Long: Boyfriend's depression, strain of LDR, and staying "friends" - advice?

[Sharee]

Just trying to figure out if this all stems from the divorce. If maybe he was hung up on his ex wife. He says he went to rehab a couple of times while he was married for Vicodin addiction.

With bouts of amnesia when he is drinking I figure he must be still mixing something with it.

[Mary3]

Alot of emotional baggage can be carried over into the next relationship.

 

What makes you think he is not over his x wife ?

[Sharee]

Well - when we first started dating he would talk about her - how she was a very good high paid vindictive lawyer. He would say random stuff like - she talks french in her sleep (she is french Canadian) but then later I find she moved to the US at age 6 so its not like she was there a long time so I thought that was weird - just little stuff that made me very insecure and I said I dont want to hear about her but would always be jealous that maybe he did wish he was still with her. - He always denied it. I fought a lot with him about that. They also have a kid together and I have never dealt with this situation which made it even worse to me that she is still in his life. I don't mean to sound immature - I am just being honest. They have been separated for a year and legally divorced for 7 months. I met him a month after the divorce was final - we were together a tumultous 8 months.

[Mary3]

When you have a child together thats a common bond and fact of life.

 

Hard to break that bond .

 

They will always have something in common: { their child. }

 

Your insecurity is quite evident and he may have played on that to get leverage power in the relationship.

 

Honestly. If hes using drugs and still wants his ex.....let him have her.

 

I feel sorry for you and for the child.

[Sharee]

The drugs is a no-brainer but my ego is crushed if he still wants this woman - she is a (female dog) and unattractive on top of it. Does it sound like he wants her back?

[Mary3]

You tell me what he is doing and I will tell you what I think :

 

Is he calling her ? ( and of course he will say its because of the child....but is it ? )

[Sharee]

No - I have been around enough to know and also looked in his call logs. She calls him 1 or 2 times a day. He says for the kid and the also each own half of a business that they are battling a lawsuit settlement for so that is another reason. Keep in mind SHE filed for divorce and then subsequently started seeing one of his partners who was also going thru a divorce. Supposedly her new bf has not actually gotten one after all this time hmm.... They were living together in an apartment (her and her new bf) she just bought a house and he did not move with her but they are still dating. My ex says that just after she moved she decided she could not make the house payment and will have to sell. Strange? He just moved to a new apt so I know he isn't going to move in or anything like that. Wonder if she was counting on her new bf for subsidising. Keep in mind my ex also has supervised visitation with the kid so he has to arrange to go over there to see his son.

[Mary3]

If you could break these up into paragraphs it would be easier for me to read

 

I think the calling can be sensible or it can be suspicious...keeping in mind they have a child together and a business.

 

I say follow your gut instinct. If it smells like a rat and looks like a rat then it probrobly is a * rat * .

 

No-one but you can possibly know what is going on over there and what you feel like.

 

Don't let him play you,.