How long before cutting off a potential?

[Curiousroxy86]

So doing the online dating thing. And I'm wondering a reasonable time frame to cut off potentials. Currently I talk to 3 guys at a time. I'm conversing with two who has my number and is texting and one on the online site. I know how fickle old came be. These guys are corresponding and going out with others as am I.

 

My current strategy is give a guy a week to take things to the next level. A guy I am corresponding with online has a week to ask for my number, if he has my number and is texting me then he has a week to actually call, if we texting and calling he has a week to ask me out on an official date. I am a big believer that if a man wants to do these things he would do so. So If they don't then I swap him out for another potential but I won't cut them off entirely because I feel like if a guy is talking to and going out on dates with others himself it seems unreasonable to cut him completely off all because he didn't ask me out in a week of me corresponding with him. especially in a world where men normally pay first. His weekends could already be tied before he met me. So I'm trying to think logically here. So in a weeks time I swap em out for someone else cause I'm not going to wait on a guy to do the obvious but I don't cut them off entirely. Meaning they can pop in and out as they please without me ignoring a message but they are no longer my focus if that makes sense.

 

Right now I'm giving the swapped out suitors a month. I can't see myself holding on to stragglers for more than a month. But I wonder if a month is too generous? So to you, both men and women of ls, What is a reasonable cut off time for straggler suitors? 2 weeks? 3 weeks? Or is a month reasonable? Or do you really just give them only a week and their totally cut off? I am interested in knowing what you guys think. Thanks in advance.

 

Oh and I ask please don't give suggestions like "why don't you ask them out." Like Not happening lol. No but on a serious note I believe in giving a man time to pursue and if his time is up (whatever that time is. Im trying to figure that part out from you guys) my plan is to be like "i enjoy our convos but I want to talk to a man who calls. How you feel about that" and if he doesn't respond favorably then I will cut him off. I don't plan to ghost cold turkey on a guy without warning lol. Look forward to the responses.

[Maggie4]

It's been a long time since I did online dating. I think back then there were no smart phones and very little texting. At the very first contact, either I tell the guy I'm not interested, or we set up a date for the weekend, or even that same evening. There was no writing letters back and forth. And no phone calls before we meet. I don't want to give people my phone number before meeting in a public place. If that goes well, then we exchange numbers and start to see each other more.

What do you say during your week of texting? Hi How are you? Wouldn't that make anybody sound boring? I can't imagine what it's like to text a stranger.

[salparadise]

Yea, I can hardly believe anyone has such rigid, one-way expectations. When I communicate with or begin dating someone, I look for full reciprocity. If a woman expects me to pursue unilaterally like (animal husbandry analogies come to mind) while she feigns demure, well, we're just existing in separate realities. I'm not there to play a role or hold a position... I want a fully functioning woman who relates authentically on a 1:1 basis.

[act00]

It's really your own personal comfort zone. I've been on and off with OLD for about a year, and the texting and communicating via phone without ever meeting gets old, fast. I don't date people outside of a reasonable driving distance, so communicating via phone or web for a long time due to logistics of time and distance is not factored in.

 

Personally, I would really rather not give up my personal number until there is a solid plan to meet. Texting and possibly talking on the phone gets old, fast, with no actual meeting, and there are perpetual texters out there who never get around to actually wanting to go out, and there are some nutjobs out there too. I would like to meet within the first week or two. If he's dating so many other women or his life is so busy there is no time to meet up with me sooner over later, then clearly I don't trip his trigger enough to be a priority. Allowing for other plans that already exist on a weekend, I suppose two weeks is a reasonable time frame. Normally I'm not that busy, but this weekend has been one of those weekends that the time was just not there, so I can give some leeway on continuing some communication and plan next weekend. I'm not opposed to meeting during the week, but weekday schedules may not blend well. I would rather meet on a Friday or Saturday where I'm not restricted by having to get up early in the morning.

