aurora19 Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 Ok, here is the situation. About two months ago my fiancee and I mutually ended our engagement. It has been difficult some days, but for the most part it's what we wanted and it's defintley for the best. We're still friends and we care deeply for each other, but we realized we were not "in love" with each other anymore and were doing the marriage thing for the wrong reasons. So almost as soon as the engagement ended I starting seeing an old flame. This guy and I had been on and off for 8 years. College, youth and distance were the main reasons we did not stay together the whole 8 years. We always kept in contact and in our hearts we felt we were meant to be and would eventually be married. While he was away at college, I met another guy and we had a very up and down relationship during the whole time he was away. When there was a break-up and the old flame was back for the holidays or summer we would be together, but something happened last summer between the other guy and I to make us believe we really were in love and ready to get serious. He moved in and then proposed and I was certain, for the most part, that I was really happy. I knew I would always think about the old flame, but I felt I had grown up and away from what we had. This was reality and he somehow felt like a fantasy. Anyways as the months passed I realized that what I had with the fiancee was nothing more than "comfort" and "security" and I could not stop thinking about the old flame. We still kept in contact, but he was very angry at me for continually going forward with the wedding no matter how many doubts I had. He knew I still loved him, but gave up on him b/c I was trying to "grow up" and he was far from doing that. I thought I was making the "right" choice by being with my fiancee, but things got progressively worse and thankfully we ended it b/f it went too far. So there I was without the fiancee and the ex flame had permantley moved back and began his career. It just felt like fate to us, so boom bam we began dating without any hesitation. Now we are starting to run into the bumps. At first it went so well, but now we have encountered the reality. We are finally faced with the "what ifs", after all the talk now we are living it and I think we are both so scared about that. I know still when I look at him that he feels like the one and we have successfully gotten through most of the bumps, but he is still confusing me. He says he does not want to rush, meaning we should date and see where it goes, not call each other "boyfriend/girlfriend" and I feel the same b/c well damn I just ended an engagement, I need time and I think that is why he brought it up. BUT he does not want me to see anyone else (and of course the same goes for him). My problem with this is well #1 maybe this is too soon, i do not want to be disilluding myself and not deal properly with the pain of my breakup and i do need time for me. the "idea" of us is great, but this is for real and i need to treat it that way. #2 I am technically single again adn should i not be aloud to see other guys? i know he is it in a lot of ways, but i am still not 100%. he is super busy in his life, i think now that i am free and single and he is barely around why should i not enjoy being single again. i do not intend to get serious with anyone, but i would like the option to "hang out" with other guys, just in case this thing blows up in my face or quite frankly to just have fun. I tried to tell him this, but he blew up. Ok, so if he does not want me to date other guys, but doesn't want to call me his girlfriend, is that fair? I am not even that interested in anyone, but the whole thing confuses me and makes me feel like I went from one serious thing to another. I have a guy friend that in the past we have had our fun and he has invited me to a little vacation. I don't even know for sure if anything would happen b/c it's with friends and we don't always have "our fun" when we see each other, but if it does I do not want to feel guilty. I would never get serious with this guy b/c he lives far away and well it just isn't meant to be, but I'd like to get away and blow of some stem. Is that wrong? If my new man doesn't want me to see other guys at all I know I should respect him, but damn I am confused. I know I am falling for him, but I do not feel emotionally ready. I am afraid if I tell him I want to go hang with this guy and whatever happens happens, that he will never see me again, I do not want to risk that. what to do?
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