Defenseless Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Maybe somebody here can help explain what exactly I did wrong... Today my girlfriend of 2.5 years and I went to visit two of my friends. The friends are housesitting and so we drove about 50 minutes to go see them. For the last three days I explained to my girlfriend that we were gonna go visit them, however, they wanted us to stay over and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that. The day came today and we arrived at 6pm. We packed an overnight bag "just in case". On the drive over, I reiterated that I wasn't sure if we'd stay over night. I told our kind hostesses the same. Brief background, these two hostesses like to stay up all night and have some drinks. I, on the other hand, am at the age where I can't drink all night and my girlfriend tends to fall asleep at about 9:30pm every night. We're mild people. 10:30/11pm rolls in and my girlfriend passes out on the couch. The hostesses and I play some card games until 3am. By the end of it, I'm not feeling too well (due to the mixed drink I had hours earlier), I'm completely sober, and I decide I'd like to go home and sleep in my own bed. My girlfriend wakes up out of dead sleep and keeps inserting herself into the conversation; she wants to stay over. I insist we leave so that our hostesses can go to bed without having to worry about accommodating us. We're 50 minutes away from home. Not a big deal. My girlfriend puts her shoes on and from across the room she's texting me "This is stupid. I wanted to stay over." We hug our hostesses goodbye and go to the car. My girlfriend proceeds to argue with me for the first 3 minutes of our drive home. Calling this 50 minute away trip "a vacation" "it feels like I was on vacation"... again, she was only awake for 5 hours, but okay. She doesn't talk to me the whole drive home except to say "how much longer??" We get home 50 minutes later and she refuses to come upstairs to go to bed. She claims she can "feel the alcohol" in her stomach and she needs to "sleep sitting up". Can someone explain how I messed up so heavily? I didn't ask her to drive, all she had to do was walk to the car and fall asleep until we got home.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 At 3 a.m. after you had been drinking, getting in the car to drive home was dangerous. Sleepy driving is as dangerous as drunk driving. Your GF wanted to sleep & you disrupted her sleep pattern because you couldn't lie down for 4-5 hours & then go home after breakfast. Had you gone home at 11 pm, OK fine, sleep in your own bed. The wee hours of the morning made your choice bad. I would have been annoyed with you too. 2
somanymistakes Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 She had already crashed, it's very uncomfortable at that point to be dragged out on an hour's drive. You guys had an overnight bag and at the point where she crashed out she assumed she was in a safe place to sleep for the night. And you know she likes to be in bed by that point! That doesn't make you the worst person in the world, assuming you really were awake and sober enough to drive, but it's not much fun for her so of course she'd be grumpy about it.
preraph Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Where you screwed was not deciding ahead of time when to leave and come home. That simple. If you had, and told your friends and your girlfriend, none of this would have happened. As an addendum I will just say that I think you need to trot your girlfriend out for a drink or a weekend away once in awhile because she seized onto this as if she was really bored and needed the change.
spiderowl Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 She was settled and would just rather have gone to bed and slept over. It was an exciting trip out of her humdrum life and she felt like it was a holiday. It sounds as though you didn't give her a choice or discuss it with her as something that you mutually agree on. She had to go home with you or presumably be left stranded with her friends. Do you not think it was worth discussing this with her beforehand if you were dead set against staying over? Do you and your girlfriend ever go away or do anything different so that she feels she is on vacation? For what it's worth, I can understand your point of view too.
Mr Scorpio Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 Can someone explain how I messed up so heavily? I didn't ask her to drive, all she had to do was walk to the car and fall asleep until we got home. You didn't. She got woken up out of her circadian rhythm and had to restart it in the car and then again at home. The "sleep sitting up" is her way of being a cantankerous curmudgeon over a small incident. That being said, the gentlemanly/smart/chivalrous thing would have been to let your beloved sleep. You messed up. But not heavily. 1
Author Defenseless Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 A few things to note: I wasn't tired. I work the night shift, she works the day shift. So I'm up and wide awake at night as it is. I certainly wasn't drunk! I stopped drinking at 8pm. I only had 2 drinks at 6pm and again at 7pm. We did talk about *not* staying over. The overnight bag was a "just in case" bag. These are my friends, so I wouldn't have just left her there. I would hope she's not starved for an "away" trip as 2 weeks ago I drove us 6 hours (one way) to Rochester, to get away for 3 days. Last weekend she drove to Pennsylvania (4 hours) to visit her friends for a weekend away. I couldn't go because of work. I do understand waking someone up and dragging them on a 50 minute car ride, however, she had a 4 and a half hour nap before I even woke her up. The night was kind of a drag because nobody wanted to talk too loud and wake her up. But I do get why she'd be irked because of waking her out of sleep. Not much of a vacation away if she spent the majority of it sleeping lol. It also stands to mention that I wanted to get home because we had to move furniture from our basement to our garage because we were selling it to some folks who were swinging by to get it in the morning (per my girlfriend's scheduling). I didn't want to run the risk of missing the people stopping by, by oversleeping at someone else's house. Not an excuse, but just another side of the story. Thank you all for shedding a little clearer light on the situation, though.
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