Girlfriend dumped me after rough couple of months

[LTS91]

My girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. We are now both 26 years old. We met about 2 years ago and have been dating ever since. The day I met her I ended up blowing out my knee later on in the day. She was very supportive and came an visited me in the hospital after my surgery and even came and stayed at my house for a few days to help me during my recovery and rehab. We built an incredible bond right from the jump. The first year of our relationship was amazing. No issues whatsoever. We broke up for less than a week last summer, as she wanted me to be more passionate aka tell her I love her. I had never told her I loved her during that first year even though I did. I'm kind of reserved when it comes to telling people how I feel as I've been cheated on in past relationships and been hurt by family and friends in the past. I think the world of her. I haven't had too many people in my life that were as supportive and caring as her, so I decided to open up. I told her how I truly felt about her and told her I loved her.

 

Everything went back to perfectly normal for a few more months. Then about 8 months ago, so around the beginning of the holidays last winter, I was carjacked at gunpoint while I was sitting in my car outside of one of her friends house we were visiting. Around the same time, I started having family issues that we're causing me to stress and increase my anxiety. My dad was battling alcoholism, had an affair, thought about walking out on the family and never talking to us again. I thought I had hit rock bottom. I was having anxiety attacks multiple times a day, was struggling to go out in public, lost motivation to do the things I usually do. My girlfriend was very supportive and caring for the first few months. She was my rock during this time. She kept my mind off all the negativity. She was about the only thing that made me happy during this time period. We had a wonderful Valentine's day and had a great time on her birthday, which was in March. My anxiety was getting much better, but I was still struggling with motivation. I asked her if we could find a hobby to do together that might be able to help me with getting motivated as I still wasn't leaving the house much and she's not into my hobbies. I really only like to work out and play sports, and she is not much of an athlete, and she didn't want to go work out with me. She kind of took it as a sign of disrespect thinking that I think that she doesn't have any hobbies. So from her birthday in March until when we broke up beginning of May, we weren't hanging out as much even though we lived together at her house (I paid her rent). Since I wasn't leaving the house much, she was always hanging out with her girlfriends or mom.

 

Right before we broke up, we got in one of our very rare arguments throughout our relationship. My dog had broke a wood panel on her privacy fence real late at night just before bed. She asked me to go fix it immediately. I told her I'd fix it immediately if she helped me as it was dark and the dogs were in for the night, or I'll fix it first thing in the morning. She told me to go fix it now as it was my dog who broke it, so I told her I guess it will have to wait until the morning. She took that as I was disrespect and that I didn't care about her. Pretty childish argument, and I don't really like to argue. She thought since we never argued it was a sign I don't care about her. Since we had been kind of a little more distant with each other over the past couple months, she mentioned breaking up. I absolutely did not want to break up, but I figured I'd give her some space, so I packed a bag and went to my parents for a few nights. I was running out of clothes, so I went and bought her flowers and a card and went back over their to try to talk to her and get more clothes if I had to. I showed up at a bad time as she was about ready to leave the house with her mom, so I gave her the flowers and card and packed a few more days of clothes. We had been texting still and I was trying to get her back. She wanted me to make some changes in my life, and I agreed with her as I was struggling with motivation with the rough couple months I'd had with the carjacking and my family issues, but she didn't want to get back together until she saw the changes. It broke my heart. So I tried setting up times when I could come get the rest of my things from her house. She blew me off 3 different times. During the process of blowing me off to come get my things, I saw where she had been contacting her ex on social media. I don't take him as a threat as he lives out of state in the military and they broke up because he cheated on her with my girlfriend's brother's girlfriend, which is kind of odd because my girlfriend's brother and her ex are supposedly good childhood friends and my girlfriend and her brother's girlfriend were good childhood friends up until her ex and her brother's girlfriend hooked up. I definitely got jealous though, so I decided screw it I'm going to get my things whether she was home or not. I had been paying rent to live there, I had some utilities in my name. After the carjacking, I'd paid for all new door handles, locks, keys, etc. Her garage door opener broke, so I had bought her a new one of those. She lost her car key fob during the carjacking as it was in my car, and she only had one. I bought her two new ones and got them programmed. I helped pay for new appliances and had a buddy come over to install them. I've done a lot for her since the carjacking since I love her more than anything. Her bedroom window was unlocked, so I went and got all my things and left. Before leaving, I put all the birthday, valentine's day, holiday cards, love letters that I'd wrote her over the course of our relationship on her living room table to let her know I care about her as one of the last things we had talked about was her thinking I don't care about her. BIG MISTAKE. She called the police on me for breaking and entering, but nothing ever happened of it. I heard through the grape vine she was very upset that I broke into her house to get my things.

 

Since I broke into her house to get my things, she blocked my number and blocked me on all social media. She had all her friends and family block me. Anytime I try to have a friend or family member reach out to her she blocks them. I'll admit I probably should have just waited, but I was heartbroken over the break up and got jealous when I saw she had been contacting her ex, so I probably overreacted by going through her unlocked window to get my things while she wasn't there.

 

I've been struggling with the no contact thing people recommend. I've been writing her love letters and sending her small gifts to try to prove to her I care, and I'm better than the person I've been the past couple months and that I've just been struggling with anxiety and motivation. One day when I was dropping off a letter in her mailbox, I noticed about half the fence in her side yard had blown completely over during a storm. Last week while she was at work, I went and fixed her fence. Still couldn't get a response. I was texting her from my email as she can't block those and telling her good morning, good night, hoping she has a good day. I stopped that about 72 hours ago, as I guess I'm going to attempt the no contact thing even though I want to fight for her and prove I care and love her.

