travelgirl3 Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 I'm tired of getting hurt over and over again. Yet again, another guy is pulling a slow fade. We aren't official but he was giving big signs that we were going to be soon. He has barely contacted me in a week and he hasn't made plans to hang out. The last time we were together, which was last weekend, he kept mentioning that he doesn't think he satisfies me sexually. I'm not sure if this has something to do with his fading or not. Just when I think I've met someone great, he ends up leaving. The guy before him, who I was actually in a relationship with ghosted me after 3 months of dating and didn't even have the decency to break up with me. Maybe it's because I only meet guys through online dating and I'm falling for players..or just the wrong guys. I'm not big headed but I'm very kind, attractive and I have a lot to offer someone. I've been hurt so many times that I'm starting to feel hopeless. I'm honestly afraid to open up to someone. Many of my friends are married with kids and I'm 27 and single. Sorry, this is more of a rant. 1
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through this 3,5 years online before meeting my boyfriend. I have enough sad stories to fill a book. It's normal it's not going to work untill it does. You have to expect it will be difficult and there will be many disappointments. You go into it with no expectations and you never ever force it. If a guy wants to fade, let him. All you need to do is date guys and don't put any hope in it untill they ask you to be exclusive. Learn how to recognize men that are serious daters. If a guy is not constant in his actions, if he doesn't reply promptly, if you don't feel his interest than don't pursue just move to next. A man that is interested in you will talk about exclusive dating after a month or so. He'll want to see you often and he'll keep in touch with you. And lastly, don't be so quick to jump into bed with them. If you cannot have casual sex with no tomorrow than don't. 9
preraph Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Well, I'd think that would be up to you to judge whether he satisfies you in bed or not. Sounds like he's maybe too insecure about his sexuality to work on it with you and I mean, it's still early to get that intimate to want to start working on perfecting sex, though better to start early than too late. 1
carhill Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 To the title, once one accepts that change occurs in life and chooses not to hang one's hat on 'forever', these kinds of things seem to level out. Sure, some guys leave; in fact, looking at the entirety of life, many do. Some hang around. Sometimes it's not planned that way or known in advance, rather just happens. You wake up an old lady one day and there's this annoying guy in your bed that you just love like the dickens and he you. Or not. That's life! 2
OnlyHonesty Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 he kept mentioning that he doesn't think he satisfies me sexually. Was there any truth in that? and if not, did you reassure him it was not the case? 1
coolheadal Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 I'm tired of getting hurt over and over again. Yet again, another guy is pulling a slow fade. We aren't official but he was giving big signs that we were going to be soon. He has barely contacted me in a week and he hasn't made plans to hang out. The last time we were together, which was last weekend, he kept mentioning that he doesn't think he satisfies me sexually. I'm not sure if this has something to do with his fading or not. Just when I think I've met someone great, he ends up leaving. The guy before him, who I was actually in a relationship with ghosted me after 3 months of dating and didn't even have the decency to break up with me. Maybe it's because I only meet guys through online dating and I'm falling for players..or just the wrong guys. I'm not big headed but I'm very kind, attractive and I have a lot to offer someone. I've been hurt so many times that I'm starting to feel hopeless. I'm honestly afraid to open up to someone. Many of my friends are married with kids and I'm 27 and single. Sorry, this is more of a rant. Tell me something why in the world I you dating players. Why not look for men who are this type at all. You get what you select there are no refunds for your selection. You can't change these bad boys into something want more meaningful. 2
Maggie4 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 Nothing good in life comes without effort. This includes meeting the right person. When you date online, all you did was sit at a computer, type in a profile, browse like you're shopping. That's too easy! You didn't work for it. So you can pretty much expect the hard work to come later, when you go through a lot of bad dates and fades. One way or another, life always makes you work for the things that are worthwhile. 5
beauty0815 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 I know exactly what you're going through. I've too been a victim of the "disappearing act" after dating . And I'm currently going through it again but I finally figured out it's not me , it's them. I feel like in your situation he just made up an excuse as to why he didn't want to talk to you anymore , he may just have found someone else. If Youre not good enough for a decent conversation about how he's suddenly not interested anymore , then they're no longer worth yor time or energy so use the block button . Also I noticed that some men don't usually take online dating serious , even if it's a paid site . My friend met this guy on a paid dating site and they dated exclusively for 6 years , everything was going great until he up and disappeared one day. Contact just started to fade until it was no more. I mean she deserved a more concrete conclusion instead of a disappearance but hey some guys are good with communication and some run from it. I too date online and most of them end in the disappear act. I don't understand it either but don't let it get you down , it happens to a lot of people. It hurts but you must move on , even if you decide to focus on yourself those type of people don't deserve you . 1
