rushed Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 In my last relationship, whenever an ex would try to get in contact with me or a guy would flirt with me or ask me out, I wouldn't tell my then boyfriend. I'd always shoot the guy down, but I wouldn't tell my boyfriend about it because he had really bad jealousy issues. My current boyfriend doesn't have those issues. I've no qualms telling him about an ex contacting me or a guy flirting with me. But at what point does it just become oversharing? I remember reading a post on here where it was hinted that one partner was trying to make the other partner jealous by letting them know someone was flirting with them. Someone commented that it just does no good to let the other person know about the flirting. A coworker just asked me out (via the company phone). He doesn't work at my site. I met him a couple of months ago when I had to travel for work so it would be rare for me to ever bump into him again. However, he does call my department regularly so chances are pretty good I'll be speaking to him again (I turned him down nicely, letting him know I had a boyfriend, hopefully alleviating any awkwardness in the future). I'm pretty sure I'm going to shoot my boyfriend a text about it. But is this and situations like this, something one normally shares with their partner? I'm not trying to make him jealous. I just want to be transparent with him.
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I never said anything to a SO when I was asked out. I politely said no then went back to my regularly scheduled relationship. From various internet boards a lot of people seemed to think that was deceitful on my part. So when I got married, I thought gee I better change & be more transparent. The next time some guy flirted with me, I told DH. He was dumbfounded. After a long pause he asked why I was telling him this. I explained that the message boards said I should. He laughed. He assured me that he knows I know how to handle myself & that he trusts me. He asked that I not bother him unless I expect him to do something about it -- like punch the other guy. Based on that experience, I'd have a discussion with your SO about what he wants. Some guys want to know & will freak out that you're hiding something if you don't tell them. Other men, like my husband & truth be told all the guys I ever dated, trust their SOs to handle themselves in a faithful & dignified manner. 3
hippychick3 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 My bf says he wants to know anytime someone hits on me or acts interested. However, he gets upset every time I tell him (not at me, just the guy) so most of the time I don't say anything. Since I make it clear I'm in a relationship and discourage any further advances, I don't feel I'm being dishonest by not telling him. 1
Texashunter Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Look if you are a true person not only to you but your partner you need to stop that person in their tracks. You have the choice to make and should act accordingly. Make sure this person knows this isn't acceptable. If you feel this needs to be talked about with your partner then do so. Seek his advice and allow him to have a choice in your life. If you take that ability away from him to work as a true partnership then the relationship will fail. No man wants to feel left out of their partnership and find out when it's too late that you didn't give him a chance to help you deal with situations that could effect both of you..but again..these are your choices to make and the results you'll have to live with. 1
spanz1 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 i would only tell your BF what he wants to know. I would not hide anything, but would not provide details unless he specifically asked.
Superchicken Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 If its a once of attempt from an old flame, then, I don't see the need for any mention of it. However, if this was ongoing, then, you should let you partner know. But only if you have been together for a while, like 6 months, or more. Protect yourself from any potential problems if ever your BF gets wind that your ex and you have been talking. He may not believe it was, as you say it was, and take it as a more serious problem between the two of you... By letting him know, it shows that your not hiding anything, and you really are trying to remove any further contact with him. My suggestion, is no better or worse than the others here. Look at which is more in line with your personality, and what you would want your BF, to do in the same position as you. Ted
mikeylo Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 If a guy has an attractive gf/wife, he has to be prepared that other men will also find her attractive and want her. But not all guys are able to handle it.So you've got to see. If its a once off hit, deal with it yourself but if its from someone ongoing and you feel that the guy is or could cross the line despite of you rejecting him etc., then of course tell your bf before it goes far. But again, you've got to know your guy well enough as to how he will react. If you think you can't tell him for any reason then you have bigger problems than the other guy hitting on you.
Aqulesco Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 my wife and I tell each other just because its part of life. Shes hawt and shoots men down occasionally. I have former friends sometimes inquiring if Im "happily" married. Its part of life. Its oversharing if you are trying to make the other insecure
SJS Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 The only times I told my husband were when it was his friends from work, because I thought he should know what type of people they were. The other times, not like there's been a whole lot, I took care of it on my own. The only time he told me someone else asked him out was very early in our relationship.
mightycpa Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Look if you are a true person not only to you but your partner you need to stop that person in their tracks. You have the choice to make and should act accordingly. Make sure this person knows this isn't acceptable. That's a strange thing to say. It's likely the guy didn't even know about her boyfriend, so of course it's acceptable that he asked. She gave him the old "I'm already seeing somebody" so that's the end of that. What else should would you have her do? Anyway, it's not like she's married or even engaged. She's a little less than completely available, but she's not been snatched up yet, so those are the exact kind of women that men are supposed to ask out. OP, if I were you, I'd probably ask your BF if he wants to know every time, or just the ones where you accept the invitation.
mercy Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 OP, if I were you, I'd probably ask your BF if he wants to know every time, or just the ones where you accept the invitation. *snort* Thanks for the great laugh!
Miss Peach Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I am one to prefer oversharing to under sharing. I'm a believer that secrets can cause someone to feel betrayed, cause trust issues, etc. I also just prefer a relationship with lots of very open communication. I've been on the other side of the under sharing a few times. It can take a long time to earn back trust. Some relationships I didn't even want to attempt it. A good chunk of guys who hit on me are likely to run into my BF just due to the nature we socialize in a lot of the same circles so I don't feel there's anything wrong with him knowing to I'm keeping an eye on out of respect for him and know it's not a big deal.
Author rushed Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Thanks for the replies, everyone. I let my boyfriend know shortly after it happened. I'd rather err on the side of caution. Then I asked him if he wanted to hear about when these things happen or if he'd rather not. He said I could tell him about it. So I got my answer and everything is all good. 1
avvril3000 Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Personally, my bf (and ex boyfriends) kinda liked to know when other guys were hitting on me. Partially for them to know and the trust between us, and partially coz they liked the fact that other guys also found me desirable. I guess if i ever put myself in a situation where i was unsafe or vulnerable or my trust was flakey, they would be super bad. but i always gave them the full story and i was also true to my words so they never had a reason to be jealous or worried
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