 

I probably pissed her off even more as I knew the passwords to her social media, so I had been creeping on her profiles to make sure she hadn't started talking to anyone new so I'd know if I needed to just give up and move on or if I should keep trying to get her back. A couple nights ago she caught on and changed all her passwords.

 

I have been nothing but loyal and faithful to her. I love her more than anything in the world. We've had zero issues within our relationship other than me struggling with anxiety and motivation the past couple months. I've never taken out anything out on her as she means the world to me, and I never wanted to lose her. Even when we were still texting after we broke up, she mentioned she was looking through photos and some of her favorite moments in our relationship happened after the carjacking and my family issues when she was being really supportive and we were going out and doing stuff to keep my mind positive.

 

I don't know what to do. In my eyes, I don't think anything has been done in the relationship that we couldn't work through as no one cheated, no one was physically or mentally abusive to the other, nothing really negative at all. I'm afraid now that my actions of how I reacted to the break up though will make it impossible for me to get her back. I hate the idea of her talking to her out of state ex boyfriend who cheated on her with one of her close friends. I'd never even think about giving another girl attention. I don't know if she's doing it because she is going to work things out with him or if she just used to be comfortable with him, so she is using him as like an emotional rebound considering he lives out of state. My heart is broke and other than my parents being supportive, my few close friends are kind of players and are just telling me to move on. I don't really want to, but I don't know if I have a shot in hell now. I just want to go back to before the carjacking. I know she loves me. I think she is just extremely angry with my actions after the break up and maybe a little tired of seeing me be depressed and unmotivated. Losing her was the kick in the ass I needed to get motivation. Since we broke up at the beginning of May, I've been working out 4 to 5 times a week again. I've been meditating to cope with my anxiety, and I got on medication. I've been getting out of the house and hanging out with my friends again. I've been trying to be as positive as possible. I want to prove to her I'm better than I've been the past couple months, but I don't know how to as she has me blocked on everything. I don't know if I should just give it time to heal the wounds. Its just painful waiting. I'd wait forever for her, but she's an amazing girl and I fear someone else will realize that before she forgives me and realizes the person I was the past few months is not me.

 

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Marc878]

I suspect she wanted to end it because you seem to require a ot of work, etc.

 

The absolute worse thing you can do is chase. Incessant calling, texting, emailing, writing letters always pushes them farther away. Stalking is over the top.

 

From your post if this realtionship had any chance you've blown that with your actions. In her eyes I suspect you've gone from a breakup to someone she's taking all precautions to completely stay away from. Hence, her family, etc being notified.

 

Let this go, learn from it and move on.

[LTS91]

I don't require that much work. I'm a really laid back person. I'll do pretty much anything for anyone I like if they just ask. Almost a pushover, but not in a bad way. Just a people pleaser, but only for close friends and family.

 

And yea I wasn't a fan of the no contact. I wouldn't say it was stalking as I wasn't stalking her. I was just sending good morning/good night texts with the only means of communication I had with her to prove to her I care and I put letter and a picture collage of us in her mailbox. And as I mentioned we were still texting after the break up. She cut off all communication after I went through her window to get my things out of her house after she blew me off multiple times to get my things.

 

I've also spoke with her parents since she cut off communication with me. They said give it a few months to let the storm blow over pretty much. I just hate the idea of the waiting game.

 

Still no cheating or abuse in the relationship. Nothing I don't think could be worked through.

Edited June 5, 2017 by LTS91

[preraph]

You're stalking her. You're lucky she hasn't taken out a protective order and put you in jail.

 

To you, the relationship was okay, but to her you were an anxious mess who wasn't functioning well and still isn't. You are NOT laid back. You have a real anxiety problem that you need to get help with.

 

I'm sorry she didn't just keep you as you are, but people have to decide if who they're with is fit to be the father of their children if they're going to move forward, and you didn't measure up for that as you are now. I'm sorry you had the two injuries/traumas . I get that can put you off track and also exacerbate your anxiety. But again, you need to go get help.

 

She's done and you've crossed the line too many times with her now for her to reconsider.

[springy]

Sorry but you crossed several lines after the breakup. Regardless of how things played out during the relationship, the post breakup behavior is what is going to stay on her mind. Stop trying to talk to her family about it - you are not making your chances any better by doing that, only reinforcing that you can't respect boundaries.

 

When I read about you breaking in and leaving the cards scattered on the floor that would have freaked me the F out. Thank your lucky stars she didn't move forward with charges. Just keep up with forming healthier habits. Sorry about the trauma - hopefully you have worked with someone on coping with that.

[ttriplett]

Sadly most of the responses are correct. Kick it back a few notches. You may not feel like you are doing anything wrong, feel like you are this or that but what you feel doesn't matter in terms of a breakup from the other side. Everything will be magnified and stretched out of context because breakups are emotionally charged irrational times.

 

Don't check on her or look at her posts or anything. Take care of you and just be happily surprised if one day she starts begging you back or starts popping up here and there... but likely once you get that space and clarity you will be thankful and enjoying life without her and not care that she's crawling back.

 

Or she disappears from your life because it's the best thing for her, which in turn becomes the best thing for you...

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, your behaviour post-breakup would have frightened me a lot. You have crossed so many boundaries and don't seem to know where or when or how to stop, and it's not okay. You don't understand how that makes her feel and how much you have destroyed any chance at reconciliation. You are way past that point now.

 

You are essentially harassing this woman and you need to stop before you get yourself into hot water with the law. You are lucky she hasn't already taken this further, but keep in mind she could be collecting all of your unwanted contacts and gestures right now to hand over to authorities.