turokturok5 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) I had this friend I played social basketball with, we had no contact outside of our weekly games but she always seemed very friendly/touchy towards me and would always compliment me. At the end of the season we all went out together and she invited me back to her place. We basically just cuddled and talked most of the night - I didn't escalate to anything physical because I was drunk, she was sober and I was just enjoying the moment and getting to know more about her. She offered to drive me home in the morning and we talked the whole way. I told her I had a good time and was going to kiss her goodbye but she kind of turned her head so we just ended up hugging. I really enjoyed her company and figured that because we were happy to just lay in bed for hours talking and cuddling, that we had some kind of connection and would just catch up again when I was sober. I sent her a friendly message the next day about some movie we were watching and she eventually replied (like 12 hours later), when I replied back though she ignored it and hasn't spoken to me since (2 days ago). Does it sound like she just wanted something physical from me? I mean when we would interact at our basketball games she would always compliment me on my body and touch me subtly. I just feel really bummed out right now because I was starting to genuinely like her. If she was interested she would message me back right? Edit: Also I don't believe she isn't replying because she is "too busy". Her facebook activity is all over my news feed :/ Edited June 6, 2017 by turokturok5
Grey40 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) I would say yes definitley. That was extremely bold of her to invite you back to her place like that, usually that is a total green light for you to escalate. I do think girls lose interest if they were hoping/expecting you to make a move and you don't. It's almost like you rejected her. The window is usually very small and short with that kind of thing. I think she wrote you off as either friend zone or as someone who is afraid to take charge. Being passive in a situation so obvious is really unattractive to women. She was in the moment and you kind of just let her down. You never know though, not all women care about that, but the women who don't want to escatale quickly aren't going to invite youcback to their place one on one without having more of a connection first. I think she wanted a one night thing and you didn't make it happen. I've been there before, it sucks to know you messed up, but you learn from experience. How come you didn't make a move? Did you try and she rejected? You were both in bed cuddling together I mean, how much more of a clear sign do you need? The only thing you can do now is just back off totally. Wait until you see her in person at a basketball game again, and just act like nothing happened and take it from there. Sometimes when a girl is interested or likes you enough, they'll give you one more chance to make it happen.no guarantees but if you get the chance again don't strike out. Edited June 6, 2017 by Grey40 3
Mrin Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Yes. Guy here. Blue labia is a real thing in my experience. It isn't so much like blue balls but more a sense of rejection and for many women rejection when they are just laying it out there for you to take hurts really badly. If you find yourself in that situation again say something like "hey, I would so love to escalate this right now but you seem like an amazing woman and I don't really want to sully this moment by acting like a drunken idiot who is only out to get some sex" Problem solved. You've praised her and she feels honored and accepted. Elevated even. And she can decide whether to sit with that or escalate things herself.
Grey40 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) Yes. Guy here. Blue labia is a real thing in my experience. It isn't so much like blue balls but more a sense of rejection and for many women rejection when they are just laying it out there for you to take hurts really badly. If you find yourself in that situation again say something like "hey, I would so love to escalate this right now but you seem like an amazing woman and I don't really want to sully this moment by acting like a drunken idiot who is only out to get some sex" Problem solved. You've praised her and she feels honored and accepted. Elevated even. And she can decide whether to sit with that or escalate things herself. I wouldn't recommend saying that. That's even worse. Just be the man and take charge. She invited you back to her place and was lying in bed with you, you really have nothing to lose at that point. It's also really helpful to keep you emotions at bay in the beginning and don't fall for her so easily. Don't be thinking about a future with this girl in that moment--it's just going to make you hesitate and that's exactly what happened. Think less, act more Edited June 6, 2017 by Grey40
Author turokturok5 Posted June 6, 2017 Author Posted June 6, 2017 (edited) Hi guys, thanks for the replies. I decided to message her again, figured I had nothing to lose. Just got straight to the point and asked her out. She said that she was busy studying (I figure since she didn't give me a specific time frame she's just blowing me off). She ended up responding to that previous message I sent. I was contemplating not replying and ignoring her but i'm not petty, basically just said it was no problem and wished her luck with her study. I feel a lot better after sending this message because I had nothing to lose but everything to gain. If she actually means she wants to hang out after shes done studying I guess she'll hit me up Edited June 6, 2017 by turokturok5
mikeylo Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Maybe just wanted a ONS or FWB thing. If you dont want either of them, let go.
