Jamespete Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 After a difficult breakup (which wasn't my choice) my ex has said she wants to be friends. I have problems with insecurities which lead to the break but she says because she cares about me she wants to be there for me whilst I 'get better'. She sent a message saying get better for myself, george (my son) and her. Another said if you love me show me you can get better. We have spoken and it's been made clear that friends is all it will be but she said she'd like to meet up in a few weeks as she didn't want it to end badly. She cannot promise anything else and also said she can't promise she won't meet someone new even though 'not looking' We spent last night texting and se ended by saying 'text anytime you want and I'll do the same' this morning I woke to a text saying her son had found my deodorant spray under her bed and had sprayed himself with it to be grown up' I found this text particularly insensitive and didn't answer. She says she's getting nothing out of this being friends but she wants to help me because she knows I'm down. Is she being fair??? Why is she doing this??? She knows I want to sort myself out and try again but she says she's just living her life and can't promise anything. It's actually making me feel worse because I'm not sure if she's playing games or there is a chance.
coledvids Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 It's best for YOU not to be friends with her, right now. Can you handle it if she tells you she's met someone else? Can you handle it if she doesn't reply to your messages because she's in bed with him? If the answer to those questions is no, you need to get out of this, NOW. You won't be able to get better while you're in this dynamic. If SHE loved YOU, she wouldn't have broken up with you. It's all about you now, man. Take care of you. 1
SpecialJ Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 If you have problems with yourself that YOU want to address, and fix for you not for her, then you can do that yourself without her. In fact, if you want to distance yourself from her for the foreseeable future (which sounds healthier for you than trying to be friends) but amicably, just tell her you thought about what she said and do want to work on yourself for a while -- and though you appreciate her support, you hope she can understand that you need to do it alone and her presence will distract you. Any chance to reconcile would be way in the future, after you've gotten over her and this relationship and made changes for yourself. Then, months and months and months down the road, you can see if you're both still single and if the new you works better with her. Or you can find someone else who deserves the new you because that person never dumped the old you. Either way, you've got some reflection to do -- far away from her. Focus on yourself, which is easier said than done after a breakup, but will prevent you from painfully dragging things out that aren't going to go anywhere for you.
Maldives Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I would say definatly don't be friends. Set a standard for ureself and show her u wont settle for less. All ur doing is making her feel less guilty for her decision. Sounds like she's riddled wth guilt and it's her way of alleviating that. The other thing I strongly believe is she's keeping u there just in case the dating pool is shallow. Think about it, if someone loves u they don't break up wth u have work it out together they would want to. She sounds like she's keeping her options open. Don't be a doormat and close the door on her 1
coledvids Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I'd also like to say that I experienced something similar a couple of years ago. I was broken up with, after finding out she'd been chatting to other guys. We met up once, and she gave me this whole spiel of "sort yourself out, we'll see what happens, we can be friends" - I believed it, at the time. What actually happened after that was that she met someone else immediately (still with him) and we never spoke again. Nothing came of it. What the moral of that is is that these people don't truly 'love' you - move on and leave her in the past.
Whodatdog Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) It seems this break up was 2 months ago. Have you 2 been still in contact all this time? If so, dont you see where its best to just go no contact? Edited June 7, 2017 by Whodatdog
salparadise Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Compassionate is always better than cold and cruel, but you need to realize what's best for you overall. Taper it off quickly and hope you're NC before she starts schtupping somebody else. Don't accept too much charity 1
Phoenician Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 After a difficult breakup (which wasn't my choice) my ex has said she wants to be friends. I have problems with insecurities which lead to the break but she says because she cares about me she wants to be there for me whilst I 'get better'. She sent a message saying get better for myself, george (my son) and her. Another said if you love me show me you can get better. We have spoken and it's been made clear that friends is all it will be but she said she'd like to meet up in a few weeks as she didn't want it to end badly. She cannot promise anything else and also said she can't promise she won't meet someone new even though 'not looking' We spent last night texting and se ended by saying 'text anytime you want and I'll do the same' this morning I woke to a text saying her son had found my deodorant spray under her bed and had sprayed himself with it to be grown up' I found this text particularly insensitive and didn't answer. She says she's getting nothing out of this being friends but she wants to help me because she knows I'm down. Is she being fair??? Why is she doing this??? She knows I want to sort myself out and try again but she says she's just living her life and can't promise anything. It's actually making me feel worse because I'm not sure if she's playing games or there is a chance. she just need casual sex.
salparadise Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 She's doing this charity routine to assuage guilt and view herself as a good, kind person. But she's done with you, and when it suits her purpose she'll cut you off in a NY minute. Best if you're the one to pull the plug.
Author Jamespete Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 It seems this break up was 2 months ago. Have you 2 been still in contact all this time? If so, dont you see where its best to just go no contact? We broke up 2 months ago for a week, and got back together after she reached out....things were good then we had a fight...she ended it again. I agree she's doing this to paint herself on a good light and I haven't replied to the messages today.
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