Jump to content

What would you do if she got a text at 1AM from a guy and is secretive

NoLeafClover

By NoLeafClover
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

Posted
Posted

What would you do if the girl you were seeing gets a text at 1 am from a guy...while you two are laying on her bed watching a movie and she gets secretive about it...

 

This was my 2nd night at her place and since the beginning she has been acting strange.

Both nights i have been at her place, she refuses to be intimate in anyway. She calls me over in the later hrs, throws me in her bed, tells me she's falling for me but will not do anything but just makeout and kiss.

We are 30 and shes 26 and she has a 6 yr old. I have had this gut feeling shes got someone else she's screwing or something as if shes not 100 percent there and doesn't want to get physical torturing both of us in bed. All my foreplay advances would be stopped and rejected for no apparent reason. It's def not a situation of being uncomfortable or prude, she talks about her toys and how crazy shes in bed freely but when im there it's so different like she just wants to lay there.

 

Last night her phone vibrated at 1am while we were netflixing..and she played it all cool like it wasn't even there...i asked and she goes oh was prob my phone...a min after, she tells me she needed to smoke real quick.

She gets up, gets a cigarette.. and got very slick grabbing her phone under the pillow before going outside to smoke.

I was already suspecious when she avoided looking at her phone in the room.

She then comes back and gets on the bed 1 min after(must have been the shortest cig brean ive ever seen ..and I don't even smoke), lays her head on me and proceeds to show me some stupid things on her phone without saying anything about her text that just went off couple min before.

 

I asked her did you check your phone and she says yes it was a text.

I said "oh what did it say" and she says "really nothing"

Gut feeling kicks in..jokingly I repeat myself...soo what did if say..

It said "are you up" as she's trying to change subjects quickly..

I said "ohh from..."

And she gets all secretive and says "just my friend"

I said "a friend texted you at 1 am to see if you're up? Is it an emergency, are they ok?"

she goes "oh i donno".

And i said "who's this friend that doesn't have a name..."

and her voice gets all low as she's getting nervous.

she: just a friend..

ME: Who's this friend Jess....

she: "just my friend Mike"

 

Goosebumps kick in...heart skips few beats too many..

 

ME: so your friend Mike is texting you at 1 AM to see if you're up and you don't even bother to say anything at first

She: I dont know, he never texts me during this time

 

I lay for a couple more min acting all chill watching tv...then get up from her bed, put my jeans back on, shoes on..she says "what are you doing" , i look at her on her face and say "DO NOT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN".

 

Im just boiling inside at this point.

 

She starts with "omg you are over reacting"

I said "it should have started with you getting your phone, looking at it and telling me right there and then...and then explaining yourself who the f is Mike that's texting my girl at 1 in the morning.

Not you pulling tricks on me by going outside with your phone for 1 min cig. break and then come back not even saying anything about him after you texted or called him real quick".

Her: He's just a friend

Me: i have a friend who also texts me late at time..and that person is you but that's cause we trying to F**k.

Mike is trying to F U, and you are hidding **** from me willingly and clearly he is texting because you've allowed this to happen and it's not the 1st time. You want to run game on me. When i was doing this crap in college, you were playing nintendo. Call Mike but do not contact me ever again. You can't even tell me a dude is messaging you at 1 am with me being here..let alone when im away. You'd prob invite them over and tell me you passed out.

I have been nothing but respectful to you while you've been acting like a virgin mary with me yet you have booty calls in the middle of the night. Im not allowing this crap"

 

She sits there not believing i caught her bs.

 

I get out, go to my car and she runs to the passenger seat and starts with

"stop, come in lets talk. Then, are you coming in or what...

I said "or what? You're threatening me with OR WHAT? Like you're the one that's suppose to be mad here, really?.. I am done with you and your lies. I would never get over this stuff in the first place.

Her: Dont do this, come inside, why you doing this

Me: cause i don't deal with liers.

Her: give it another chance

ME: I Dont give 2nd chances to pos that try to screw me over. Ive given you chances before and you've burned down all your bridges with me with your attitude, your shady secretive ways and now with involving other guys between us. Now get out my car.

 

She gets out, i leave, block her number & txts

Drove back home at 2 am...never slept so well in my life. Everything makes sense now. All the weird acting, the hot and cold attitude, the constant replies then long no replies at random intervals. ..

(Bare with me im typing this on my phone)

  • Like 4
Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted

Yup, I would be out.

  • Like 1
TheAntiHero Established Member

TheAntiHero

Posted
Posted

Good job, man.

 

Women love keeping "orbiters" around just in case a relationship doesn't work out.

