2005tahoe Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 I started dating this lady a couple of weeks ago. Everything is going great, cooked out for memorial day at my moms house and then at her parents house. Both families love us together. She is known to be the clingy type which I am ok with to an extent. Yesterday was what would have been my fathers 73rd birthday (he passed away). So, I plan a day trip for me and my mother to take her mind off of things. I keep minor contact with the GF during the day so she doesn't feel ignored. She sends me a text later on in the day "wanna come over later?" I said ok, let me see what time we get back from our trip. So, its about 4:00 in the afternoon and I text her that I am on the way to see her. She immediately calls me saying that she didn't expect me that early and that she was taking a nap before church. I said I thought that you wanted me to come by, but she was wanting me to spend the night with her. I told her that I couldn't, that I had things to do at my apartment too. Then she flips out, we haven't seen each other but for a few moments last week because she was dog sitting for her boss after work. I saw her that Wednesday night when she was at her second job for about an hour and Friday night I met her to give her some food from when me and mom went out. Fridays were my dads and moms date nights, since he has passed we just kept the tradition going. I met her to give her the food and said that I had to go to moms for a few minutes and then I was going home. She was still dogsitting for her boss. When I told her that her whole demeanor changed, like she was pissed about something. I let it go and told her that we would talk later after I got home. Well, she sends me a text saying that she would have went to my moms with me, I said it was pointless b/c I was only going to be there 5 minutes and I figured she had things to do as well. So, yesterday was the toughest day of the year for me, losing my dad and the girlfriend. Our schedules just haven't lined up to where we can see each other for no more than a few minutes. I take one day, an important day to spend with my mom and she gets upset. She has plans every night this week, which I don't have a problem with, I said we could meet one night after one of her scheduled things she was doing and she declined. I said we have Saturday date night, but said she may be out of town with her parents. She doesn't mind making plans but she fails to tell me if it interferes with dates. But I never get upset with her and her plans, I just ask her to let me know when we can go out again. She says that she cant date someone and just see them a few times a week and that she wants to see me more than we have. I agree with that, but our schedules have to line up. She didn't believe that and told me that she was "DONE" again. That was the last straw for me, I told her that the next time she said that to not call me back again. Well, she blew up my phone but I ignored. "I'm changing FB status, I'm telling mom ad dad, you need to tell your mom that her son screwed me over" bla bla bla I just don't get it, I have one day that I hurt the most, losing my dad and it was his birthday, to spend it with my mother. My schedule is usually open other than household chores and the gym. I made time for her and at first we saw each other more. But she wants me to stay with her 4-6 nights a week. Whats your opinion? I have went NC for now hoping she will see how she has acted. But yesterday was the hardest day of my life, I had to focus on my time with mom as she was grieving too.
Blanco Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 Dude, all of this in the first few weeks? Three times in a long-term relationship that spans years is already pushing it. The better question is why you don't to see the bold red flags being shoved in your face? 3
d0nnivain Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 She's insensitive & selfish. You haven't been seeing each other that long. She demands too much, gives no emotional support in return. You can do much better. I'm sorry about your dad. You are a good son for trying to comfort your mom on this very difficult day. 2
Author 2005tahoe Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 Thanks guys, It still hurts to know that someone you like can act that way. Its not easy, plus I get attached easily. Better now than later I guess 1
RustCohle Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Yes, better now than later. Be decisive. Move on. This is a huge red flag. If you decide to cling on, it will be a big mistake on your part that you will regret MORE later on. Don't even bother explaining yourself. Go radio silence and find a new woman. 1
Whodatdog Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 She's all about her, not your relationship. Better you know now, these things never get better.
