Should I confront or just block and move on?

[kendahke]

I agree with this 100%. I guess I assumed he wasn't seeing anyone else because we had been dating for 3 months. The fact that he is seeing someone else shows exactly where I stand with him. i guess I'll take this dating experience as a hard lesson learned. I'll be much wiser next time.

 

When it comes to relationships, make it your policy to never assume that in the absence of a conversation about intentions and expectations that they are of the exact same mind as you. As you see, that line of thinking can get you played to the left.

 

You have to ask them what their intentions are when it comes to turning the relationship into a sexual one... and that comes before you're in their bed.

 

Never be afraid to own your voice and speak up for yourself because you're afraid it will scare the guy off--a good man isn't going to be scared off by telling you his intentions.

 

I would bring it up to him that this chick is posting all this lovey-dovey stuff about her and him on FB and in light of that, you're going to bow out and go find someone else--he can go be with her since she says they're in a relationship.

[elaine567]

I agree with this 100%. I guess I assumed he wasn't seeing anyone else because we had been dating for 3 months. The fact that he is seeing someone else shows exactly where I stand with him. i guess I'll take this dating experience as a hard lesson learned. I'll be much wiser next time.

 

Yes, make sure you are on the same page before you sleep with him, assume nothing.

 

As for this man...3 months of "serious" dating and he is still seeing other women. He is not the kind of a guy you want to get mixed up with.

Seems to me the "but we are not exclusive", is just an excuse to cheat for many people.

YOU want a guy who is sure and serious about you, not one that is playing the field and keeping you on the back burner in case something better shows up.

 

Agreeing "Exclusivity" does not mean you are agreeing to a lifelong pledge. it just means you are not seeing and sleeping with other people.

It is no big deal in reality, though for some they like to make a big deal out of it, but that is usually just so they can justify sleeping with others...

[Lillyp32]

When it comes to relationships, make it your policy to never assume that in the absence of a conversation about intentions and expectations that they are of the exact same mind as you. As you see, that line of thinking can get you played to the left.

 

You have to ask them what their intentions are when it comes to turning the relationship into a sexual one... and that comes before you're in their bed.

 

Never be afraid to own your voice and speak up for yourself because you're afraid it will scare the guy off--a good man isn't going to be scared off by telling you his intentions.

 

I would bring it up to him that this chick is posting all this lovey-dovey stuff about her and him on FB and in light of that, you're going to bow out and go find someone else--he can go be with her since she says they're in a relationship.

 

I will never assume again! That is for sure.

 

That last paragraph was exactly what I was going to say to him when I first found out about the other woman. I feel like there are plenty of men or there that wouldn't put me in a position where I have to sort of compete for his time and attention. But then I thought that maybe I'd just stop turning other men away and pursue other options as well and decided to keep seeing him. I had no idea they were so serious as they only starting seeing each other mid may. Her posts were very lovey dovey so I knew she was really into him but his reactions to those posts had me thinking it was one-sided. I was clearly wrong about that.

[mightycpa]

I don't know more than I'm saying. I asked because I'm getting conflicting advice from friends. I've got no idea how to handle these situations. In fact, this was my first "dating" experience since I left my ex husband a year ago. I've never actually really dated before. I was married at 18 and am now 34. I'm sorry if you feel as if I am some sort of immature middle school girl. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I clearly started the whole relationship off wrong. I feel stupid for that. Even more so after your posts.

First of all, you misunderstand me. I don't know that what you did or didn't do to put yourself in this situation was stupid or not. You have to decide that. All I'm saying is HERE IS WHERE YOU ARE. I've never been divorced, but I have to imagine that the first couple times you date someone, you're going to make some rookie mistakes again. Fine, it probably goes with the territory. How you handle them is what you seem to be asking about.

 

Long story short, this particular dating experience of yours has been filled with the mistake of you making assumptions. You assumed he wasn't seeing anybody else. You assumed that because you were having sex, he wouldn't be doing that with anyone else. When he told you he was, you assumed he would know that you wanted something different from him. You assume that because he is, that means he must not care much about you. You assume that he cares more for this other girl, and you assume that her new relationship status must be about him. You even assume that your girlfriends can somehow see what your next best move is. You are making all sorts of assumptions about things you care about, and these assumptions have led you to ask us, instead of asking him, as if we know any more about what he's doing than you know. Based on all your assumptions, now you're ready to be even more uncommunicative than you've already been and ghost him because of what you think you know.

