Bluelilly Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 Dear Community, I hope you can give me some advice! Please excuse my mistakes, English isn´t my mother tongue but this forum seems to be much busier than the ones I found in my mother tongue. Due to my experiences I have quite a lot of trouble to trust people, especially men. I met a very nice man 2 years ago, but as he was in a relationship we became only friends. (We are in the same club.) He split up with his girlfriend in end of last year. After that, our contact got closer and we even went on a short holiday together. That was when I fell in love with him... Meanwhile, our relationship is so close that several friends already had the suspicion that we are a couple. I believed that he doesn´t show his affection when we are with our friends. But: a close friend of both of us told me last week, that he thinks we are a perfect match and that it wouldn´t be a surprise at all if we tell him that we are a couple. When I was quite surprised he said: “You don’t need eyes to see that you two like each other a lot...” On the one side, he does many things I wouldn´t expect from a "buddy-friend". We often talk on the telephone, which usually takes a few hoursHe tells me a lot, even sensitive issues like health issues He wants to hear my advice and opinion for important decisionsHe loved the fact that some persons in our club thought we are a couple, he talked about that like this: “This was sooo cute, “name of person” thought we were a couple...” Last week, he invited me to go to a concert together with him and two of his friends (who are a couple, by the way) He takes care of me and supports me. Once he said that he will always be there for me... He plans another holiday with meThere were some situations when I was quite sure he didn´t want me to leave as the “short goodbye” took about 40 minutes last week... But there is another side that confuses me and makes me sometimes very sad... He didn´t invite me to a real date yetHe never tried to kiss me or to touch me more intimate (although he touches my hands, nudges my shoulder or embraces me)When I ask him to do something he sometimes said yes, sometimes no. Like yesterday, when I proposed to meet today. He said: “Hmm, I think I´ll meet with some other friends tomorrow... Let´s do this spontaneously...”I tried to flirt (like proposing a neck massage when he complained about neck ache) but he didn´t really react...When he was seriously ill with an injury and unable to take part in the weekly club evening I told him, that I don´t like the club evenings without him. Same here, he only said that it simply isn´t possible at the moment... We met yesterday (together with friends). Of course, he was nice, friendly but he wasn´t as affectionate as he is on the telephone or when we are alone... I´m incredibly shy when it comes to things of love...so I think, I didn´t really show him how much I like him. To be honest, I actually used to panic when a man tried to flirt... He is the first one I´m not scared of... The only flirty things I did so far was to stroke his arm once, to talk as affectionate as he does and to ask him for meetings a few times. I´m so horribly unsure if he likes me as a friend or if he wants me to be his girlfriend... How can I find out? Just ask him? If so, how can I do that? Do you think it´s normal that he doesn´t show his feelings that obviously in presence of our friends? I know him, but I´m not sure if he is maybe like me: usually quite sociable but shy in love topics... Thank you so much for reading the long text and your replies! Yours, Bluelilly
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 It sounds like he truly values your friendship but I don't see him wanting a relationship with you. Sorry. Do not go on more holidays with him.
starrynight4321 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Don't continue this or you're going to end up in a friends with benefits situation. If he was interested, he would have asked you out. He just wants to be friends. 1
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