peterso2 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 Cheer up OP :-) ... better days are ahead. I'm in a similar situation myself although as a guy slightly different, but its difficult and challenging nevertheless. Putting yourself out there and getting rejected over and over hurts, but once you find someone it will totally be worth it. You sound like a good person and I'm sure there is a guy out there who will be happy to be with you 3
Bastile Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 Yeah, people leave. I had a woman leave the country before things could really get going. All relationships have to end. He could reject you, you could reject him, or the man in the sky takes one of you from the other. We are all ships passing in the night. Try not to hold on to people too tight. Lovers and friends often go the opposite direction from which our ship is sailing... doubly so on something like Tinder Prioritize your own direction. Welcome the sight of new ships on the horizon. 4
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 I know just how you feel. I'm 42 and my whole adult life of dating these things have happened to me. If it makes you (or anyone else) reading this, all the men I have been with as an adult (I don't count high school and my college years) rebounded and married the next gal barely a year later. And that gal is usually a trashy ho who takes them to the cleaners and divorces them not long afterward. It's what it is. I have a lot to offer as well but they see me as crazy. What makes me really angry is when they dump me and many have said "I'm going to get another girlfriend", or even better "I know that since I can attract someone as good as you now, I know I can do EVEN BETTER." No really, they have. How cruel is that? But, like I said, it's what it is. 3
act00 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 (((Hug))) I've had a couple of dates that went exceptionally well. That drink extends into the evening with dinner or a walk or something else to do, and turns into a second date, and then <poof> gone. I've gone out with a couple of guys for 2-3 months, and found myself fully ghosted, and there was no indication that things were going wrong at all. It's normal for a relationship to "fade" to a more realistic level after the "hot phase" comes to an end, but you never saw it coming that he was just done. I recently went through this, and everything was going so well, I was completely blindsided by his total disappearing act. It really does make you gun-shy, but this is dating, and ghosting seems to be the norm. It really hurts, but there's no way to really predict who's going to work and who isn't, and there are a LOT of frogs. I guess when you have "pull back clues," you can kind of mentally prepare yourself for it, but you really can't stop investing or working at the relationship expecting every action to be indicative of a "slow fade," as you're selling yourself short if you're pulling back and he's not, KWIM? Hang in there. 2
DontBreakEven Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 Awe. Please just know that you are not alone. It happens to the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest, the most charming, most successful of people. Over and over and over again. I like the post on here that says you just need to keep trying. I'm right with ya. Just gotta keep our heads up until the right one comes along. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 (edited) Maybe try not giving sex....for how long? I dunno... But if you say you had sex with him, but you weren't official, then id imagine it wasn't that long... Despite the myth women have been sold. if a guy really likes a woman, he wont bail if he doesn't get laid right away....I think some women see this two ways...They feel like they don't bring enough to the table so they better put out to keep a guy interested..Or if they don't, another woman would, so they better stay in the game... I'm obviously not a woman, so I don't know the real mindset, just offering an opinion....There is some truth to the statement that something that comes easy has little value...Sometimes anyway... And at the risk of stating the obvious, many guys will entertain(and bs) ANY woman that is willing to give them the time of day....So if they sense you are an easy mark as far as sex goes, he could really dislike you, yet still play along...So if you are a woman seeking a relationship, then your BS meter needs to be pretty sharp.. Oh, and don't buy the " I couldn't satisfy you sexually" line...that's just another "its not you its me" garbage... PS, I know there will be women chiming in saying they met the man or their dreams and slept with him the first time they met and have been happy ever since...I get it...It happens... TFY Edited June 5, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 2
The Urbanyst Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 I know just how you feel. I'm 42 and my whole adult life of dating these things have happened to me. If it makes you (or anyone else) reading this, all the men I have been with as an adult (I don't count high school and my college years) rebounded and married the next gal barely a year later. And that gal is usually a trashy ho who takes them to the cleaners and divorces them not long afterward. It's what it is. I have a lot to offer as well but they see me as crazy. What makes me really angry is when they dump me and many have said "I'm going to get another girlfriend", or even better "I know that since I can attract someone as good as you now, I know I can do EVEN BETTER." No really, they have. How cruel is that? But, like I said, it's what it is. The bad girls are no good and the good girls are no fun! I'm assuming the same problem exists for women.
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