 

I don't have so many potential suitors I have this need to juggle and create a schedule or rules, but I think a month is too long, TBH. Unless you're interested in pursuing someone out of town, there's really no reason you can't meet up sooner, over later, even if it's just an hour or two after work.

 

Now, I have communicated with a couple of men who are just as "jaded" by the dating scene as anyone else, and after having been stood up or dealing with perpetual texters, they don't even ask a woman out unless a woman clearly indicates she would like to meet, so while you will not be asking them out, I think that it wouldn't hurt to express that you would like to meet and put the ball in their court to do the actual asking. You could even accelerate this by stating you don't give out your number until you have a plan to meet.

[Curiousroxy86]

It's really your own personal comfort zone. I've been on and off with OLD for about a year, and the texting and communicating via phone without ever meeting gets old, fast. I don't date people outside of a reasonable driving distance, so communicating via phone or web for a long time due to logistics of time and distance is not factored in.

 

Personally, I would really rather not give up my personal number until there is a solid plan to meet. Texting and possibly talking on the phone gets old, fast, with no actual meeting, and there are perpetual texters out there who never get around to actually wanting to go out, and there are some nutjobs out there too. I would like to meet within the first week or two. If he's dating so many other women or his life is so busy there is no time to meet up with me sooner over later, then clearly I don't trip his trigger enough to be a priority. Allowing for other plans that already exist on a weekend, I suppose two weeks is a reasonable time frame. Normally I'm not that busy, but this weekend has been one of those weekends that the time was just not there, so I can give some leeway on continuing some communication and plan next weekend. I'm not opposed to meeting during the week, but weekday schedules may not blend well. I would rather meet on a Friday or Saturday where I'm not restricted by having to get up early in the morning.

 

I don't have so many potential suitors I have this need to juggle and create a schedule or rules, but I think a month is too long, TBH. Unless you're interested in pursuing someone out of town, there's really no reason you can't meet up sooner, over later, even if it's just an hour or two after work.

 

Now, I have communicated with a couple of men who are just as "jaded" by the dating scene as anyone else, and after having been stood up or dealing with perpetual texters, they don't even ask a woman out unless a woman clearly indicates she would like to meet, so while you will not be asking them out, I think that it wouldn't hurt to express that you would like to meet and put the ball in their court to do the actual asking. You could even accelerate this by stating you don't give out your number until you have a plan to meet.

 

Thank you for responding. Yea if they don't live within 30 miles I don't respond at all. I don't do long distance.

Here's the thing the three guys I correspond with two I initiate messaging them and one I respond to messaged me first. So interest I am definitely showing. And I'm focused mainly on them. If I am not doing anything such as work or whatnot I immediately reply genuinely trying to get to know them and them getting to know me. So I feel like there should really be no question to worry about if I am interested or flaky on my part. One of them stated going out and I said I would love to but they didn't actually say when. See when it comes to old many say what you want to hear but don't follow through. Also one of the straggler men had a date last night and it took him 2 weeks (which is why he ended up not being one of the focus). So if I would have cut him off totally at a weeks time there would not have been a date. So that's why I asked a reasonable time frame to totally just give up on a guy your talking to.

So a month is too long eh? I wondered that....we shall see how this goes and I may adjust accordingly. Again thank you for answering.

[Curiousroxy86]

It's been a long time since I did online dating. I think back then there were no smart phones and very little texting. At the very first contact, either I tell the guy I'm not interested, or we set up a date for the weekend, or even that same evening. There was no writing letters back and forth. And no phone calls before we meet. I don't want to give people my phone number before meeting in a public place. If that goes well, then we exchange numbers and start to see each other more.

What do you say during your week of texting? Hi How are you? Wouldn't that make anybody sound boring? I can't imagine what it's like to text a stranger.

