Did I do the right thing?

June 2, 2017

Ok I have seen this girl few times, and every time we see we cuddle, kiss, my hand were in her pants etc. We texted alot and then suddenly she went cold. We texted only few texts a day and I lost my hope on her. I stalked her social media and noticed that her ex crush who did hurt her previously, was back in the game.

Didn't send her messages until she texted me that she wants to see me. Two days we did spend all day together, cuddled and kissed and she introduced me to her friends. I noticed that she was texting someone during that and i know it was her ex. After she had to go, we hugged and kissed.

She was cold again and I know her ex was mad at her because she was with me. After few days I asked what is going on and should I date someone else because this is going like this. She told me that she doesnt know how she feels. I told her that if you dont know how you feel, im not going to waste my time on you.

Did I do the right thing? Should I move on? Will she come back to me?

I have not contacted her since and wont until she makes the move. I just hope this thing is not completely over because I like this girl very much.

June 2, 2017

Move on. You deserve nothing less than someone who knows they want to be with you.

June 2, 2017

Move on. You deserve nothing less than someone who knows they want to be with you.

But what if in few weeks she texts me and wants to see me again? Should I say no thanks? Because if she will, im 100% sure thats just because its not going well with the other guy.

I think I cant refuse if she wants to see me but I hope she has lost interest and will not contact. Hard to believe in that tho after all those kisses.

June 2, 2017

She is really hoping for her ex to come back full time - and your plan B - or a nice distraction for her longing.

Yes you should dump her - but - my view is if you start playing her - Frankly being more hard to get - alpha male - acting superior - maybe saying you are seeing some else as well and that other woman is amazing - treating her as a bit "less than"... she might step it up. I can tell you being nice and accommodating will get you know where with this one - which brings me back to you should dump her.

June 2, 2017

She is really hoping for her ex to come back full time - and your plan B - or a nice distraction for her longing.

Yes you should dump her - but - my view is if you start playing her - Frankly being more hard to get - alpha male - acting superior - maybe saying you are seeing some else as well and that other woman is amazing - treating her as a bit "less than"... she might step it up. I can tell you being nice and accommodating will get you know where with this one - which brings me back to you should dump her.

I already kinda dumbed her by telling her that if you don't know, that's it.

Her responses was something like ''allright...'' ''sigh'' ''yeah''.

Don't know if that was BETA or ALPHA move but I think that was the only way I could feel my own value again.

I hope I didnt close the doors completely with this, because i would really like to play with her, like you said.

June 2, 2017

She was cold again and I know her ex was mad at her because she was with me. After few days I asked what is going on and should I date someone else because this is going like this. She told me that she doesnt know how she feels. I told her that if you dont know how you feel, im not going to waste my time on you.

Did I do the right thing? Should I move on? Will she come back to me?
I have not contacted her since and wont until she makes the move. I just hope this thing is not completely over because I like this girl very much.

I love that you took control and said straight up "I'm not going to waste my time on you"

That puts the ball in her court and if she is interested she will let you know. As it seems she hasn't replied or reached out, i would move on. I know its so hard, trust me i know. I hate having to start over again. But if someone isn't giving you 100% it's not worth your investment.

June 2, 2017

And yeah as im writing this, I can see her spending time with this other dude I was talking about. Im glad that I stopped texting her completely. If im not her number one priority, shes not mine. I hope she will see me in different light after she realizes I don't care anymore if she texts me or not.

I just keep thinking what is so wrong with me. IMO I even look better than this other dude. What if she didn't have such a strong crush on him, would she take me? You can't have a crush on someone else if you already have a strong crush on someone right?

I don't know what should I think right now, it's burning inside of me. I just want to hit my head on the wall. Always something like this happens when I start to like someone ffs...

edit: maybe he just have a bigger dick than I do lmao

Edited June 2, 2017 by grazyexes

June 2, 2017

I mean, maybe he does, some girls care about that. From my experiences they they don't. But maybe someone could have two crushes.

