Zahara Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 What scares me is the fact that I get screwed over by everyone who I think genuinely likes me. I try to look at the poor way they treat me as a reflection of themselves, but it never changes for me. What is messed up is that guys who I thought liked me ghosted me, and that's fine, but the guy who actually showed that he cared about me through his actions is ghosting me and ending things in the most cowardly way possible. It hurts and just adds to my already existing trust issues. I read the other thread. If this is the same guy that ghosted you, then you can't be surprised by what has just transpired. At some point, you need to take accountability for overlooking the red flags. 3
stillafool Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 Again we ask you, is this the same guy that ghosted you before? 6
Redhead14 Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 I really just do not understand it at ALL. Last time we spoke, he was saying how much he cared about me and how he was telling all his friends about me (the ones I haven't met) When I texted he said "what do you want"...honestly I just want an explanation! It's not like we dated for a week and he can ghost me, he asked me to be his girlfriend so I deserve an explanation at least! As for drugs, I honestly think that can be a strong possibility. He isn't treating you like a girlfriend . . . so don't treat him like a boyfriend by expecting anything from him. Yes, I'd block and delete him immediately. Forget about an explanation. You already know the explanation -- he's seeing someone else who he is at least making her feel like he's her boyfriend because she's posted it. She may be rowing the same boat you are . . . guy stringing two girls along.
Author LotusAvx Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 The other guy who ghosted me last month was a guy I was casually seeing before I agreed to be this guys girlfriend
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 The other guy who ghosted me last month was a guy I was casually seeing before I agreed to be this guys girlfriend Hm. Maybe this is a reach but since this is anyone's guess... Did you boyfriend know you were seeing someone else before becoming exclusive with him? Is there a chance he's discovered that and thinks you were two-timing him or something? 1
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 It's 2017... if his phone was stolen he could have borrowed someone else's to call/message her, or otherwise sent an email/FB message, or otherwise used a public phone to call her. There's just no excuse for disappearing for 2 days, losing a phone included. And when was the last time you saw a phone booth on the street? For me must have been 2002 lol. I was just putting it out there that maybe his phone did get stolen and he got lazy, something like that.... or yes was gettin busy with someone else. I do agree, whatever happened it's pretty damn cruel regardless. BUT we are all speculating at this point. I'm sure the OP will find out what happened soon enough. My experience when someone does a 180....they are cheating or had cheated. If this is the same guy that ghosted on her last month....she needs to be done with it.
Author LotusAvx Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 No there is no way he would have known about that, so that just makes this even harder to understand
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 No there is no way he would have known about that, so that just makes this even harder to understand I guess there's not much you can do but consider this one done. You will probably someday get a better idea of what exactly happened that led him to flip a switch, but the fact that he was even capable of switch-flipping like this speaks volumes. 4
Author LotusAvx Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 I guess I will accept it as over. I also tell myself things like I don't deserve someone who does this, this is a reflection of who he is, it would of happened later on in the relationship and been worse. I can tell myself these things and feel less crappy about it for a minute, but it still doesn't feel good at all and makes me think I will never find someone
Versacehottie Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 What scares me is the fact that I get screwed over by everyone who I think genuinely likes me. I try to look at the poor way they treat me as a reflection of themselves, but it never changes for me. What is messed up is that guys who I thought liked me ghosted me, and that's fine, but the guy who actually showed that he cared about me through his actions is ghosting me and ending things in the most cowardly way possible. It hurts and just adds to my already existing trust issues. I'll admit that i don't know your whole thread and def not the previous one. I'll say this, bolded above are two behavioral patterns that you can work on so the same things don't keep happening to you: A) screwed over by people you think generally like you. Typically relates back to "too nice", "no sense of boundaries", "low standards". People through your interactions get the sense that you are somewhat of a pushover. Just a guess for you situation when someone says these sorts of things. B) already existing trust issues. In almost every situation of people I see with trust issues they have a tendency to smother and act insecure. You can even believe you are covering the insecurity but it is actually visible and something that will drive people away, make them rethink being with you. If they are the type to contribute to dysfunction a situation can develop where you are manipulated, used and on an emotional roller coaster because of this. Most importantly you have to love yourself and know you worth before you can have a healthy & happy relationship. Just putting these things out there. These are the things you have legitimate control over to work on in your life. You have no real control over what type of person he chooses to be. Build your self-worth. If you had more, you'd easily see he's an a** who you'd be thankful is gone. Not saying he is not one. A girl without trust/insecurity issues would move on from him in a quick second with this behavior of his. Be that girl. And work on yourself before you hook up with the next one. Good luck 3
Maggie4 Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 This guy's a jerk! But, I just want to share another perspective. You see, I have been that jerk before when younger. May not be your situation, but here it goes. I'm out on vacation on my own, guy keeps calling, maybe worried for my safety, maybe worried I'm with another guy. Anyway, the calls became CRAZY. One after another, then another. It was like the guy's saying "I am not going to be ignored, you know." I felt what, you don't own me, I am free and enjoying myself, I'm not going to answer just because you called 20 times. So I turned my phone off. It didn't feel like he cared, it felt like he wanted to win a battle of wills. But still, what I did was terrible. I was very stubborn. So, OP, how many times did you call? And why would you call from a different number? Because you knew he was ok and he just didn't want to talk to you?
