Fishforbreakfast Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Sometimes when I think and realise I will most likely never see my ex in my life again I get physically sick and have a panic attack. We broke up over 6 months ago and I struggled so bad until a few weeks ago when I went on antidepressants I haven't been crying every day anymore but i feel like it's still bubbling under the surface. I loved him so much I don't think I'll ever find anyone I feel like that about again sometimes the thought of not being on here feels like a relief. Everyday when I mark a day of the calender I get depressed when I realise how much I'm ageing so fast for nothing and no one
M3ll0 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Hi First off I just want to say that I hope you are okay, although I physically don't know you, I am also going through a break up as well and I know it sucks. Do you mind if I ask what happened and are you in NC at the current moment?
CrushingHope Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I understand your pain very well. It's the worst feeling I've ever experienced and although everyone says it will get better, when I hit the 6 month mark (it's been 7 1/2 now), I felt like it was really never going to end. It's still crushing me...but I have been through heartache before and it does go away at some point... stay strong and be kind to yourself in your hurt.
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 Hi First off I just want to say that I hope you are okay, although I physically don't know you, I am also going through a break up as well and I know it sucks. Do you mind if I ask what happened and are you in NC at the current moment? Hi I'm sorry to hear that for you, I hope that you are doing ok. Basically he thinks that I cheated on him and so he hates me and the thing that makes it so hard for me is that I never even came close to cheating and would of never because I absolutely adored him so I feel like it's such a waste it ended for nothing. We are in no contact, we haven't been in contact for ages, I deleted all my social media. it just feels so wrong and it ended so abruptly it has really affected me more then any other break up before
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 I understand your pain very well. It's the worst feeling I've ever experienced and although everyone says it will get better, when I hit the 6 month mark (it's been 7 1/2 now), I felt like it was really never going to end. It's still crushing me...but I have been through heartache before and it does go away at some point... stay strong and be kind to yourself in your hurt. Thanks that really is reassuring to hear that it will eventually hopefully go away... one way I try to comfort myself is keep saying if it's meant to be it would of been
Justyaaveraggurl Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 I definitely know what its like for a relationship you thought would last a lifetime to end. I am convinced that many times it feels like a death and what we experience is comparable to the grief we feel when a loved ones dies. It is true that it will get better, but the time it takes is different for every person. As human beings we have built in us the trait of adaptability. We are able to find away to adapt to some of the most difficult situations. So for that sake alone it will get better. You mentioned that you have had relationships end before but this feels different. I imagine it's difficult knowing that it is ending with him thinking this horrible thing about you and there being nothing you can do to change it. That makes closure hard. You are right if it's meant to be it will be. And if it's meant for him to find out the truth he will find that out also. Take comfort in your innocence, and pride in the loyalty you had in the relationship whether he see's it not. If he refuse to believe you then maybe he never really saw you for who you are in the first place. I won't say Focus on the future right now. When we are grieving it's hard to see a bright future. So just keep focusing on one day at a time. And definitely include self-care. Get a pet if don't have one, that will occupy your time and give you something to focus your attention and affection. Volunteering helps also. Nothing seems to bring healing to a hurting heart faster than when we are helping others get over there's.
Redhead14 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Sometimes when I think and realise I will most likely never see my ex in my life again I get physically sick and have a panic attack. We broke up over 6 months ago and I struggled so bad until a few weeks ago when I went on antidepressants I haven't been crying every day anymore but i feel like it's still bubbling under the surface. I loved him so much I don't think I'll ever find anyone I feel like that about again sometimes the thought of not being on here feels like a relief. Everyday when I mark a day of the calender I get depressed when I realise how much I'm ageing so fast for nothing and no one I'm sorry you're still struggling and it's good to give yourself some time to grieve, etc. However, there comes a point, especially if you're experiencing physical distress after so long, that you simply need to get tough with yourself and not assume a "victim mentality". Accept that this is out of your control and that you've come a long way now. You're giving him too much power over you in an indirect way. I suspect you'd kinda lost yourself in that relationship and it's time to start really focusing on you and your life as a single, independent, secure person again. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and get really, really busy. When you find yourself stressing over all this, give yourself a time limit to think and grieve over it and at the end of that time, say half an hour, you FORCE yourself to turn your focus to something else. Anything else. And, keep doing this until it becomes unnecessary. 1
avvril3000 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 you did the right thing. he isn't someone you want as a partner. period. you will hurt for a while and then move on and find someone better.
