Did I do the right thing??

[Summer Rain]

Okay, so where do I begin...

 

When I was like 11 I met this guy and we became best friends...his auntie is my mom's best friend so he knows my family and I know his family...We have always been quite close despite the distance that separates us...he is two provinces away..So as we go older he came out a couple of times and we visited...this one time things happened between us and I believe we kissed (if my memory serves me right!) and after that he told me he would move so we could be together...now this guy is great...he's one of those guys to me who knows me and still loves me....he can always make me laugh regardless of how crappy I am feeling...and if he doesn't make me laugh, he gets me to talk about what is bothering me...So the year we both graduated I knew he liked me and wanted a relationship from me..but I got scared and I ran...I got scared of what I was feeling for him and I didn't want to wreck our friendship because our friendship is something great!

 

After my grad I started dating a guy ... and this guy was my life...he meant the world to me...I would do anything and everything for him...even through the bad times b/c that is what people do for each other. This guy and I had many bad times, yet we had our good times...I could tell endless stories of the bad times....I remember the nights he'd leave me to go and drink...He'd stay out w/ his friends and come home in the early morning....I remember the nights he'd come home and puke or come home and start yelling at me...I remember the times he accused me of cheating on him...I remember the times he wasn't there for me and I had to deal with things by myself...I remember the disappoints and the heartache...I remember staying up all night because I couldn't sleep without him...and when he did those things I'd always forgive him and thought things would change...because I know people can change...and I write him endless letters telling him how upset I was and how angry I was because of what he was doing...and I hoped and prayed things would change....But things never really did...when I'd get home from work and he wasn't there I always knew he was out drinking - it was just a gut feeling I had...so eventually in all of this craziness I stopped caring about his drinking....I stopped wondering where he was and when he was going to come home...I moved out and into my cousins house and eventually got my own apartment a couple of weeks ago. Now, don't get me wrong, we've had good times too....he doesn't mean to hurt anyone and I know he tried to make me happy and love the best way HE knew how...and I came to the conclusion a bit ago that when he went out to drink his drinking was never about me...it was about him and how he couldn't handle things...

 

So me and my friend always stayed in touch...we'd e-mail each other to tell one other we loved each other...but it was just a friendship thing....and then one day it hit...I loved him as more than a friend....and so I wrote him an e-mail and I eventually phoned him..well, he told me he loved me too and how he wished I was there...but he is with someone and so was I....So despite our love for each other, nothing happened...but that didn't stop me from thinking about him...

 

So eventually me and my guy broke up = just a couple of days ago....Yeah, I was with him and I was in love with someone else and what a crappy feeling that is....I don't want to hurt anyone....that isn't my intention...I feel horrible for breaking up w/ him but I couldn't handle it anymore - the drinking, the friends, everyone else more important than me...I don't want a life like that...but yet I feel so guilty b/c I'm in love w/ someone else...I don't want my guy to do anything stupid or what not b/c he really is a good guy...he just has some issues.....now me and my friend, well we are still friends.....who knows what might happen in the future...I feel so guilty about everything but when I talk to him, I don't feel like that, I just feel content when talking to him...so I am not really sure if I should feel guilty b/c of the way things were and I couldn't deal with it anymore....

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy I'm out...I get to find out who I am once again..I am just really confused...even though I'm frustrated, I'm still kinda heart broken - I was with him for 5 years...and I did love him....I just wasn't in love with him in the end. I guess I just never thought things would end this way...

 

So my questions....should I be feeling guilty? Did I do the right thing by ending it? Should I pursue a relationship w/ my friend? AHHH! I don't know what to do.....

[Mr.positive]

no feeling guilty won't help anything. I think you did the right thing but I also didn't here both sides of the story.

If you have that strong of feelings for him, I would go for it. You'll regret it if you don't.