 

Oh, and women, down the road, will call your behavior controlling just so they can continue to shop around.

  • Like 3
Purepony Established Member

Purepony

Posted
Posted

Well done and well deserved on her end !

I praise you for your strong attitude and firm action

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted
Well done and well deserved on her end !

I praise you for your strong attitude and firm action

 

Eh, he seems extremely invested. He is not going to walk away for long.

 

As for her, yeah she is not that into the OP. Women tend to nip all the orbiters in the bud when they meet someone they are serious about.

htmshsj Established Member

htmshsj

Posted
Posted

She's prob getting plowed by Mike. Plus she smokes. But dunno if I would've overreacted the way you did since it's only your 2nd night over there. She sounds like the type that likes drama though, so you're giving her that at least.

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted

If she was back in a minute she didn't have time to reply nor was she expecting him to reply back to her or she wouldn't have returned back to you so fast.

 

You sure like drama if one text at 1am got you so flustered!

 

The dignified thing would have been to just walk away. What I don't understand is why you didn't prior to this moment as you kept mentioning other lies up there in your post - I don't understand why you were even with her by the time of the text if you had been aware of a pile of other lies.

  • Like 5
Casper. Member

Casper.

Posted
Posted

I don't really see that its so much about that particular text as about you guys as a couple.

 

At the end of the day, if that is your genuine reaction to the text, the first thought that your head goes too, then you don't her, your gut is telling you its wrong.

 

And it doesn't really matter if that's right or wrong, if she's untrustworthy or not. It just is what it is! It doesn't feel right in your gut - so you are right to walk away. And there was no point dragging it out, you're never going to change what you feel in your gut with excuses, or reason.

  • Like 3
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

You had every right to end things but I think your level of hostility & your word choices were over the top. You could have expressed anger & displeasure without the vulgarity.

  • Like 3
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

hey you haven't been around for quite awhile....so how are things with you besides just dumping yer GF........

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)

Crude, but effective, I suppose.

 

To answer the question in the title of this thread: I wouldn't have gone all into showing her how badly she messed up your head... you let your emotions have way too much of their head if all of what you type actually went down and you're not embellishing this story.

 

Me? I would have gotten dressed while she was gone and left so that she came back to an empty house. By that time, I'd have blocked her so I wouldn't have had to hear it.

Edited by kendahke
BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Sorry ladies, OP did exactly the right thing...

 

To make it worse she was stringing you along for potential sex and you liked her enough to put up with it, better man than I am for sure at that point. I would never hang with a girl that did not want to get busy after 2 or 3 dates.

 

You did everything right. Of course she was playing you the whole time, and giving it up to Mike whenever she could.

 

Good for you OP, this is how more men should handle it as well and maybe so much of this crap would not go on...

  • Like 2
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
Sorry ladies, OP did exactly the right thing...

 

To make it worse she was stringing you along for potential sex and you liked her enough to put up with it, better man than I am for sure at that point. I would never hang with a girl that did not want to get busy after 2 or 3 dates.

 

You did everything right. Of course she was playing you the whole time, and giving it up to Mike whenever she could.

 

Good for you OP, this is how more men should handle it as well and maybe so much of this crap would not go on...

 

Mike could also be her gay, emo friend who is calling her crying and wondering why the guy he had been with dumped him.

 

Don't assume when there are no facts. OP has no facts, just his emotions. He doesn't know anything about who Mike is--he projected onto Mike's behavior because chances are, he's done that 1am booty call himself and thinks every guy does that with the same intentions. The guilty always make the most noise.

  • Like 4
doyathinkso Established Member

doyathinkso

Posted
Posted

Oh NoLeaf you big meanie. You ruined her booty call. Maybe.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

Posted
Posted

I agree that I don't know why you need to throw such a scene over it. I think you have enough reasons to break it off, but there is no reason not to be respectful about it.

 

Definitely a glowing red flag when she keeps talking about what a freak she is in bed, but pushes you away at every opportunity. It wasn't going anywhere anyway.

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

Posted
Posted

Coming from a woman, she is probably multi-dating or best case has some guys from before you still reaching out. I have had guys reach out to me weeks, months, and years after telling them I was seeing someone new.

 

I think your instincts were right that he wasn't just a friend. I've called a few men who tried to tell me they had lunch with a friend and then I asked them how the date went.

 

I agree with the others you can be firm but not be a jerk though. I live in a large city but I have run into so many exes. Some have asked for second chances many years later after being jerks or cowards. It's always good to be able to have your head held high IMO.

