wmacbride Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Again all I was trying to say was he's there and it's difficult to give up. You were able to function before he arrived on the scene, and this will continue after he is gone. You are not less of a person , less capable etc. without him. Yes, it's nice to have a cheering section, but you have strength on your own. 2
TurningTables Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) (((Sunshine))) I see that you are struggling with your decision on what to do. If you haven't already, try to find a good IC to talk to. They can help you in a healthy way exit the A and move on with your life if that is what you want. A good IC will also do what's best for you if you want to stay and will help you through that as well. The decision is yours and yours only. Only you know what you can and cannot do. Much love sweetie. I am sorry for your pain. Edited June 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator response to deleted post ~T 1
William Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Folks, after deleting almost half the posts in this one due to a report I'll direct everyone back to the original post and note that it asks "Does your AP "show up". It does not ask about personal views on infidelity and those comments should be reserved for a thread where that is the topic..... there are plenty. ~T
QuestioningSoul Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 You know, generally decent people do show up. Tonight I helped a friend move. Saturday a group of us met another friend who had a death in her family. I've hosted birthday parties and slept on the floor beside both a friend who lost her father, and my father in law when he moved in with us while very sick. I've talked to friends at 3am who were in the middle of breakups and held them when they sobbed. No, I'm not claiming to be great. I'm claiming to be normal. Unless a person is extremely cold hearted, it's normal to show up. Unless you know a man is just out to get laid and then drops you til the next time, I'd say it's a normal human emotion to be there for someone you have any type of relationship with, if it's a positive one. You still deserve to have 100% of a relationship though. Don't settle for something less than 100% just because you get some moments when he shows up. Most people would. Demand more of yourself and find a man that can show up out in the open. That generally is not another woman's husband.... Find a single man who can give you all of himself. 3
Author Chica80 Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 We had a conversation tonight. Same back and forth of stopping setting better boundaries....etc. I said we've had this conversation many many times. And nothing changes. I've said it you said it but we end up in the same place. And finally I just came to a place the truth is I don't want to stop. If I did we would have a long time ago. I only see two ways out one of us has to get another job move away not see eachother or we get caught. I don't see another way. I don't think it will end until that happens.
BTDT2012 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 We had a conversation tonight. Same back and forth of stopping setting better boundaries....etc. I said we've had this conversation many many times. And nothing changes. I've said it you said it but we end up in the same place. And finally I just came to a place the truth is I don't want to stop. If I did we would have a long time ago. I only see two ways out one of us has to get another job move away not see eachother or we get caught. I don't see another way. I don't think it will end until that happens. Please figure out why you are willing to accept this.
cocorico Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 From the second the A began he showed up. He was there for everything and I was for him as well. We have been m for some years and things simply have not changed. We are there for one another. We are present in our relationship. All A's are not the same. I love him and am happier than I have ever been. I don't know what I would do without him. Same here. Showed up throughout, for both big and small. Still does. And I do for him, too. 2
Jemima1234 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 We had a conversation tonight. Same back and forth of stopping setting better boundaries....etc. I said we've had this conversation many many times. And nothing changes. I've said it you said it but we end up in the same place. And finally I just came to a place the truth is I don't want to stop. If I did we would have a long time ago. I only see two ways out one of us has to get another job move away not see eachother or we get caught. I don't see another way. I don't think it will end until that happens. Does he admit he doesn't want to stop?
Author Chica80 Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 Does he admit he doesn't want to stop? "I'm a bad person this is not who I want to be. You deserve better...." So I would say that says he wants to stop.
Poppy47 Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 xMM always showed up. He was a great support during my darkest days after my husband died and my whole life was changed. He was always kind and caring and for the cynics out there, we are senior citizens, so I can tell you it was not about sex. He wasn't an evil monster who pretended to listen because he wanted to bed me. Good luck Sunshine, Poppy.xxx 3
beatcuff Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 its always interesting reading the responses in which persons project their idea of a relationship onto to others. but its not their relationship rather it's their IDEAL relationship. you get the distinct impression they are 'pulling you down' to feel better about their situation: 'crumbs'. the other day my group of married couples had a discussion about sleeping --- some 'spooned' some had pillow walls and others slept in other rooms. the main reason for the latter two were a better night sleep: the separate rooms was due to snoring. so why is it hard to grasp that certain relationships do not need 'constant contact'. OP it appears you are comfortable having lots of 'me time' in fact we all do. sometimes its not so obvious: going fishing/golfing with the guys. those 6 hours are really 'me time'. i think the important element is when you needed him he was there. i agree missing that will be tough. 3
LostHisWay Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Not all A are cut from the same cloth, regardless of what people think. Yes, I'm sure there are plenty of jerks out there that use the AP for sex and future fake with no intentions of having any "future". But only those in the actual A can truly answer that question (although many on here would love to tell you otherwise lol). I truly care for my AP and his wellbeing and I have supported him through many things (professionally, physically, emotionally) over the past three years, as he has for me. And while our A is highly sexually charged, underneath it all we are great friends and he's the first to wish me luck on something big at work, wish me well during sickness or surgeries and I can say I've never once felt "used" by him. He makes time for me, never cancels and if I need him or I need to talk- he has proven time and time again that he will be there for me. If our A ever ended (and it's come close seeing we've had 2 DD ... with one 31 day NC episode before we pushed it underground) I would truly miss HIM... now yes, I would certainly miss the sex, but I would miss him more. He's just become an important part of my life and his friendship is just as important as any of my other close friends. So I'm sure I will hear several folks tell me I'm delusional or disordered- and that's ok. Only I know how I feel I'm still fairly new to this forum, so don't know all the lingo despite figuring some of it out on my own. What's DD? And the 31-day no contact episode? How'd that go. Sorry to sidetrack. Curious about your tale.
Southwardbound Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Please figure out why you are willing to accept this. My situation also, I can't see how this will stop, and I don't want it too, either. I'm willing to accept it for now.... due to both our family circumstances. But, those will definitely change in 3 years for both of us. Or, they could change sooner, if MM changes jobs. 1
Babsinhealing Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 (edited) I'm still fairly new to this forum, so don't know all the lingo despite figuring some of it out on my own. What's DD? And the 31-day no contact episode? How'd that go. Sorry to sidetrack. Curious about your tale. Hi Losthisway- the acronyms do take some time to decipher but you will get them the more you read. DD is "discovery day"... for me it's when his wife found our texts and discovered he was having an A. My story is well documented on these threads as this was the first place I went to when I felt I needed to "talk" to others who could understand what I was going through. My A was a secret so I didn't have anyone to confide in when everything blew up. I chose to go NC because I thought my AP (affair partner) wanted to reconcile with his wife and I didn't want to interfere. So I ended it and went NC. But he reached out 31 days in we ended up resuming the Affair. To be honest, I never wanted it to end. I just did it for him so he could be happy. It's been well over a year now since DD and still in the Affair. It works for us- we are happy with no plans to stop. To be honest I stopped posting for quite some time because people got really mean with their comments and it really started to stress me more than help. I came here for support but felt I was a judged for my decisions. Now only occasionally I will post and I just ignore those that try to criticize or insult. What is your story? Edited June 11, 2017 by Babsinhealing 3
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