shellybing Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 It has been a long road. I remember finding this forum (under a forgotten identity) to talk about my relationship because I had no clue what to do or where things were at. I had posted about not being taken out in public for 4 months, and how that made me feel. I had wondered online how I was supposed to be in an exclusive relationship with this guy, and he had yet to take me out in public, even to the grocery store. I had posted about going through his personal accounts, and gotten answers about how horrible I was for doing so. (I had good reason to believe there was cheating and dishonesty going on) I had posted about alot of things I had a problem with. I'll start at the beginning, but I will try to make it short. I am bad at dating. I married eary on right out of high school and stayed married for 10 years. I had two children, and seperated and divorced when I was 28. I am 33 now. It has been 5 years, and I had strted dating after 2, and this "guy" was the first relationionship I have had since my husband. I felt sort of bad going through his things and getting jealous. Some people think I have "trust" issues, but it wasn't that at all. I am a pretty rational person and so I decided to look and confirm feelings. I was right. He had been messaging all of his exes behind my back and had a hidden amateur porn account. I disliked that and brought it to his attention. I held that over his head for far too long, but the relationship persisted. I am not sure why even, because I think we both knew it was over then. (Even then I had found bobby pins and scratches on his back, so whatev's to the haters who call me bad for looking in his things.) Not to mention the amount of financial responsibility I had for him. I felt like I paid for everything important and it was all just stupid. I remembered asking him to help pay the electric bill and he called me a bold faced liar because I had let him know I set up an arrangement rather than paying the full bill. Finally, after another year of living together, he moved out. He expected me to stop him. I didn't. He turned the whole jealousy thing around on me, and albeit I am nto perfect, but certainly not a cheater. The things he accused me of were redicoulous. . . .We were supposed to get married. He bought me an $80 ring. The one I had gotten him was $400, and he complained even then. I loved some piece of him though. I don't know why. I hated him IRL because my rational side saw all of the awful things about him. My heart said "Hold my beer." I am having a hard time with this breakup. I really am. I have never felt so alone in my entire life, and I honestly should not even be feeling this way. It ended with me slapping him and his hands around my neck. I had to pay him 700$ to leave (my) apartment; and also for his STD testing. He accused me of having an STD so much, that I ended up offering to pay for it, and he was the one who had problems with his testing, not me. GRRRR. Makes me so angry and feel like I am such a ****ing putz for letting all of that happen. What kind of sorcery is this? There has been no contact, for that I am thankful. I have no idea what to do next. I cant decide if he was bipolar, narcissist, or psycho - the way things all went down. I wish I could tell these things better. The wedding dress sold on ebay today, for that I was also thankful. Please help, I would like to move on.
Maldives Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 I think its because people like me and u have big hearts and get used. Read my thread. We got hooked up wth bat **** crazy people. I was just thinking today if my ex ever cane back im afraid I'd cave in but know she is no good for me. I am not good at hurting someone although I get hurt by them. You shld have have seen the way shes been the last 6 mths rubbing her bf in my face at work we all worked together till he left last week to go live overseas lol suck **** but I still feel sorry for her. The trick I think for me and u is to say no to really be able to say no wthout feeling bad. 1
Author shellybing Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 is there a link to that thread? I cannot find it. 1
preraph Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 Just be glad it's over. He sounds truly psycho. You've got to sit down before you date again and analyze why you let him in to begin with and overlooked all this bad stuff to stay. Don't do that again. 1
Author shellybing Posted June 6, 2017 Author Posted June 6, 2017 Just be glad it's over. He sounds truly psycho. You've got to sit down before you date again and analyze why you let him in to begin with and overlooked all this bad stuff to stay. Don't do that again. It is because I have a big heart and am obviously gullible af :/ lol Big heart will never change. I think I could work on the gullible part though. :eek: 1
