Current Struggles with my Ex!

[Jimmy P]

Hello Everyone you guys can call me J reading most of these threads and listening to the advice that some users gave to the op made me realize that I'm not alone. I never thought I would be the one posting on here I find myself typing out my situation. Giving u guys a brief introduction to the situation, I'm currently 20 years old and my ex is one year behind me, the relationship lasted 3 years with myself breaking up with her after the first five months,then five months later she texts me again and we end up dating for the next 2 years or so. I was her first and she was my first in many different areas as well. The relationship started in highschool and continued thru college, we were luckily we went to the same college so we got to continue the relationship. She was from another high school from another district, when I started to date her I introduced her to my friends and they loved her, i brought her to parties and the girls in our class loved her so next thing u know it shes basically friends with everyone at our school, I even introduced her to her current bestfriend. I basically set her up with a new set of friends all bc she was dating me. It was like a scene from a movie, someone new comes in and all of a sudden everyone likes them. My ex-was nothing like any of her friends and she was nothing like my friends. To me I felt like I was looking at someone that was exactly like me but in a girl form, she smoked, drank, was adventurous and risky. everything a teenage boy could ask for. After the first year of college it was rough, we were both were packed with school and trying to make news friends and dealing with each other going out was rough for the both of us. Being a worried person but not crazy I would always be worried whenever she went out but I respected her boundaries and trusted her. She got worried about me when I went out that it made me feel nice knowing she still cared by worrying. MY ex is caring and thoughtful person, she was worried about me cheating on her as much as I was worried about her cheating on me. The second year of college was harder, she started to act different and her head was more worried about getting her perfect 4.0 that she got mad when I asked her to hangout. Then when we would hangout she would complain that shes wasting her time and she should be studying. Shes have been working to transfer to another school which her best friend has been attending. I know girls always tell there best friends what is going on so I decided to snoop on her phone and what I would find still shocks me six months to this day. I found her best friend asking her " when are u going to break up with him" "are you going to date until u leave next summer" and being so shocked I kind of forget what my ex-said but I think it went along the lines of Ill do it when its right or idk. this was 3-4 months before we broke up( FYI I should have broken up with her then, it would make things way easier for me) Being super ignorant I kind of ignored it cause I knew we would have to end things once summer ended and she had to transfer schools but i lover her so i put that behind me. I know her and I know she's starting to get stressed about getting her 4.0 but she still had feelings for me. Heading into winter break, we were back home so we had more freedom to do what we want. Exactly like we used to do back in hs. Then a week before Christmas after a normal date, we hang out to get food and head back to my house, everything is normal besides after we have sex she gets dressed which is weird cause we would normally cuddle after. I think nothing of it so I go to take her back home then she stops me in front of her house and tells me she thinks we should break up. Being myself it felt sort of unreal that she just broke up with me in front of her house. Giving some more background information my ex and I never communicated well about our feelings bc most of the time we were on the same page and we never had arguements, the times we weren't on the same page was towards the last year we were together, the times it mattered to communicate. Anyways I didn't follow the no contact rule I continued to text her weeks after, then I decided that it was time to stop bugging her. It's hard cause I know she didn't want to lose me as a friend so she would text me at least every two weeks asking how have I've been. On new years and valentines day she texted me saying it felt weird not being with me, it was hard replying to that. After winter break ended we go back to college mind u we both go to the same college and our apartments are right across the street from each other like our rooms were on the exact same side as each other so I knew exactly where she was. It was hard walking by her from school or seeing her walking down the street, there were times where I would have to walk the other way cause it was the second time I awkwardly saw her that day, she was friendly but that glow in her eyes when she saw me was gone. That look on her face that natural smile when she would see me was gone. That semester for me was rough, I tried meeting other girls but they just weren't my ex, I hooked up with them thinking they would make me forget but it didnt work. My ex and i did have some meaningless hooks that lead me to believe that I would start to see her again. But I was wrong after those times she said we should only be friends. MY ex is friendly and wants to be friends with me and hang out with me but shes very clear she just wants to be friends but my problem is its been six months since the breakup but i still have feelings for her. I know we can't date bc we both have college, but i still like her. Fast forward to the end of May We hung out last week we sat in my car catching up talking about what we are both up to. This was hard for me cause this is the first time seeing her since we last hooked up a couple months ago. Its hard accepting that she just wants to be friends. When she broke up with me it started to make me think if she was just using me or just dating me cause it was convenient for the both of us. IT sucks cause the way shes been treating this break up make it seems like she didnt have any feelings for me and she was only dating me cause it was convenient for her. I hate thinking this hopefully someone will prove to me that im wrong... All of this is just a story because the real trouble for me is her wanting to be friends with me. Going over the fact that she's friends with the guys and girls I hang out with, it means it's impossible for us to hang out in groups. I still have feelings and want to be able to express them with her but on her hand she justs wants us to be friends and doesn't want to hook up with her ex. Is created this awkwardness to the point where i feel like my friends and the girls I hang with are going to chose her over me which is sad because without me she wouldn't be friends with these people if we didn't date but that's not the point. Its what I do now that I'm confused on. Last night I couldn't hold my feelings so I texted her how I felt and she just replied with now I made things really weird between us and now isnt replying. I had to express to her that I still have feelings but I know she just wants to be friends, now that I created this weirdness between us bc I told her I still have feelings sucks bc it hurts to think about us not being the same. I know she's been pushing to be friends because we have the same friend group and everyone knows us as that couple but now things are going to be even weirder cause I feel like the only way for her to feel comfortable now is to exclude me from the activities that we would always do together. Now that its summer and everyone is starting to come back home things are getting rough for me cause i know things are going to get even tougher for me to deal with. As a group we would all hang out together at least three times a week if not more. If your still reading this I appreciate u sticking with this all I ask for is some support and ur best thoughts on this situation, I probably left a lot of details out because of the length but the main situation is the fact that I still care for my ex and the fact that this summer is going to be tough watching my ex-hang out with all my friends or me hanging out with all my friends and having my ex be there and me not being able to do anything about it, personally I cant figure out which is worse. Thank you for those who took the time to reply and read this. -J

[Mittens]

Yeah you need to break it up into paragraphs...no one is going to read a solid wall of text.

[preraph]

We see this in reverse all the time: A guy breaks up with a long-term gf but she can't let go, so he takes advantage of it and has sex with her and yet remains free to date other women.

 

So this is where you wanting her back has gotten you. She's got her cake and eating it too. She has lost nothing of you, but you have lost all of her plus have to be tortured seeing her around with other guys. She has sacrificed NOTHING from this breakup, and that, my friend is YOUR fault.

 

You have got to go no contact with her as best you can seeing her around campus. Block her from all social media, block her from your phone and text. Do not let her go out starting her new dating life while keeping you tethered to her like a safety buoy. What POSSIBLE incentive could she have to come back? She's lost nothing and gained her freedom.

 

So block her all the way, do not spy on her social media. Try to forget about her. Tell her to piss off is she approaches you on campus. Tell her you don't want any contact with her. In fact, text her that "I don't want any further contact with you. I'm moving on." right before you block her.

 

You'll find some new friends and some may follow you instead of her. Not your main issue here. Stop being her ragdoll.