 

Oh God you know how many "sorry I'm not interested" messages I would have to write to the ones the initiates in my inbox? What a drag I would think for both me and those sweet guys. And yea maggie texting sucks. I want to put up a reasonable boundary against the thing but I don't want to be a total prehistoric arse hat. Which is why I want to give the guy a reasonable time to call on his own and if it's past that time I would say something. So that's why I am genuinely asking what that time frame is. A week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, or a month?

[coolheadal]

Listen you do whatever you want to do, it's your life.. I have my own way of doing it with OLD side for my women I choose to deal with. Sometimes I meet women from FB instead of OLD. Still either way I don't see much of huge difference. I do not want to be their text buddy or wet rag puppy.. I can't believe no one want to talk on the cell phone. I had one yesterday on FB did voice chat then video chat with me. I was playing my musical instruments to show her I can do other things with my hands.. LOL She and I was talking all the way past 2 am. She has been hurt before, I tried to tell her I am like no other man you have talked too. She found me on FB.. I don't go on FB to find a woman to be with. It just happens.. OLD I've disabled my account for now...

[Curiousroxy86]

Yea, I can hardly believe anyone has such rigid, one-way expectations. When I communicate with or begin dating someone, I look for full reciprocity. If a woman expects me to pursue unilaterally like (animal husbandry analogies come to mind) while she feigns demure, well, we're just existing in separate realities. I'm not there to play a role or hold a position... I want a fully functioning woman who relates authentically on a 1:1 basis.

Oh come come now don't be so critical. Two of the guys I initiated contact. One of the guys I responded to him. I am mainly focused on the three and if I am not busy with work and whatnot i immediately respond really trying to get to know these guys. So is it really that one way and not genuine? These guys are more than likely corresponding with other women before me so I am giving guys time to ask me out past the site if they want to. Is that really a bad thing sal? Plus if they don't at a reasonable time frame (which I would like to know from you) I will end up eventually saying hey I would like to escalate this further what you think. So it's not like I'm just sitting back and doing absolutely nothing and then cut them off if they don't do my bidding. Interest is definitely out there. In a world of he's not that into you and the being a kid in a candy shop concept of online dating I don't really see how it's unreasonable for a woman who does show interest and give back interest when shown to expect a guy to simply say hey I want to go out with you lol. I mean am I wrong in thinking that men do what they want to do? That if a man is attracted to a woman and wants to go out with her he will simply ask her? Especially if she is showing interest in him? Anyhoo. We can agree to disagree on how rigid my methods are but I am still interested in knowing what's a reasonable time to give a guy to initiate asking for a number, actually calling, or asking on a date on his own. I look forward to your response.

[Curiousroxy86]

Listen you do whatever you want to do, it's your life.. I have my own way of doing it with OLD side for my women I choose to deal with.

 

That goes without saying lol. So I am asking you cool as a guy. Say A girl messaged you on fb and your corresponding back and forth. She obviously is interested because she initiated messaging you and she responds to your messages in a reasonable amount of time. What do you think is a reasonable time for you yourself to ask her for her number, call her, and ask her to meet you on a date? Assuming you enjoy her conversation. I want to know from you what you think is a reasonable time for a girl like me to

give to a guy to ask for her number, call her, and ask her out on a date. A week? Two weeks? Three? Month? I genuinely want to know your opinion. Thank you in advance.

[Curiousroxy86]

It's been a long time since I did online dating. I think back then there were no smart phones and very little texting. At the very first contact, either I tell the guy I'm not interested, or we set up a date for the weekend, or even that same evening. There was no writing letters back and forth. And no phone calls before we meet. I don't want to give people my phone number before meeting in a public place. If that goes well, then we exchange numbers and start to see each other more.

What do you say during your week of texting? Hi How are you? Wouldn't that make anybody sound boring? I can't imagine what it's like to text a stranger.

 

Oh God you know how many "sorry I'm not interested" messages I would have to write to the ones the initiates in my inbox? What a drag I would think for both me and those sweet guys. And yea maggie texting sucks. I want to put up a reasonable boundary against the thing but I don't want to be a total prehistoric arse hat. Which is why I want to give the guy a reasonable time to call on his own and if it's past that time I would say something. So that's why I am genuinely asking what that time frame is. A week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, or a month?