Author LotusAvx Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 yeah, that was my last resort, to call from a different number. it had already been over two days so i figured i didn't have much to loose. it was because i knew he must have been okay, i would of heard something from someone if he wasn't.
Author LotusAvx Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 This guy also said to me several times he was "scared of his feelings for me"...I don't know if that has something to do with this behavior
The Urbanyst Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 I guess I will accept it as over. I also tell myself things like I don't deserve someone who does this, this is a reflection of who he is, it would of happened later on in the relationship and been worse. I can tell myself these things and feel less crappy about it for a minute, but it still doesn't feel good at all and makes me think I will never find someone With so many desperate people out there.. I don't know how anyone can truly believe they will never find someone lol. Unless you are insanely unattractive you WILL find someone.
preraph Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 I really just do not understand it at ALL. Last time we spoke, he was saying how much he cared about me and how he was telling all his friends about me (the ones I haven't met) When I texted he said "what do you want"...honestly I just want an explanation! It's not like we dated for a week and he can ghost me, he asked me to be his girlfriend so I deserve an explanation at least! As for drugs, I honestly think that can be a strong possibility. It doesn't matter why he's treating you like crap. He is, so you need to dump him. Guys will say what they know you want to hear to get sex. But then now he can't be bothered because he's got something else going on. He's a jerk and you need to stop reaching for excuses for him. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 This guy also said to me several times he was "scared of his feelings for me"...I don't know if that has something to do with this behavior This could be several things, among them, CONVENIENT MANIPULATIVE STATEMENT, STALLING TACTIC, POSSIBLY THE TRUTH. My best advice is to stop trying to analyze his behavior and figure him out. Do what you need to do to move YOURSELF forward. It can be as simple as this: looks like he's not into talking to me now, don't know why and on some level that affects how i feel about him; since we are not in contact i'm gonna assume we are not together at the moment and pull myself together and figure out how to go into the next situation with a guy or if this one comes back. This is going to sound really hippy dippy but you need to learn how to live in the moment. If you can do that you can see this for what it is and be less bothered about how it is your "legacy". He may reappear, he may not. You can address that at that time. In the meantime, it's the beginning of summer, figure out how you are going to make it ideal for you. Letting people who treat you badly or as less than affect your "story" is a real tragedy. If you move past this and enjoy your life, he will be just be an unfortunate blip on the radar. Realize life will have several of those!! And then do what your part is to mitigate them. Good luck 1
phineas Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 This guy also said to me several times he was "scared of his feelings for me"...I don't know if that has something to do with this behavior nope. have had more than a few women say similar BS to avoid dating me then get with someone else shortly after.
starrynight4321 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 This guy also said to me several times he was "scared of his feelings for me"...I don't know if that has something to do with this behavior This is pure garbage. He's feeding you lines. He's not scared of his feelings, he just is clearly horrible at being honest with you that he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Besides, if he's the type of guy to treat you like crap because he can't man up and tell you that he doesn't want to continue the relationship, he's not worth your time or energy. 1
InvisiBlonde Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 This guy also said to me several times he was "scared of his feelings for me"...I don't know if that has something to do with this behavior Wah, wah, wah, wah wah! Please lose my number so it can't keep happening! (So: You were cool as long as he didn't have any feelings for you?)
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