happycookie Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 We have been together since this year in January. She’s my first ever girlfriend. In the beginning we loved each other so much. But now she started to change and she said she doesn’t feel the same for me like before and wants to take a one week break. I still love her and I don’t want to lose her. She says it's not my fault, she says it's just her feelings that have changed. She still says that she loves me but maybe not like before. I don't know why and she doesn't know why too. When we started to date we used to spend all the time together. We talked about so many things and had the same opinion on almost everything. We used to call almost everyday but couldn't anymore because we became mostly busy with school and she was tired after school. Later like somwhere in May, she started to change. We didn't know what to talk about, she was sometimes cold to me and saying she is always cold but I see when she talks to her friends she isn't really cold. She has been spending a lot of time with me and did not really had enough time to spend with her friends.. could it be why she got tired of me? She never said that shes tired of me though. Also I thought it could be because she is taking medicines for her depression, but she said it is not because of that. I don't really know anymore.. it is like everything is happening without a reason. And no I don't think she would ever cheat. The only guy she talks to is me, she also said if we break up she would never date anyone. I won't too, I promised her that She has changed a lot and talks to me cold often. I don't know what I can or should do right now. I am really hurt and depressed. We will talk on 12 june again. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much and how are we supposed to come out with a solution if everything is like happening without a reason? Or is there a reason that we don't know? Or she doesn't know? I want to be a better boyfriend and keep her by my side. I only want her. Right now I'm so hurt and I don't know what to do.
act00 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 It's normal for a relationship to fade and even part ways at this stage. It always starts off hot and new and exciting. You can't get enough of each other. You're getting to know each other. Then things start to settle back to reality. Things start to get real. Everyone has been on their best behavior. You don't talk as much or spend as much time together. Work/school takes priority. You miss going out with your friends. You may realize that this person you are with really isn't what they seemed in the beginning, and your personalities don't mesh. The relationship may end at this point, and not necessarily mutually. One person realizes it's just not for them after all. This is why it's important not to toss out "love" right away. It's easy to feel in love in the beginning. It could be this relationship is coming to an end. "Taking a break" is not a good sign. Maybe it will work out, maybe not. Don't expect the high level of spending time/talking like before. It's exhausting. If you can't meet in the middle, it may just be you're not made for each other and it's time to move on. She may be determining it's time to move on. There's nothing you can do about it. Sorry.
Zip Silver Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Sorry to be blunt but you should prepare yourself for a breakup. Her feelings have changed, she no longer wants to be with you. But rather than be an adult about it, she's putting you through a week of stress and anxiety hoping you'll get the message it's over. The mature thing to do would have been to end it and save you this heartache so you can begin to move on, she sounds very young. Especially those comments about never being with anyone else... we all say silly romantic things in the heat of the moment but I hope that's what you took that for, rather than an actual declaration. You'll hurt for a while, and then you'll start to feel better, and eventually be ready to meet somebody new. Lots of relationships end around the six month mark, it's a real danger zone, most everyone I know including myself has had a seemingly lovely relationship end abruptly at six months. It's because the initial rush of infatuation has worn off. Doesn't mean you did anything wrong, just that the novelty wore away and she no longer sees you as a boyfriend that's right for her. We've all been where you are, it's spectacularly painful but a rite of passage you will get through and be stronger for it. If you read around the board you'll find people who were dumped by a spouse of twenty years and managed to move on and find happiness again. I don't say this to dismiss or minimise your pain but to show you you're not alone, you can and will survive this and it's going to be okay. There are things you can do to speed up the process of healing, such as going no contact with her once you've officially broken up. I'm sorry you're going through this but it's gonna be okay. You deserve someone who thinks you're fab. My ex did this awful limbo thing to me last year for a week, he went away to 'think' about us but promised to stay in touch. By day three when I hadn't heard a word from him I knew that meant we were over and acted accordingly by getting my things together and finding somewhere new to live. You don't have to sit there with zero power you know, find your strength contact her and tell her it was great while it lasted but clearly isn't working and you wish her well for the future. It may help you to move on taking back some control instead of being passively left to stress while she takes her time away from you, it's just cruel and not how adults solve relationship issues. Keep posting we're here for you. 1
lurker74 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Zip pretty much said everything. Read it...then read it again. Then go read the various posts about No Contact, because that's what you should start now. You won't believe that...right now you are in denial because you want to keep the relationship but you are being back burnered and the only thing worse than her not coming back to you would be her coming back to you because then you are more invested in the relationship than she is and no healthy relationship can last when one side is permanently more heavily invested than the other. 1
preraph Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I'm sorry, but it sounds like she's just lost feelings for you and that this is her way to see how she feels after a break before she breaks up with you.
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 How old are you? If you are still in HS which is how your post reads, this may not be fatal. Your GF may simply be overwhelmed with finals. If you are out of HS, this is a harbinger of doom. The reason this sounds like young love to me is the pace: you have only known her since January & you are talking about "love". That is very fast. Needing a break 6 months in is problematic because everything should still be peaches & cream at this early stage. Then again HS romance starts strong & intense but burns itself out just as quickly. There probably isn't enough balance in here if she's spending all her free time with you & not enough time with her friends. If she's depressed on top of that she probably feels smothered by the too much time you two spend together. If you she does come back, you will have to power down. At least 1 weeknight & 1 weekend night should be set aside for her friends & you probably should only talk every other day. It's unrealistic to think that neither of you will date anyone else if you break up. Even people who end marriages go on to have other relationships.
kendahke Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Be prepared for one week turning into two, then three, then a month... There is no such thing as a break. Nothing flourishes through neglect. You're either together working on things or you've broken up and aren't.
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