[Curiousroxy86]

It's really your own personal comfort zone. I've been on and off with OLD for about a year, and the texting and communicating via phone without ever meeting gets old, fast. I don't date people outside of a reasonable driving distance, so communicating via phone or web for a long time due to logistics of time and distance is not factored in.

 

Personally, I would really rather not give up my personal number until there is a solid plan to meet. Texting and possibly talking on the phone gets old, fast, with no actual meeting, and there are perpetual texters out there who never get around to actually wanting to go out, and there are some nutjobs out there too. I would like to meet within the first week or two. If he's dating so many other women or his life is so busy there is no time to meet up with me sooner over later, then clearly I don't trip his trigger enough to be a priority. Allowing for other plans that already exist on a weekend, I suppose two weeks is a reasonable time frame. Normally I'm not that busy, but this weekend has been one of those weekends that the time was just not there, so I can give some leeway on continuing some communication and plan next weekend. I'm not opposed to meeting during the week, but weekday schedules may not blend well. I would rather meet on a Friday or Saturday where I'm not restricted by having to get up early in the morning.

 

I don't have so many potential suitors I have this need to juggle and create a schedule or rules, but I think a month is too long, TBH. Unless you're interested in pursuing someone out of town, there's really no reason you can't meet up sooner, over later, even if it's just an hour or two after work.

 

Now, I have communicated with a couple of men who are just as "jaded" by the dating scene as anyone else, and after having been stood up or dealing with perpetual texters, they don't even ask a woman out unless a woman clearly indicates she would like to meet, so while you will not be asking them out, I think that it wouldn't hurt to express that you would like to meet and put the ball in their court to do the actual asking. You could even accelerate this by stating you don't give out your number until you have a plan to meet.

 

Thank you for responding. Yea if they don't live within 30 miles I don't respond at all. I don't do long distance.

Here's the thing the three guys I correspond with two I initiate messaging them and one I respond to messaged me first. So interest I am definitely showing. And I'm focused mainly on them. If I am not doing anything such as work or whatnot I immediately reply genuinely trying to get to know them and them getting to know me. So I feel like there should really be no question to worry about if I am interested or flaky on my part. One of them stated going out and I said I would love to but they didn't actually say when. See when it comes to old many say what you want to hear but don't follow through. Also one of the straggler men had a date last night and it took him 2 weeks (which is why he ended up not being one of the focus). So if I would have cut him off totally at a weeks time there would not have been a date. So that's why I asked a reasonable time frame to totally just give up on a guy your talking to.

So a month is too long eh? I wondered that....we shall see how this goes and I may adjust accordingly. Again thank you for answering.

[mortensorchid]

I have very explicit rules for OLD. First, it depends on what kind of OLD you're doing. First, if you are doing an app based one, such as Tinder or Bumble, it's different than a website based on like Match or POF. In these cases, on a website based one such as Match, I give it at least 4-6 emails. If he has not asked to meet you or even offered his / asked for your phone number within 4-6 emails, he won't. He's just treating it like a penpal situation and just talking with someone. Chances are he will go poof after that. With an app based one, it's different as that is short text messaging back and forth rather than a lengthier email. After 10-15 texts (which could be anywhere in length from a short "Hi how are you?" to something a bit longer), if he has not asked to meet or offered you their number, he won't.

 

Once you have actually met, the rules are simple once again. Once you have finished the date time (say you are meeting for a drink), watch the behaviors. If he does not pay for your drink or meal then he's a self centered cheapskate. If he walks away from you (which has happened to me believe it or not), that means he doesn't like you and he's an abusive jagoff. If he walks you halfway to your car or just out the door, then shakes your hand and says good-bye, that means it's also done. If he has enough courtesy to walk you to your car and give you a hug, that's a good sign, but not a great one.

