night I would have advice the same. A man or a woman that takes 4 days to reply is not 'interested' unless he has an acceptable explanation. *I was busy* is not one. In dating I have 1 principal, give your time and attention to serious daters. Edited June 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote 5
kendahke Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 So, I've been seeing a guy for about a month. At the beginning he texted and called me all of the time. Recently he's been going days without communicating with me and he doesn't really call me anymore (I initiate communication as well). The last time we spoke was Friday night by text. He was replying and then I asked him what he was up to and I did not hear from him until I saw his number pop up on my phone last night at 11:30. That's 4 days without contact. He said sorry for not getting in touch sooner, he was busy and we lost contact. We didn't lose contact, he stopped responding to me. Maybe I'm overreacting because we're not exclusive or anything but I feel like going 4 days without contacting me shows that he's not very interested. What are your thoughts? I'd have told him exactly what you said here instead of keeping it to yourself. That way, you will know without a shadow of a doubt where you stand with him and he you. But you're right: you're not exclusive and he's not acting like he wants it to be that, so the question is: why are you acting as if you are exclusive with all the expectations that brings when you're not? Keep your expectations in line with what has actually fallen out in experience, not with the artificial construct you've been investing in. 1
kendahke Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 In dating I have 1 principal, give your time and attention to serious daters. but this guy isn't a serious dater and his behavior has born that out to OP--she's the one who invested in an artificial construct with someone she hasn't even had a talk about exclusivity with.
salparadise Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) I believe that men & women that are interested ACT interested. It's not at all about genders. If OP was a man and he had communicated with a woman on Friday and only got a reply Tuesday night I would have advice the same. Yea, I agree that he's less enthralled than she obviously thought to be the case, but we really don't know how far this had progressed. They were texting on a Friday night rather than being on a date, so that's one clue. Had they been dating every weekend prior to that? Were they having sex or was she holding it off, etc? If they were seeing each other once a week for a month, that's only four dates. We also don't know if she reached out during that time and got no response, or if she was just sitting home wondering... too prideful to shoot him a text asking what's up. But the thing that I thought was odd was the vilification. "Flush him down the drain" I believe were the words. I do believe there are some gender expectations included there... like the guy is morally obliged to be pre-sold and engage in intense pursuit with flawless consistency. It just is what it is. He's lukewarm, she thought it was a done deal. Edited June 7, 2017 by salparadise 2
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 It's pretty obvious he's doin the slow fade in hopes you will get the hint it's over.
Maggie4 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Is this long distance? If you don't meet up, communication gets pretty old pretty quick.
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I checked her past threads. They chatted for 2 weeks before meeting They had sex that weekend From there he stopped calling and barely text. Forward another 2 weeks of barely communicating with her and when she ask him what he is up to on Friday he does not reply and gets back to her 4 days later at 11 pm Tuesday. I think it"s crystal clear what is going on. 3
jessiesgurl Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) It's pretty obvious he's doin the slow fade in hopes you will get the hint it's over. I don't think anything is obvious at this point. Neither she nor any of us are mind-readers and as such have no idea what's going on in this guy's brain. They are NOT exclusive, and it could be something as simple as he needed some lone time to do WHATEVER. Since they're not exclusive, he felt no obligation to "check in" with OP as he otherwise might have were they in an exclusive committed RL. OP, if you want more accountability, contact, attention, whatever, I would suggest you communicate with him what you want and gauge his reaction. That is the only way you will know for sure. Edited June 7, 2017 by jessiesgurl 1
Dis Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I checked her past threads. They chatted for 2 weeks before meeting They had sex that weekend From there he stopped calling and barely text. Ohhhh why why why must women do this?! If women are going to get their feelings hurt when they never see/talk to the guy again after sex...wtf do they have sex without exclusivity and a solid foundation with a guy???? Most of the time...when a woman has sex with a man early on, with no exclusivity or anything else.....he takes off. Thats just how it works OP, this guy has no interest in you. He hit it and quit it He doesnt deserve your time, communication or thoughts You should be turned off by his indifference not upset over it Move on ASAP And next time...hold off on sex 2
shahjskalio Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I've been through something like this. He doesn't want to be exclusive. He wants things casual and it seems like you want something more so the best to do is to stop talking to him. If a guy truly wants commitment with you, he'll commit in a few weeks.
starrynight4321 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 A guy who you've been seeing for a month that doesn't contact you for 4 days is suffering from one of the following: 1. He's not serious about you - he's keeping you around for days when he's particularly bored, or when he needs some sex (assuming you're having sex) 2. He's extremely socially and dating-world awkward, to the point that he doesn't realize not being in touch for 4 days will raise questions in your head given that it's been a while since you started dating. Either way, you lose. A guy who likes you, knows he likes you, and knows how to date you will not go that long without contacting you after a month of dating. Nobody is that busy, period.
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