Maldives Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I started dating this lady a couple of weeks ago. Everything is going great, cooked out for memorial day at my moms house and then at her parents house. Both families love us together. She is known to be the clingy type which I am ok with to an extent. Yesterday was what would have been my fathers 73rd birthday (he passed away). So, I plan a day trip for me and my mother to take her mind off of things. I keep minor contact with the GF during the day so she doesn't feel ignored. She sends me a text later on in the day "wanna come over later?" I said ok, let me see what time we get back from our trip. So, its about 4:00 in the afternoon and I text her that I am on the way to see her. She immediately calls me saying that she didn't expect me that early and that she was taking a nap before church. I said I thought that you wanted me to come by, but she was wanting me to spend the night with her. I told her that I couldn't, that I had things to do at my apartment too. Then she flips out, we haven't seen each other but for a few moments last week because she was dog sitting for her boss after work. I saw her that Wednesday night when she was at her second job for about an hour and Friday night I met her to give her some food from when me and mom went out. Fridays were my dads and moms date nights, since he has passed we just kept the tradition going. I met her to give her the food and said that I had to go to moms for a few minutes and then I was going home. She was still dogsitting for her boss. When I told her that her whole demeanor changed, like she was pissed about something. I let it go and told her that we would talk later after I got home. Well, she sends me a text saying that she would have went to my moms with me, I said it was pointless b/c I was only going to be there 5 minutes and I figured she had things to do as well. So, yesterday was the toughest day of the year for me, losing my dad and the girlfriend. Our schedules just haven't lined up to where we can see each other for no more than a few minutes. I take one day, an important day to spend with my mom and she gets upset. She has plans every night this week, which I don't have a problem with, I said we could meet one night after one of her scheduled things she was doing and she declined. I said we have Saturday date night, but said she may be out of town with her parents. She doesn't mind making plans but she fails to tell me if it interferes with dates. But I never get upset with her and her plans, I just ask her to let me know when we can go out again. She says that she cant date someone and just see them a few times a week and that she wants to see me more than we have. I agree with that, but our schedules have to line up. She didn't believe that and told me that she was "DONE" again. That was the last straw for me, I told her that the next time she said that to not call me back again. Well, she blew up my phone but I ignored. "I'm changing FB status, I'm telling mom ad dad, you need to tell your mom that her son screwed me over" bla bla bla I just don't get it, I have one day that I hurt the most, losing my dad and it was his birthday, to spend it with my mother. My schedule is usually open other than household chores and the gym. I made time for her and at first we saw each other more. But she wants me to stay with her 4-6 nights a week. Whats your opinion? I have went NC for now hoping she will see how she has acted. But yesterday was the hardest day of my life, I had to focus on my time with mom as she was grieving too. I see whats going on here shes feeling 2nd best not that u did anything wrong but if ur wanting the truth im betting its this. u mentioned she was clingy that would explain it and i would add shes a lil insecure, wth this type all u gotta do is make her feel like no 1 so take her along on that date night or show that ur at least trying to align ur schedules rather than saying why u cant.
Author 2005tahoe Posted June 7, 2017 Author Posted June 7, 2017 I see whats going on here shes feeling 2nd best not that u did anything wrong but if ur wanting the truth im betting its this. u mentioned she was clingy that would explain it and i would add shes a lil insecure, wth this type all u gotta do is make her feel like no 1 so take her along on that date night or show that ur at least trying to align ur schedules rather than saying why u cant. I have tried that, Sunday when I got back I told her that I was on the way to see her. She wanted me to spend the night but I had things to do before the week started. She told me that an hour or 2 wasn't enough time with me. She doesn't accept the fact that I am spending some time with her, then she gets mad b/c I don't spend the night
marky00 Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 (edited) I agree that she is a ME ME ME type of girl and you're probably better off without her but ..... you need to screw your head on right regarding your comment about schedules not lining up ??? WTF That's not how relationships work. Relationships are a combination of going with the flow and being decisive. Your carrying an anchor (various aspects of your life) that are killing off your spontaneity.... which is most likely why she is gone. If you can't or don't want to let go of those other things, then don't seek out relationships. Sure, you might find someone who is totally into you and hangs around like a puppy dog, hoping for openings in your schedule but then you will be on here saying how you had to dump her for being over-bearing and crowding your life. How old are you by the way? As one gets older, you learn how to strike a balance between being assertive with your life but being spontaneous as well. And before you reply saying it was because she was too busy as well. Not true. If you were being decisive and spontaneous without having to play Sherlock Holmes "lining up your schedules", she would have made the time to meet you for sure. Edited June 7, 2017 by marky00
Miss Peach Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 I think 1-2 times per week in the beginning is normal; 5-6 isn't. I usually do 3-5 times now but I'm at 9 months in now. She has a point if it's a long term issue as to why you can't gradually entwine your lives more and spend more time together (i.e., opposite work schedules). But it's too much to expect early on IMO. As you become more and more important to each other, you just naturally start spending more time and becoming more entwined in the other's lives tyically; not within weeks. I'm wondering about your age too. From the post it sounds like you both may be young and inexperienced.
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