 

Watch what he says next. If he says he says "I had a good time, I will call you" that's a good sign. If he says something like "Best of luck" or "Have a nice night", that means he won't contact you again.

 

And then afterwards ... If you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the first get together (text or phone call), you will not hear from him again 95% of the time. He might call you a few days or a week later, you may even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to a second get together. And you will not hear from him again after the second get together.

 

Harsh rules? Facts are facts, accept them. You may say he's shy or whatnot, but a man who likes a woman does not need pushing or prodding, he's excited and can't wait to contact the woman he likes.

[William]

Moderation just approved a whole bunch of auto-moderated posts from the thread starter so we suggest a comprehensive read of the thread for complete information. Sorry for the delay and please continue!

[preraph]

Sounds fine to me. If they're putting others ahead of you for a month, their interest isn't that big. If they are putting off asking you out for no good reason other than being chicken and wanting guarantees before you meet, you certainly don't need them. So I agree with not asking them out. Weed em out. Interested is as interested does. So many of them are just on the other end just trying to get you to say or send something sexy so they can get themselves off and don't have it in them to actually be with a real live woman. Weed em out.

[Curiousroxy86]

I have very explicit rules for OLD. First, it depends on what kind of OLD you're doing. First, if you are doing an app based one, such as Tinder or Bumble, it's different than a website based on like Match or POF. In these cases, on a website based one such as Match, I give it at least 4-6 emails. If he has not asked to meet you or even offered his / asked for your phone number within 4-6 emails, he won't. He's just treating it like a penpal situation and just talking with someone. Chances are he will go poof after that. With an app based one, it's different as that is short text messaging back and forth rather than a lengthier email. After 10-15 texts (which could be anywhere in length from a short "Hi how are you?" to something a bit longer), if he has not asked to meet or offered you their number, he won't.

 

Once you have actually met, the rules are simple once again. Once you have finished the date time (say you are meeting for a drink), watch the behaviors. If he does not pay for your drink or meal then he's a self centered cheapskate. If he walks away from you (which has happened to me believe it or not), that means he doesn't like you and he's an abusive jagoff. If he walks you halfway to your car or just out the door, then shakes your hand and says good-bye, that means it's also done. If he has enough courtesy to walk you to your car and give you a hug, that's a good sign, but not a great one.

 

Watch what he says next. If he says he says "I had a good time, I will call you" that's a good sign. If he says something like "Best of luck" or "Have a nice night", that means he won't contact you again.

 

And then afterwards ... If you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the first get together (text or phone call), you will not hear from him again 95% of the time. He might call you a few days or a week later, you may even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to a second get together. And you will not hear from him again after the second get together.

 

Harsh rules? Facts are facts, accept them. You may say he's shy or whatnot, but a man who likes a woman does not need pushing or prodding, he's excited and can't wait to contact the woman he likes.

 

Haha yea yours is a lot more cut throat I think lol. 4 to 6 emails. I'm on pof. I went on a date last night with a guy and we have only been talking for two weeks. He calls regularly and I do think he asked for my number after about a few messages back and forth. He asked for a second date on the date. And he texted me this morning. So based off that one instance I can see your logic on quickly cutting those who don't fit that description. I am just not sure if it's fair to assess that just because he didn't ask after say the 6th email that he is not going to in a reasonable amount of time. Only reason I say that if I was a guy and I had 2 nights set to date a week and I am corresponding with girls online and maybe I already agreed to take two girls out already and a girl I find attractive messages me. I don't want to lose momentum with her because the dates may not pan out. So I talk to the girl who messages me but I don't ask her out cause I am already going on a date with two women before her. I feel like being that cut throats doesn't take that's reality in account. I don't want to be unrealistically restrictive but I don't want to foolishly waste my time. But I don't know I guess we shall see. I may adjust accordingly. Thank you for your response.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't call them harsh "rules" It is about facts. Never over look red flags....if it doesn't feel right, then it's not.

