Loveair Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 My friend is dating every now and then with guys she's meeting online. After texting for just a short while, meeting once or maybe twice, and then it gets quiet as a rejection, seems pretty normal. But. A couple of times she had long conversations, between 2 and 3 months, because of distance and the planing behind it. She then felt she really got to know these guys. One guy said she was great but they didn't connect. But the other guy just didn't say anything, no questions afterwards at all. But always answered when she asked, he wanted to see her again for sure etc. From a very long friendly, polite level for months and being very generous on the date, to nothing. So confusing. If it's his way of rejection, it's not nice. It's now been weeks since they talked. Is it ok to ask him about this straight up? When texting very long before meeting in real, it seems like a must to be more polite in rejection, right?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Not nice, but these guys don't owe your friend a pleasant form of rejection. Is un-wanted rejection ever pleasant? Welcoming? Another thing is that these are long distance. They are likely much more focused on local dating than your friend who is long distance. It is common for people to come to the realization that a long distance relationship is more trouble than it's worth. We may not like the whole disappearing act, but it is part of OLD.
act00 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Ghosting seems to be pretty normal nowadays. It's certainly easier on the ghoster than the ghostee. I had no indication things were headed south when I got ghosted, and we saw each other in person for a couple months. In any case, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask what is going on. She should just write him off at this point just the same, but aside from wounding her ego by putting herself out there, accepting he'll probably say he's not interested or say he is but continue silence, it's worth it to clarify what's going on. It seems a lot of people don't realize just how difficult distance can be until they actually have to make the trip. I don't know what they build up in their heads, but after doing it, it turns out to suck. Plus these "out of town" relationships can be shady. It could be she didn't turn out to be rich enough or something. That's not to say it can't work out. My ex met his current wife LD. She needs to take the hint. If she's finding she always texts first and that's the only communication she gets, if at all, it's over. It hurts, but it's done. Sorry.
PegNosePete Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Is it ok to ask him about this straight up? Why bother? He's made it pretty clear that he's not interested. Your friend should concentrate on people who are interested in her, not too far away, who don't play stupid non-response games or are basically just time vampires. If a guy is interested then she will KNOW it. Don't text for months before meeting. Just say hey how about we grab a drink this thursday or whatever. Don't bother with people who are too far away anyway.
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