 

FWIW - I would consider myself a freak in bed and love sex but I attach easily so I take my time with who I sleep with. I do mention it though because I don't want to give the impression I'm putting off sex because I hate it and will never put out. Instead I am careful so I share it with but when I do I go all out.

  • Like 2
mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

I'd just forget this if I were you. I can't say 100% that she is cheating with someone else, but remember if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it, it will always linger and cause a problem. And this is something that's not right and is causing a problem. Best to move on.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)

You are at her place for the 2nd times only and you [questioned her] about a text coming in. I would have been the one getting up and kicking you out.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content
  • Like 5
  • 4 months later...
  • Author
NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
You are at her place for the 2nd times only and you [questioned her] about a text coming in. I would have been the one getting up and kicking you out.

 

I am not going to allow someone who invites me over at night, says is falling for me but won't even removed her or my clothes yet says is a freak in bed...and eventhough i had no issue with no getting busy because i legitimately liked the girl...she gets a booty text but hides the fact that a "friend" texted her and the friend was a guy.

 

Why hide it if it's nothing..why be all secretive? I NEED to know by default as the person that is seeing/dating/sleeping in her bed.

 

If she is hiding that and being all shady then I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO WALK OUT AND FLICK HER OFF.

 

i explained her what was up exactly how I felt and how it was.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T / Edit quote ~W
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
What would you do if the girl you were seeing gets a text at 1 am from a guy...while you two are laying on her bed watching a movie and she gets secretive about it...

 

This was my 2nd night at her place and since the beginning she has been acting strange.

Both nights i have been at her place, she refuses to be intimate in anyway. She calls me over in the later hrs, throws me in her bed, tells me she's falling for me but will not do anything but just makeout and kiss.

We are 30 and shes 26 and she has a 6 yr old. I have had this gut feeling shes got someone else she's screwing or something as if shes not 100 percent there and doesn't want to get physical torturing both of us in bed. All my foreplay advances would be stopped and rejected for no apparent reason. It's def not a situation of being uncomfortable or prude, she talks about her toys and how crazy shes in bed freely but when im there it's so different like she just wants to lay there.

 

Last night her phone vibrated at 1am while we were netflixing..and she played it all cool like it wasn't even there...i asked and she goes oh was prob my phone...a min after, she tells me she needed to smoke real quick.

She gets up, gets a cigarette.. and got very slick grabbing her phone under the pillow before going outside to smoke.

I was already suspecious when she avoided looking at her phone in the room.

She then comes back and gets on the bed 1 min after(must have been the shortest cig brean ive ever seen ..and I don't even smoke), lays her head on me and proceeds to show me some stupid things on her phone without saying anything about her text that just went off couple min before.

 

I asked her did you check your phone and she says yes it was a text.

I said "oh what did it say" and she says "really nothing"

Gut feeling kicks in..jokingly I repeat myself...soo what did if say..

It said "are you up" as she's trying to change subjects quickly..

I said "ohh from..."

And she gets all secretive and says "just my friend"

I said "a friend texted you at 1 am to see if you're up? Is it an emergency, are they ok?"

she goes "oh i donno".

And i said "who's this friend that doesn't have a name..."

and her voice gets all low as she's getting nervous.

she: just a friend..

ME: Who's this friend Jess....

she: "just my friend Mike"

 

Goosebumps kick in...heart skips few beats too many..

 

ME: so your friend Mike is texting you at 1 AM to see if you're up and you don't even bother to say anything at first

She: I dont know, he never texts me during this time

 

I lay for a couple more min acting all chill watching tv...then get up from her bed, put my jeans back on, shoes on..she says "what are you doing" , i look at her on her face and say "DO NOT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN".

 

Im just boiling inside at this point.

 

She starts with "omg you are over reacting"

I said "it should have started with you getting your phone, looking at it and telling me right there and then...and then explaining yourself who the f is Mike that's texting my girl at 1 in the morning.

Not you pulling tricks on me by going outside with your phone for 1 min cig. break and then come back not even saying anything about him after you texted or called him real quick".

Her: He's just a friend

Me: i have a friend who also texts me late at time..and that person is you but that's cause we trying to F**k.

Mike is trying to F U, and you are hidding **** from me willingly and clearly he is texting because you've allowed this to happen and it's not the 1st time. You want to run game on me. When i was doing this crap in college, you were playing nintendo. Call Mike but do not contact me ever again. You can't even tell me a dude is messaging you at 1 am with me being here..let alone when im away. You'd prob invite them over and tell me you passed out.

