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Unsupportive bf?

Fayella

By Fayella
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Fayella Member

Fayella

Posted
Posted (edited)

I was assaulted not long ago but there aren't any marks on me, just I hurt my leg. It shook me up and I rang the police, the police came and they asked if there was somewhere I could stay for the night. I did mention my boyfriend as he's the only person I can really go to but I was too scared to ring him because whenever I do ring him with problems he always acts annoyed with me but I thought I better do what the police said.

 

I rang him and how he spoke was confused and like he didn't believe it. I asked if he could come to me so he did but when he arrived I was clearly upset and tearful, he hardly said anything. We just sat there in silence and then he kept asking me questions about what happened but it was almost like he didn't quite believe it. He kept asking why I didn't drive to him as he was low on money for petrol and he needed it to last the week, I said I was sorry that I wasn't thinking straight and I should have drove to him. He said 'I came because I thought it was urgent' (but the way he said it was almost like he was saying it wasn't urgent and it was a waste of his journey)

 

I just feel like he doesn't support me the way I want him to when I need it. He always questions what I say and whenever I tell him something that someone has said to me that wasn't nice he'll say 'he/she didn't say that' 'that didn't happen'. If this is what he's like now then there's a chance he'll never change. He always seems like I'm bugging him when I ring him up for help. It's almost like he doesn't think I can make it on my own and I'm starting to think not to bother telling him when I have problems emotionally or if I just need help because he either never understands or won't think it's a big deal. What should I do?

Edited by Fayella
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted (edited)
I was assaulted not long ago but there aren't any marks on me, just I hurt my leg. It shook me up and I rang the police, the police came and they asked if there was somewhere I could stay for the night. I did mention my boyfriend as he's the only person I can really go to but I was too scared to ring him because whenever I do ring him with problems he always acts annoyed with me but I thought I better do what the police said.

 

I rang him and how he spoke was confused and like he didn't believe it. I asked if he could come to me so he did but when he arrived I was clearly upset and tearful, he hardly said anything. We just sat there in silence and then he kept asking me questions about what happened but it was almost like he didn't quite believe it. He kept asking why I didn't drive to him as he was low on money for petrol and he needed it to last the week, I said I was sorry that I wasn't thinking straight and I should have drove to him. He said 'I came because I thought it was urgent' (but the way he said it was almost like he was saying it wasn't urgent and it was a waste of his journey)

 

I just feel like he doesn't support me the way I want him to when I need it. He always questions what I say and whenever I tell him something that someone has said to me that wasn't nice he'll say 'he/she didn't say that' 'that didn't happen'. If this is what he's like now then there's a chance he'll never change. He always seems like I'm bugging him when I ring him up for help. It's almost like he doesn't think I can make it on my own and I'm starting to think not to bother telling him when I have problems emotionally or if I just need help because he either never understands or won't think it's a big deal. What should I do?

 

Word of advise here my child you need to look for a guy that respects you, and appreciates you. This one is not for you. Your giving him money right, I see what's going on here. You don't want to even call him up because you already know his answer is always in doubt. This is not a relationship, but this is a living hell!

Edited by coolheadal
  • Like 5
morrowrd Established Member

morrowrd

Posted
Posted

What exactly, are you getting out of this relationship?

  • Like 3
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Fayella Member

Fayella

Posted
  • Author
Posted
What exactly, are you getting out of this relationship?

 

He can be really sweet and kind, I do love him and sometimes he can reassure me when I'm worried. He does do a lot in terms of other things. But on the other side he doesn't like to be disturbed when I'm upset, he prefers me to be happy.

morrowrd Established Member

morrowrd

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not sure you know what a "good" relationship is, but being sweet and kind when things are good, and conditional with support and annoyed if called on in an emergency isn't anything to brag about.

 

Here's a heads-up. Being in a relationship is an investment - in each other. Not one person investing and the other taking. A relationship should IMPROVE your quality of life, should provide you with security and support - love and affection. Those four qualities are the basics of relationship benefits. A good relationship also helps you become a better person, each of you challenging or nurturing each other along in life.