[phineas]

Oh come come now don't be so critical. Two of the guys I initiated contact. One of the guys I responded to him. I am mainly focused on the three and if I am not busy with work and whatnot i immediately respond really trying to get to know these guys. So is it really that one way and not genuine? These guys are more than likely corresponding with other women before me so I am giving guys time to ask me out past the site if they want to. Is that really a bad thing sal? Plus if they don't at a reasonable time frame (which I would like to know from you) I will end up eventually saying hey I would like to escalate this further what you think. So it's not like I'm just sitting back and doing absolutely nothing and then cut them off if they don't do my bidding. Interest is definitely out there. In a world of he's not that into you and the being a kid in a candy shop concept of online dating I don't really see how it's unreasonable for a woman who does show interest and give back interest when shown to expect a guy to simply say hey I want to go out with you lol. I mean am I wrong in thinking that men do what they want to do? That if a man is attracted to a woman and wants to go out with her he will simply ask her? Especially if she is showing interest in him? Anyhoo. We can agree to disagree on how rigid my methods are but I am still interested in knowing what's a reasonable time to give a guy to initiate asking for a number, actually calling, or asking on a date on his own. I look forward to your response.

 

how do you correspond?

Do you actually engage them in conversation and ask about them like they ask about you or do you respond with "yeah, hbu?" or "lol"

 

because I lose interest real fast in women who can't form complete sentences when talking to me online.

It's like they are putting in very little effort and it's a turn-off.

[BluEyeL]

Don't listen to the men who "lose interest" in whatever when women do x and y and z. It is indeed in your interest to drop me who don't ask you out.

 

When I was single and dating online, I did adhere to very "rigid" rules who helped me cut through all the crap and find someone great for me in the end. Couldn't care less about the guys who "lost interest" because I dropped them anyway and those who "lost interest" would have been nothing but a waste of time. Always happens. I look at my friends who are very "nice" while dating. Not really working out after years and years. Men take advantage of them and they ask what's wrong with me?

 

Whoever did not ask me out within about 7 email exchanges, I'd stop responding. Whoever made any sexual inuendo before meeting, I'd stop replying to. If we didn't have a date and time and place, we didn't have a date. I don't "hang out". If he didn't ask me out every week, he'd get dropped. If he pushed for sex at the first dates, he'd get dropped. And so on. In the end, the man who was truly interested showed up, did everything right, and we're getting married in a bit over a month. The rest are time wasters, still online.

[Shining One]

OP, only you can determine the thresholds that are acceptable to you. No matter what you choose, some people will consider it too short or too long. I have my own limits I impose on women and many consider me unreasonable. However, they yield the results I want, so it works for me.

 

My advice is to pick a time limit that seems reasonable to you and see how it works out for you. Adjust accordingly as you see fit. It's good to have guidelines, but some flexibility is important too.

[Curiousroxy86]

how do you correspond?

Do you actually engage them in conversation and ask about them like they ask about you or do you respond with "yeah, hbu?" or "lol"

 

because I lose interest real fast in women who can't form complete sentences when talking to me online.

It's like they are putting in very little effort and it's a turn-off.

 

I don't blame you and Yes we engage in actual conversation. Few things about the one worded. Do they lack personality or intelligence? Maybe. Not interested in you and killing time? Perhaps. Talking to so many at one time that they are not giving the full attention to you? Very possible. Or are they just be exasperated with old as we all can get? I say be the better conversationalist anyway and see if it turns around. I find when they start one worded but I don't respond that way and actual give humor or ask genuine questions about them they don't stay that way. But if they are one worded and you respond one worded then it will stay that way.

[Curiousroxy86]

Don't listen to the men who "lose interest" in whatever when women do x and y and z. It is indeed in your interest to drop me who don't ask you out.