soyou Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 You blew your chance. The chance of her going out with you again is very very small. Well, unless she doesnt have any other guy lining up, or you're extremely good looking. I'm a woman and if I invite a guy to my house, he doesnt make any sexual advance. It's the end of everything. In my reasoning, this guy can be 1) sexually impotent and insecure => doesnt dare to make any move 2) he's not interested in me. Either way, it is a NO-GO for me to proceed. If a guy misses out this door, he would never be able to get in again. The chance of getting in again is 1%
thefooloftheyear Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Who knows what she was thinking?? But not in my experience....If a woman really likes you, she won't give up on you if you didn't take her down there...If she did, then id say that there was something wrong with her....unless she just wanted sex and nothing more.. But you probably blew a chance at an easy lay.. TFY 1
GunslingerRoland Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Women rightly or wrongly are used to be looked at as sexual objects from a pretty young age. They know boys/men want to have sex with them. So when they meet one they like, and that man doesn't seem to want to have sex with them. Yeah it's pretty deflating.
kendahke Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 I think the being drunk did more to douse her interest than you not having sex with her. 2
preraph Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 She may have started out willing to have sex, but she turned down a mouth kiss from you later, so she apparently changed her mind over something. 1
Maggie4 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Maybe she's feeling embarrassed? That's not the same as losing interest.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Nope. She finally had some alone time with you, and she realized there is no real attraction. I have been in her shoes when I admired a guy from afar, but when we were alone, he was not what I had imagined. I found him sappy and boring...not my personality type. 2
Miss Peach Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 For me it would depend on what I wanted from you. If I was looking to get laid then I probably would lose interest. Or if I got bored. If I was interested in a guy who seemed like BF material than I wouldn't lose interest - especially if there was some physical escalation like kissing so I knew he looked at me as more than a friend.
Grey40 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Hi guys, thanks for the replies. I decided to message her again, figured I had nothing to lose. Just got straight to the point and asked her out. She said that she was busy studying (I figure since she didn't give me a specific time frame she's just blowing me off). She ended up responding to that previous message I sent. I was contemplating not replying and ignoring her but i'm not petty, basically just said it was no problem and wished her luck with her study. I feel a lot better after sending this message because I had nothing to lose but everything to gain. If she actually means she wants to hang out after shes done studying I guess she'll hit me up Yeah don't send her any more messages at all. Busy or not, she's not making time for you. If she wanted to see you she would offer another day or sound more enthused about you wanting to meet. "I'm busy studying" is the oldest trick/excuse in the book, and even if it's true, no one uses that as an excuse not to meet up. This is a blown opportunity, it happens to all of us. Learn from it and make a move when given a similar situation again. Honestly, in my experience you have more to lose if you hesitate or "respect" the woman than going for it. If she isn't comfortable with you making sexual advances she'll let you know by denying you or telling you straight up. If you don't make a move you either turn her off and are left thinking whether she likes you. those who hesitate.... you know the saying. There is nothing wrong with going for what you want..if she says no or tries to stop you, then respect her space and wishes but until she makes that clear it's best to be direct and show your intentions
Author turokturok5 Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 Yeah don't send her any more messages at all. Busy or not, she's not making time for you. If she wanted to see you she would offer another day or sound more enthused about you wanting to meet. "I'm busy studying" is the oldest trick/excuse in the book, and even if it's true, no one uses that as an excuse not to meet up. This is a blown opportunity, it happens to all of us. Learn from it and make a move when given a similar situation again. Honestly, in my experience you have more to lose if you hesitate or "respect" the woman than going for it. If she isn't comfortable with you making sexual advances she'll let you know by denying you or telling you straight up. If you don't make a move you either turn her off and are left thinking whether she likes you. those