Also it's not always about looks. Personality and experiences and attachment play a part into it. Unless it was a bad break up and the person did something really bad to warrant a break up, people tend to still have some kind of feelings for the other person whether it's as friends or romantically.

But you are still rather new to each other and it seemed to be physical a few times rather quick, it doesn't seem an intellectual and emotional connection was established.

June 2, 2017

I love that you took control and said straight up "I'm not going to waste my time on you"

That puts the ball in her court and if she is interested she will let you know. As it seems she hasn't replied or reached out, i would move on. I know its so hard, trust me i know. I hate having to start over again. But if someone isn't giving you 100% it's not worth your investment.

That's exactly what im going through right now. It takes so much time and hard work to find someone I can like as much as this girl. This same thing happened earlier this year with different girl, and back then I was thinking I will never find someone as good as her. Right now I think this girl is even better and feels like I just lost the game.

June 2, 2017

If she does, in the future, call you....your only question is..."is the ex still in the picture?" if she says anything other than no and never will be.....tell her "have fun with that"...and move on.

June 2, 2017

I think you did the right thing. If, as you say, you are interested in "playing" with her, when she comes back because she will, she's like a boomerang, tell her you are up for FWB but that you can't date her. You really can't because you will never be anything more than rebound plan b.

June 2, 2017

She has a crush on her ex and there will be an emotional attachment. Until that has faded, you will always be the one on the sidelines. I think you did the right thing by telling her you would not hang around but I hope you did it in a caring way. It is important to have boundaries but also important to show you do care.

What will she do? Well, she hasn't reached out so far, but you have made it clear you don't want wishy-washy. She knows that if she wants you, her heart will have to be in it. She also knows she needs to deal with the crush on her ex once and for all.

I would go about your life and try to forget her for the moment. If she has become at all attached to you, you will start to hear from her. If you hear nothing, she is still entangled with her ex. You've done exactly the right thing. There was nothing to be gained by hanging around like a sad puppy.

June 3, 2017

She has a crush on her ex and there will be an emotional attachment. Until that has faded, you will always be the one on the sidelines. I think you did the right thing by telling her you would not hang around but I hope you did it in a caring way. It is important to have boundaries but also important to show you do care.

What will she do? Well, she hasn't reached out so far, but you have made it clear you don't want wishy-washy. She knows that if she wants you, her heart will have to be in it. She also knows she needs to deal with the crush on her ex once and for all.

I would go about your life and try to forget her for the moment. If she has become at all attached to you, you will start to hear from her. If you hear nothing, she is still entangled with her ex. You've done exactly the right thing. There was nothing to be gained by hanging around like a sad puppy.

Yeah that's right. When I was hanging around and trying to get her, I felt like low value, desperate, clingy BETA bag full of ****. I don't know if my value will ever go back to where it used to be where she wanted me, but I didn't want her.

Telling her im not wasting my time, and going completely no contact was my only hope to get my value back. Atleast I hope it's not too late and ALPHA behavior needs to be very strong, if she ever contacts me again.

June 3, 2017

Yeah little update, she seems to be "in love" with him atm. I didn't even have a chance at any point. I was used. I was used as a tool. Tool which could make her man jealous, heal her wounds caused by the relationship game he plays, making her feel wanted when he didn't do that.

It hurts to think that few months ago, she was the one who did chase me. We cut contact because I wasnt interested and had someone else in my life. When I came back I was in the middle of the battlefield. Lost my value with stupid BETA moves. Took the "backup" role and didn't even know that. More BETA moves cause i was confused she wasnt acting the same anymore.

So basically I came back on completely wrong time.

I don't know if its even possible to have any kind of relationship with her ever again, where I can feel myself as a man and not as objective.

Im thinking way too much when the only thing to do right now is to ****ing move on and forget her completely.

June 3, 2017

There is no point seeing this as a battle between alpha and beta or having value or not. Some relationships just don't work out because there are other factors involved. People have unconscious needs (hers for her ex) and they try to overcome them (in this case by dating someone else). I am sorry you were badly affected by this but none of it is a reflection on your value. She would not have chased you in the first place, had she not liked you very much. She just happens to have already been hooked unconsciously. Until that unconscious hook is removed, she is vulnerable to him and not really in charge of her own fate either.