 

Now look at the situation you described - there is zero security, you already knew he wasn't going to support you (which checks off half of the four basics). Sitting in your house complaining about gas money, instead of comforting you, and if there ever was a situation where one needed support, security, love and affection..this was it. Your "boyfriend" is one in name only. You can make all the excuses for him in the world but you're not in a relationship here. Everything here is very conditional. A waste of precious time in my opinion. Hell, you'd have been better off suffering alone and in silence than to have called this supposed boyfriend who just made you feel worse in the end.

Edited by morrowrd
  • Like 1
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
He can be really sweet and kind, I do love him and sometimes he can reassure me when I'm worried. He does do a lot in terms of other things. But on the other side he doesn't like to be disturbed when I'm upset, he prefers me to be happy.

 

You can't call your boyfriend when you have a problem because he gets annoyed with you? And you're dumping all your savings into a joint account at his request to buy a house with him when you can't even lean on him after being assaulted?!?!

 

You create a thread that speaks of doubt in your mind because clearly your gut is telling you something. When others tell you this is not how a loving and supportive relationship should be and confirm your fears, you then make excuses.

 

Along with your other thread, this guy isn't good for you. A partner that loves and supports you, doesn't TOLERATE you.

 

You need to wake up.

  • Like 2
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
But on the other side he doesn't like to be disturbed when I'm upset, he prefers me to be happy.

 

I'm sorry, but any guy who can't be bothered to come to care for you after you have been assaulted is not a good guy. That's terrible.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

In the face of an assault where you were injured a quality person -- friend, BF or family member -- should have been moving heaven & earth to get to you.

 

Your BF simply proved to you why he needs to be your EX-BF. Get rid of him. What's he gonna do, refuse to go pick up one of your future kids when they are sick because he's low on gas? Give me a break.

  • Like 4
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

This is the guy who wants you to put all of your savings into a joint account so that you can buy a house together and he is worried about spending a few dollars on gas?

  • Like 4
Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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Posted

This guy is an insensitive, selfish $h!£.

 

Dump his sorry @r$e and find a guy that really cares about you.

 

And the sooner the better.:eek:

 

I'm sorry x

coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

Posted
Posted
He can be really sweet and kind, I do love him and sometimes he can reassure me when I'm worried. He does do a lot in terms of other things. But on the other side he doesn't like to be disturbed when I'm upset, he prefers me to be happy.

 

How convenient for him to have such a good caring girl friend like you at his beck and call, but you can't disturbed his Royal Majesty when your upset. Does that sound right too you? Come now girl friend you know that he's just using for money support. Gas for his vehicle comments like that don't cut it in the real world my dear. Your were assaulted and what was he so concerned about not you but how much gas he had to waste over this. Your covering up what he does to you it's called denial you don't want to loose him because you feel there is no other than him to love like you love him so much.

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

I would end this relationship, and take back the savings he asked you put into that joint account to buy a house.

 

This isn't a guy you can count on and he's more worried about money than you.

 

Get rid.

LurkerXX Established Member

LurkerXX

Posted
Posted

Remove your portion of savings into your account. Do it now, before any break up.

  • Like 2
mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

I would walk away from this a******. Who acts like that when someone has been attacked?! Have a story for you to back this up - Years ago I was seeing someone for a flash, I told him about this whackjob who showed up at my apartment at midnight one night. The one who showed up I had had a few dates with a few weeks before, I decided I didn't want to pursue it any further and didn't return his phone calls. After not hearing from him after about two months I moved on. He then showed up in the middle of the night. I ran to neighbor's, fortunately there was a security lock on the front door and he could not come in unless someone buzzed him in. I called the police from the neighbor's, by the time they got there he was gone. End of story. When I told this guy about it, he said I failed in my martial arts training. I ended it then and there. He wanted me to go downstairs, put my, his and any potential witnesses in danger? ANd he was disappointed in me for this. I ended it then and there.

 

I would move on from this guy whoever he is. He's an ignorant fool.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

This is a narcissist....he is sweet when he wants something, and is annoyed when it doesn't benefit him in anyway....know the difference between true kindness and emotional manipulation. Trust me on this one he will never change. It's not you it's him...this is the way he is....a selfish jerk. Dump this chump my dear you will never regret it.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

This guy doesn't care about you and is just trying to use you for your money. You have to get out of this relationship. He's horrible!!!!!!!!

  • Like 1
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