who hesitate.... you know the saying. There is nothing wrong with going for what you want..if she says no or tries to stop you, then respect her space and wishes but until she makes that clear it's best to be direct and show your intentions Thanks for your reply again. In hindsight, I didn't make a move on her because to be honest, at the time it wasn't really what I wanted. I haven't slept with anyone for almost 2 years because I keep to myself and don't put myself out there. It was convenient that this girl threw herself at me with little to no effort on my part. I didn't want to sleep with her for the first time when I was drunk and tired, hence why I was comfortable just cuddling and chatting. I don't regret not having sex with her, I do regret not at least trying to kiss her though to let her know I was interested. I'm just feeling awful now. I'm not sure if it's because I genuinely have feelings for this girl, or if it's just because I haven't really had this much of a physical connection with a girl for a while. I know I really need to move on, but I can't stop obsessing over it. I keep kicking myself and thinking about what could have been. I know deep down it isn't healthy and that if by some miracle, she does follow through when she said we could catch up after exams i'll be screwed because i'm already too emotionally invested. 1
The Urbanyst Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 You blew your chance. The chance of her going out with you again is very very small. Well, unless she doesnt have any other guy lining up, or you're extremely good looking. I'm a woman and if I invite a guy to my house, he doesnt make any sexual advance. It's the end of everything. In my reasoning, this guy can be 1) sexually impotent and insecure => doesnt dare to make any move 2) he's not interested in me. Either way, it is a NO-GO for me to proceed. If a guy misses out this door, he would never be able to get in again. The chance of getting in again is 1% Absurd! Funny how men are called pigs and dogs when they act in the same way. Watch any guy talk about how he lost interest because a woman would not sleep with him right away and the pitch forks come out. Whats with this double standard? Anyway, I love sex, but I don't like sexually aggressive women. Comes off slutty and I worry about STD's. I like to initiate the sex and have the woman submit.
caitlinf33 Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Woman here and pretty sure she would have only invited you back if she wanted something physical from you. You said you were drunk and she was sober. Is it possible you did or said something that might have turned her off? This is the only likely explanation I can think of. I'm currently seeing someone (for like two months) and we've shared a kiss and nothing more. It's becoming incredibly frustrating and as a PP points out I'm at the point of either think he has some serious insecurity issues or just doesn't feel that way about me - why else wouldn't he make a move. I am putting up with it because I like him but clock is ticking. If she liked you, think she would give you another chance. Good luck!
thefooloftheyear Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Woman here and pretty sure she would have only invited you back if she wanted something physical from you. You said you were drunk and she was sober. Is it possible you did or said something that might have turned her off? This is the only likely explanation I can think of. I'm currently seeing someone (for like two months) and we've shared a kiss and nothing more. It's becoming incredibly frustrating and as a PP points out I'm at the point of either think he has some serious insecurity issues or just doesn't feel that way about me - why else wouldn't he make a move. I am putting up with it because I like him but clock is ticking. If she liked you, think she would give you another chance. Good luck! Why don't you "make a move"?? TFY
healing light Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Also a woman--if she was really into you, I do not think that you blew your shot. Many women will give as second chance to a man that they like, especially if you cuddled all night. I am inclined to believe that she either didn't know quite what she wanted and/or something was said or done in that time that made her change her mind and decline a kiss. Even if it was as simple as morning breath. I wouldn't overthink this--at least you asked her out so there are no "what ifs." I don't think it had a lot to do with not laying a move on her. I think that was the respectable thing to do if you were drunk.
FastHands Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 If she had reason to be into yes then I think you can get more chances. In this case probably not. Pretty much was the moment and she kinda didn't help move things- she has blame too. The way too look at this is you had the moment and nothing happened. She's thinking emotionally let down. Maybe you'll get friend zoned or you don't exist in my world zone.
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