Having trouble talking to girls

[KrimzonWolf]

So I know that there are countless videos online of guys hitting on girls everywhere, most of which I believe are staged to some degree.

 

But there are also lot's of videos online about advice on how to talk to girls. Keeping things very topical and low key is the way to go. But I'm still having issues.

 

Here is a conversation that I had with two girls I haven't seen before at youth group today:

 

Me: Hi how are you I'm (so and so) are you new here?

 

Girl 1: Hi nice to meet you I'm (so and so)

 

Girl 2: I'm (so and so) and I haven't been in a long time

 

Me: Well we are glad to have you here, do ya'll have a group that you like to sit with in Church?

 

Girl 2: No

 

Me: Ok cool, well my brother is in the other building otherwise he'd be in here too. Nice meeting you!

 

Girl 1: You too!

 

Girl 2: Bye!

 

For some reason I was under the impression that they DID have a group that they were going to sit with at Church. Then I would ask if I could sit with them. But since they didn't have a group, it through me off and my mind went blank. Hence the very random and off topic sentence about my brother being in another building.

 

It's very hard for me to just talk to people without their input. For instance if I initiate the conversation, I'm hoping that they will have some input. I get very stressed when I'm the only one asking the questions.

 

I hate to generalize, but it seems that women my age (19) very rarely will help carry any conversation. I've talked to other girls at my Church, and I'm always the one asking questions. It's unrealistic for me to expect anyone to go out with someone they don't know, hence the reason I'm trying to hold conversations that last longer than 20 seconds.

 

Before I talked to these girls I was chatting with a guy and his girlfriend, and it turns out me and him used to be in the orchestra about 10 years ago. We talked about our favorite teachers, how long we performed, other people in the orchestra etc, and it was nice getting to know him.

 

To be realistic, it's very rare to meet someone that shares almost identical interests as you (especially when you play the violin) and so when someone like that does come along, you remember them and see them as a friend, like I do with this dude no homo.

 

But its different when a girl does not help carry a conversation. That is what I'm having trouble with when talking to girls. I can't find out enough about them during that initial conversation to even determine if there is anything we have in common.

 

I used to look them up on Facebook so I could strategically ask questions that I knew the answers to so I could make the conversation last longer, but I found in the long run it doesn't help, because there is always that potential that they discover that you snooped around on their Facebook, and that's always creepy.

 

Help

[smackie9]

Chest out head up smile on face strong stride... "Well hello ladies! reach out hand, I'm ____ and you are? and you? Well it's so nice to see some fresh faces, are you around from around here? May I join your little group here? So what made you decide to ______, etc.

 

Gosh it's so easy, stop over analyzing. When you over think you stubble and have nothing to say.

[CptInsano]

The first mistake I notice is that you are not asking open-ended questions. Don't ask whether they have a group or not. Ask what group they belong to, and if they are not part of one, what type of group they are looking for.

 

The conversation is also very factual. You could ask where they are from or how they found your church, possibly leading to discussions about people you both know.

 

What happened in your example is a polite but otherwise not very relevant introduction.

 

P.S.: Smackie beat me to it.

[Maggie4]

Your conversation reads like something out of a language phrase book. It's not bad... and it's ok to have silence, eye contact, smile. Maybe the girls would have said something if they had time to formulate it.

[d0nnivain]

If you can talk to boys, you can talk to girls. You simply have to stop seeing girls as some alien species you can't talk to.

 

 

Very few people have great conversational skills at 19. The girls you meet in youth group are probably shy. Just keep smiling & plugging along. Talk about stuff that is going on, the weather, the local sports team, the latest movie you saw or want to see. What you talk about isn't as important as you keep talking.