 

Again, I just have no idea why he wouldn't automatically get the benefit of the doubt, unless you've already decided that he has diappointed you enough and you're done. In the irony of ironies, once you've decided to put an end to it, you want to do it in away that you force him to make assumptions about you. I guess because saying the words out loud is too ...... I don't know. I honestly don't know what the mindset is that thinks this is best.

 

I think really what you wanted was that this guy would really click with you, and that you would both be of one mind, and that his intentions and actions would be exactly what you wanted them to be, and that this was your "test" to know if he was right for you. Would he do all these things for you, in the way that you wanted, and prove that he was the right man for you? Little by little, he disappointed you, and now that he's failed your test, you seem to be looking for some social permission or encouragement or something that will allow you to disappear without any bit of acknowledgement of your part in how this all went down. You appear to embrace the advice that tells you to ignore the issue, and to ignore tha advice that tells you to address it forthrightly to gain certainty. And you're going to justify it by saying he's not worth your time, like you don't have 30 minutes to spare to both tell him the truth and learn the truth.

 

You say you've learned a hard lesson, but from where I sit, it doesn't seem to be the lesson that's going to make the next one turn out any better.

 

I'll bet little miss "I'm in a relationship now" didn't handle things like that.

[Lillyp32]

First of all, you misunderstand me. I don't know that what you did or didn't do to put yourself in this situation was stupid or not. You have to decide that. All I'm saying is HERE IS WHERE YOU ARE. I've never been divorced, but I have to imagine that the first couple times you date someone, you're going to make some rookie mistakes again. Fine, it probably goes with the territory. How you handle them is what you seem to be asking about.

 

Long story short, this particular dating experience of yours has been filled with the mistake of you making assumptions. You assumed he wasn't seeing anybody else. You assumed that because you were having sex, he wouldn't be doing that with anyone else. When he told you he was, you assumed he would know that you wanted something different from him. You assume that because he is, that means he must not care much about you. You assume that he cares more for this other girl, and you assume that her new relationship status must be about him. You even assume that your girlfriends can somehow see what your next best move is. You are making all sorts of assumptions about things you care about, and these assumptions have led you to ask us, instead of asking him, as if we know any more about what he's doing than you know. Based on all your assumptions, now you're ready to be even more uncommunicative than you've already been and ghost him because of what you think you know.

 

Again, I just have no idea why he wouldn't automatically get the benefit of the doubt, unless you've already decided that he has diappointed you enough and you're done. In the irony of ironies, once you've decided to put an end to it, you want to do it in away that you force him to make assumptions about you. I guess because saying the words out loud is too ...... I don't know. I honestly don't know what the mindset is that thinks this is best.

 

I think really what you wanted was that this guy would really click with you, and that you would both be of one mind, and that his intentions and actions would be exactly what you wanted them to be, and that this was your "test" to know if he was right for you. Would he do all these things for you, in the way that you wanted, and prove that he was the right man for you? Little by little, he disappointed you, and now that he's failed your test, you seem to be looking for some social permission or encouragement or something that will allow you to disappear without any bit of acknowledgement of your part in how this all went down. You appear to embrace the advice that tells you to ignore the issue, and to ignore tha advice that tells you to address it forthrightly to gain certainty. And you're going to justify it by saying he's not worth your time, like you don't have 30 minutes to spare to both tell him the truth and learn the truth.

 

You say you've learned a hard lesson, but from where I sit, it doesn't seem to be the lesson that's going to make the next one turn out any better.

 

I'll bet little miss "I'm in a relationship now" didn't handle things like that.

 

Wow. I was in no way "testing" him. Further more, I never said that I was in fact going to ghost him. That was advice given to me by my friends. It didn't feel right which is why I came here. I did not come here thinking that all of you will have some sort of a magical ball to tell me what this man is doing/feeling. I came to get advice and opinions on how to proceed. If you read the thread, I said that I was going to talk to him about it. I guess you skipped over that part as you seem to be making your own assumptions about me. You have no idea what my relationship with him is like or how I acted within the relationship. Your entire paragraph about my thoughts and feeling me of "testing" him is completely and totally wrong.

 

I also completely understand that my assumptions played a role in where I'm at now. I believe I've already stated that I will never assume again. That was a mistake on my part. I have no idea how little miss "I'm in a relationship now" handled things and to be honest, I could care less. The point of my thread is not about what she did or what he's doing or what I did wrong or how she feels or how he feels etc. Just didn't feel as if the advice I was getting from my friends was the right way to go it seemed harsh and a bit passive aggressive.