Instead of wondering what you did wrong, just decide to learn from it and love with an open heart in future. There is no magic way to avoid heartbreak. There have been plenty of guy 'players' on here who have ended up burned. We are all vulnerable to being hurt.

June 3, 2017

There is no point seeing this as a battle between alpha and beta or having value or not. Some relationships just don't work out because there are other factors involved. People have unconscious needs (hers for her ex) and they try to overcome them (in this case by dating someone else). I am sorry you were badly affected by this but none of it is a reflection on your value. She would not have chased you in the first place, had she not liked you very much. She just happens to have already been hooked unconsciously. Until that unconscious hook is removed, she is vulnerable to him and not really in charge of her own fate either.

Instead of wondering what you did wrong, just decide to learn from it and love with an open heart in future. There is no magic way to avoid heartbreak. There have been plenty of guy 'players' on here who have ended up burned. We are all vulnerable to being hurt.

Beautiful words really, thank you.

June 5, 2017

And now, they are officially in a relationship. FML

Just can't get over the fact that only one week ago we were kissing and **** and now they are in a serious relationship i mean what the ****

Edited June 5, 2017 by grazyexes

June 14, 2017

I dated, kissed and ****ed this girl few times, while her heart and mind was somewhere else. When this other dude finally showed her green light, she rejected me.

If she ever contacts me again when her lover hurts her again, should I just ignore her or tell her straight to **** off. Trying again doesn't seem to be an option ever im just way too angry right now to think that would happen.

edit. so yeah she and this other guy have had some kind of past together

June 14, 2017

I dated, kissed and ****ed this girl few times, while her heart and mind was somewhere else. When this other dude finally showed her green light, she rejected me.
If she ever contacts me again when her lover hurts her again, should I just ignore her or tell her straight to **** off. Trying again doesn't seem to be an option ever im just way too angry right now to think that would happen.

edit. so yeah she and this other guy have had some kind of past together

Maybe the other guy makes love to her instead of just ****ing her.

June 14, 2017

Is this the same girl you posted about a few days ago? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/625745-did-i-do-right-thing

Sadly you were a rebound / time filler while she waited for him. It had very little to do with you but you got hurt.

Try to put her out of your mind. You are right to be done with her.

June 14, 2017

Is this the same girl you posted about a few days ago? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/625745-did-i-do-right-thing

Sadly you were a rebound / time filler while she waited for him. It had very little to do with you but you got hurt.

Try to put her out of your mind. You are right to be done with her.

yeah same girl. You are right I should just stop worrying what happened and move on she doesnt deserve me.

Edited June 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

June 14, 2017

I applaud the sentiment but can't hit "like" because of your derogatory language. I know you are hurting & have used derogatory language to help myself get over somebody in the past. I used to refer to an EX as D!ckhead until a colleague suggested that was crass & I should call him Richard Cranium instead. I almost peed my pants laughing when my colleague met my EX & asked "Is this Richard?" My EX's name is something else; the dumbfounded look on his face was priceless.

June 14, 2017

Lol. You are a bit foul-mouthed. I'm not one who gets my feeling hurt over something posted on the Internet, but I guess you had to vent in an angry manner.

June 14, 2017

I applaud the sentiment but can't hit "like" because of your derogatory language. I know you are hurting & have used derogatory language to help myself get over somebody in the past. I used to refer to an EX as D!ckhead until a colleague suggested that was crass & I should call him Richard Cranium instead. I almost peed my pants laughing when my colleague met my EX & asked "Is this Richard?" My EX's name is something else; the dumbfounded look on his face was priceless.

Hahaha no way that is friking hilarious :lmao:

June 14, 2017

Lol. You are a bit foul-mouthed. I'm not one who gets my feeling hurt over something posted on the Internet, but I guess you had to vent in an angry manner.

Didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings, but this is just my way of dealing with pain.

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