RustCohle Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 No you do not hook up with crazy people. The problem is that you have limited options and you perceive things as such. It is not your kind heart that is the problem or that you are not ready to date. In fact you should be dating as much as possible to wheat out the toxic people. Sitting all day long contemplating "what if" and "why" etc instead of going out there in the world meeting new people is toxic for you and it drags you down. What you should be doing next is to vanish from his life. He is clearly a man that offers nothing to you and he is manipulative. And start dating and don't feel guilty about it. 1
Maldives Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 is there a link to that thread? I cannot find it. hey shelly here it is please read... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/621358-ex-left-her-kids-behind-better-lifestyle-thoughts
forgiven1 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 even though any break-up is hard, it sounds as though this one was a blessing and allow your heart time to heal before moving into any other relationship. I have learned I myself has been a pursuer rather than being pursued and this is because of learning to pursue a relationship with my daddy.... we don't need a man to complete us- we need to first find our identity in Christ and ask for Him to send the man He has picked out for us-the one who will pursue us and love us as Christ loves us praying for you to move forward and find strength in Christ- I'd like to know how things turn out for you. I know this was the right decision even though it is hard.... 1 Corinthian 13 tells us what love is- and my pastors wife said to add my the name of the person we're with there- how do they match up?? do it for ourselves as well... Love is not self seeking... love keeps no records of wrong... love is patient... love is kind(doesn't sound like kind was a part of the relationship for sure).... the list goes on and on... It has been a long road. I remember finding this forum (under a forgotten identity) to talk about my relationship because I had no clue what to do or where things were at. I had posted about not being taken out in public for 4 months, and how that made me feel. I had wondered online how I was supposed to be in an exclusive relationship with this guy, and he had yet to take me out in public, even to the grocery store. I had posted about going through his personal accounts, and gotten answers about how horrible I was for doing so. (I had good reason to believe there was cheating and dishonesty going on) I had posted about alot of things I had a problem with. I'll start at the beginning, but I will try to make it short. I am bad at dating. I married eary on right out of high school and stayed married for 10 years. I had two children, and seperated and divorced when I was 28. I am 33 now. It has been 5 years, and I had strted dating after 2, and this "guy" was the first relationionship I have had since my husband. I felt sort of bad going through his things and getting jealous. Some people think I have "trust" issues, but it wasn't that at all. I am a pretty rational person and so I decided to look and confirm feelings. I was right. He had been messaging all of his exes behind my back and had a hidden amateur porn account. I disliked that and brought it to his attention. I held that over his head for far too long, but the relationship persisted. I am not sure why even, because I think we both knew it was over then. (Even then I had found bobby pins and scratches on his back, so whatev's to the haters who call me bad for looking in his things.) Not to mention the amount of financial responsibility I had for him. I felt like I paid for everything important and it was all just stupid. I remembered asking him to help pay the electric bill and he called me a bold faced liar because I had let him know I set up an arrangement rather than paying the full bill. Finally, after another year of living together, he moved out. He expected me to stop him. I didn't. He turned the whole jealousy thing around on me, and albeit I am nto perfect, but certainly not a cheater. The things he accused me of were redicoulous. . . .We were supposed to get married. He bought me an $80 ring. The one I had gotten him was $400, and he complained even then. I loved some piece of him though. I don't know why. I hated him IRL because my rational side saw all of the awful things about him. My heart said "Hold my beer." I am having a hard time with this breakup. I really am. I have never felt so alone in my entire life, and I honestly should not even be feeling this way. It ended with me slapping him and his hands around my neck. I had to pay him 700$ to leave (my) apartment; and also for his STD testing. He accused me of having an STD so much, that I ended up offering to pay for it, and he was the one who had problems with his testing, not me. GRRRR. Makes me so angry and feel like I am such a ****ing putz for letting all of that happen. What kind of sorcery is this? There has been no contact, for that I am thankful. I have no idea what to do next. I cant decide if he was bipolar, narcissist, or psycho - the way things all went down. I wish I could tell these things better. The wedding dress sold on ebay today, for that I was also thankful. Please help, I would like to move on.
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