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 I definitely know what its like for a relationship you thought would last a lifetime to end. I am convinced that many times it feels like a death and what we experience is comparable to the grief we feel when a loved ones dies. It is true that it will get better, but the time it takes is different for every person. As human beings we have built in us the trait of adaptability. We are able to find away to adapt to some of the most difficult situations. So for that sake alone it will get better. You mentioned that you have had relationships end before but this feels different. I imagine it's difficult knowing that it is ending with him thinking this horrible thing about you and there being nothing you can do to change it. That makes closure hard. You are right if it's meant to be it will be. And if it's meant for him to find out the truth he will find that out also. Take comfort in your innocence, and pride in the loyalty you had in the relationship whether he see's it not. If he refuse to believe you then maybe he never really saw you for who you are in the first place. I won't say Focus on the future right now. When we are grieving it's hard to see a bright future. So just keep focusing on one day at a time. And definitely include self-care. Get a pet if don't have one, that will occupy your time and give you something to focus your attention and affection. Volunteering helps also. Nothing seems to bring healing to a hurting heart faster than when we are helping others get over there's. Thankyou for your kind response. I have two pets luckily they have really helped me through it, talking to my pets I have to do it in a happy voice and in turn I think that helps to put me in a happier mood for the day. I have also done some volunteering delivering food to old people. I will keep at it and continue to take one day at a time! 1
Author Fishforbreakfast Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 I'm sorry you're still struggling and it's good to give yourself some time to grieve, etc. However, there comes a point, especially if you're experiencing physical distress after so long, that you simply need to get tough with yourself and not assume a "victim mentality". Accept that this is out of your control and that you've come a long way now. You're giving him too much power over you in an indirect way. I suspect you'd kinda lost yourself in that relationship and it's time to start really focusing on you and your life as a single, independent, secure person again. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and get really, really busy. When you find yourself stressing over all this, give yourself a time limit to think and grieve over it and at the end of that time, say half an hour, you FORCE yourself to turn your focus to something else. Anything else. And, keep doing this until it becomes unnecessary. Thanks this is very true! I feel like each day I'm slowly getting better then it's a catch 22 because I feel like each day I'm getting further away from him, but he wasn't good for me so I guess ultimately that is a good thing!
basil67 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Fish, can you tell us more about the relationship? No relationship or person is perfect, so tell us the good and the bad. Tell us what was wonderful and what was frustrating.
FailedFirstLove Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I miss my ex so much too and it's only been 2 weeks NC.... We got a dog together and he has left him with me to take care of me. The dog means the world to him and me. So he's kept me going as well. Animals help so much. I'm telling myself to stay strong for him and look after him the best I can. Since he doesn't have a dad anymore
divegrl Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I've read your story and I'm so sorry for your pain. Break ups can be so hurtful. Just wanted to say that you are not alone. Hugs my friend!!!!
marky00 Posted July 5, 2017 Posted July 5, 2017 From my experience, anti-depressants do not help with breakup pain. In fact, I'd say they make it worse. I tried them myself, and I do think they made me worse. With breakups, you have to work through the pain, you have to think those thoughts, u have to have that internal struggle. It's all part of letting go. When your heartbroken, its a real physical symptom. Due to stress, your body slows your heart rate down, which is what starts to make you feel tight around your chest. I think anti-depressants can play some role but I would say not to use them for first 6 months to 12 months or so. That way, you have at least worked though the natural healing process and then just use the anti-depressants to restore your chemical imbalance that no doubt happens during all that ruminating post break-up.
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