I have been nothing but respectful to you while you've been acting like a virgin mary with me yet you have booty calls in the middle of the night. Im not allowing this crap"

 

She sits there not believing i caught her bs.

 

I get out, go to my car and she runs to the passenger seat and starts with

"stop, come in lets talk. Then, are you coming in or what...

I said "or what? You're threatening me with OR WHAT? Like you're the one that's suppose to be mad here, really?.. I am done with you and your lies. I would never get over this stuff in the first place.

Her: Dont do this, come inside, why you doing this

Me: cause i don't deal with liers.

Her: give it another chance

ME: I Dont give 2nd chances to pos that try to screw me over. Ive given you chances before and you've burned down all your bridges with me with your attitude, your shady secretive ways and now with involving other guys between us. Now get out my car.

 

She gets out, i leave, block her number & txts

Drove back home at 2 am...never slept so well in my life. Everything makes sense now. All the weird acting, the hot and cold attitude, the constant replies then long no replies at random intervals. ..

(Bare with me im typing this on my phone)

 

it sounds familiar to me what you gone through. I say bravo you caught the player before she played you. The text was very important to her. Not as important as you being there. (Excuse) She running to your car and sitting there with you to keep you from leaving.. (Excuse)

 

What do you have to offer her that she did all of that in front of you. Are you well off (have Job drive a nice car/truck/SUV.. But you see all that doesn't matter to her she has just maybe the baby's father texting her. Didn't you say she had 6 I take that as child.

 

Well most men would have gone back to bed with her but you had the guts to tell her off and drove off too. Never again. She'll won't miss you she can text back the guy to come over now. Your gone.

 

She's the type that loves to play games and text and get late night text so important not to tell you it's a guy texting (just a friend) I've heard that many times. She would say to me are jealous BS, no I do not like lies or cheating. I've kick out 1 that did that to me right out of this house. I drove to the bus depot. Never spoken to her ever again.

  • Like 2
  • Author
NoLeafClover Established Member

NoLeafClover

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I want to appologize to everyone for posting and never getting back. I was a bit fired up when I wrote this because it was very fresh and completely forgot about it after LOL.

To answer some of your questions and to give you an update, I had been in no contact with the woman since the situation happened.

I am not sure where people are getting the fact that I was interrogating her but what I sent to her happened after I walked out and got in my car and she jumped in my car. That's when I said what I had to say because she would not get out of my car and frankly I don't regret a single word I said.

 

There wasn't a single doubt in me that this guy was more than just a friend. If that was the case she would have told me right there and then instead of going behind my back. There was absolutely no reason why to hide it.

 

You better happen to me and a friend who was a girl texted me and I had a girl in my bed that I was interested in I would have told that girl right there and then about the text unless I was screwing them both LOL. It makes complete sense to be honest.

 

After 2 days of me walking out on her, she emailed me an apology letter stating how sorry she was but did not explain anything whatsoever over the situation and it sounded very blunt. Even at the very end there was a part of that she said she wished me luck and she would keep my mother in her prayers. I'm not even sure what my mother has to do with anything because she never even met her or talked about my mother at all LOL .

I never replied and left it at that.

Recently(about 5 months after) I ran into her phone number on my old phone and decided to text her just to test myself ...we ended up having a quick chat and by the end of the conversation I felt very indifferent.

 

She on the other hand was all giggly and happy and all. Like she couldn't believe that I actually still had her number ( even though it was from my old phone.) Asking me all these questions and even told me she has thought of me. She was trying to figure out if I still had any type of feelings for her. I'm pretty sure if I wanted to I could still get with her but hell no.

It was strange because even though she was being all happy and flirty that I contacted her, I still felt like she was being very fake after I saw everything that happened right in front of me. I can never see her the same.

It's like I can see through her BS.

healing light Established Member

healing light

Posted
Posted

I'm an insomniac, so people text me at all hours of the day. Male, female, garden gnome, whatever; if it has a pulse, it texts me at night. I tend to function as people's unpaid therapist so there's that, too.

 

That being said, I think OP went off hysterically on this woman. To the point where I wonder what has happened to him in the past to make him react that way. After that huge show, I think it's cruel to dangle a carrot in front of that lady 5 months later just for the hell of it.

 

But that's just me.

  • Like 4
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

hey like I always say, if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Follow your gut instinct, because more than likely it's true.

 

Whatever happened, whether it was bs or not, this is about moving on now, and being satisfied you make the right choice for yourself.

  • Like 1
Steve51 Established Member

Steve51

Posted
Posted

Do not know what I would do but it sure would not be as simple as posting about it.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...