 

When I was single and dating online, I did adhere to very "rigid" rules who helped me cut through all the crap and find someone great for me in the end. Couldn't care less about the guys who "lost interest" because I dropped them anyway and those who "lost interest" would have been nothing but a waste of time. Always happens. I look at my friends who are very "nice" while dating. Not really working out after years and years. Men take advantage of them and they ask what's wrong with me?

 

Whoever did not ask me out within about 7 email exchanges, I'd stop responding. Whoever made any sexual inuendo before meeting, I'd stop replying to. If we didn't have a date and time and place, we didn't have a date. I don't "hang out". If he didn't ask me out every week, he'd get dropped. If he pushed for sex at the first dates, he'd get dropped. And so on. In the end, the man who was truly interested showed up, did everything right, and we're getting married in a bit over a month. The rest are time wasters, still online.

 

Congratulations to your marriage hun! Yea I believe in healthy boundaries. I just want to make sure they are reasonable and not silly. Thank you for responding.

[Curiousroxy86]

OP, only you can determine the thresholds that are acceptable to you. No matter what you choose, some people will consider it too short or too long. I have my own limits I impose on women and many consider me unreasonable. However, they yield the results I want, so it works for me.

 

My advice is to pick a time limit that seems reasonable to you and see how it works out for you. Adjust accordingly as you see fit. It's good to have guidelines, but some flexibility is important too.

 

Ok thank you for that. But I am still interested in knowing what YOU think is a good time frame. It goes without saying that at the end I'm going to do what's best for me but I genuinely want to know what others thought was a good time frame. so what do you think is a good time frame for a guy to Ask for the number, call, ask for the date before she should ignore him totally when it comes to online dating?

[salparadise]

Don't listen to the men who "lose interest" in whatever when women do x and y and z. It is indeed in your interest to drop me who don't ask you out.

 

When I was single and dating online, I did adhere to very "rigid" rules who helped me cut through all the crap and find someone great for me in the end. Couldn't care less about the guys who "lost interest" because I dropped them anyway and those who "lost interest" would have been nothing but a waste of time. Always happens. I look at my friends who are very "nice" while dating. Not really working out after years and years. Men take advantage of them and they ask what's wrong with me?

 

Whoever did not ask me out within about 7 email exchanges, I'd stop responding. Whoever made any sexual inuendo before meeting, I'd stop replying to. If we didn't have a date and time and place, we didn't have a date. I don't "hang out". If he didn't ask me out every week, he'd get dropped. If he pushed for sex at the first dates, he'd get dropped. And so on. In the end, the man who was truly interested showed up, did everything right, and we're getting married in a bit over a month. The rest are time wasters, still online.

 

 

Makes me want to break every damn one of those rules... so I'd never be stuck that kind of negativity. I want to be with someone who is about warmth, kindness, understanding, cooperation. If someone turns out to have too much expectation, combined with a militant attitude about how a man is supposed to be... that's when I know it's time to say adios.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't really expect a complete stranger online to strongly pursue me. In fact, those that are very persistent based on just a profile are usually either desparate or just after sex.

 

I don't like to waste time with chit chat without meeting. So after a few messages (sometimes it's 3, other times it's 10 - depending on the flow of conversation), I will suggest a meeting. Usually I say "I prefer talking in person to online, would you like to meet up for a drink this week?" If he hesitates or makes excuses, I move on. Usually guys are thrilled with the suggestion.

 

My only few relationships that came from OLD, guys were very lukewarm before we met. They barely responded once in 3 days and I had to suggest we meet. Once we met, it's like a switch has been flipped and then they were in touch every day and properly asking me out.

[Shining One]

Ok thank you for that. But I am still interested in knowing what YOU think is a good time frame.

I'm afraid this is still an "it depends" answer. In one case, I asked a woman out the same day I first messaged her. In another case, I waited well over a month before asking her out. It all depended on the vibe I got from the woman. If I felt she was enthusiastic about getting to know me, I would ask her out quickly. If I felt she was being guarded and/or she gave indications she wanted to move slowly, I would wait a while.