sweet honeydew Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 If you just like someone, having good chemistry but doesn't get that butterfly feeling, should you pursuit the relationship? I am over 40 and wonder if I am compromising settling for comfort/trust/care/etc. I don't want to regret it, but doesn't want to wait for "novel romance" that would never come either. What are your experiences?
basil67 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 For me, the butterfly feelings come with infatuation and lust. By the time I know it's love, my stomach is back to normal. 4
dishwater Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 If you just like someone, having good chemistry but doesn't get that butterfly feeling, should you pursuit the relationship? I am over 40 and wonder if I am compromising settling for comfort/trust/care/etc. I don't want to regret it, but doesn't want to wait for "novel romance" that would never come either. What are your experiences? Butterflies mean nothing, but look at all the qualities. Does he show empathy toward others (not just for you)? That is extreme in importance because if he doesn't sync to others he doesn't understand life. Is he reliable and keep his word? Is he steady? Is he sickly? Really pay attention... Is he good in the sack? Does he have vigor? Does he love it or does he seem lazy? Is he in hock or does he pay his bills in a timely manner? Not what he says but really--take your time and confirm all these so called qualities. These are all basics that I should have paid attention to and didn't because my soon to be ex had a good sense of humor. I valued that quality and took his word on many of the others, much to my chagrin. I think you will fall truly in love with a GOOD man even if you didn't start out loving him, even if he's not exciting. As the years go on you will love him more and more. I know that because I've been there. The butterflies are for the exciting men. A truly GOOD man will give you butterflies later. It's up to you to determine if he's truly a good man and you should really do your homework because it effects the rest of your life. And remember, the marriage license is only for the municipality to collect registration fees and for lawyers to collect divorce fees. A marriage of heart is a heck of a lot cheaper. 1
BaileyB Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 For me, the butterflies came later... When I knew that I loved him, and he loved me. I still get them sometimes when I look at him, and think about how lucky I am to have him in my life. Butterflies are highly over-rated. So many other, more important things to consider, when choosing someone who will be a good partner. 3
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I agree that the butterflies do come later. The butterflies are in the larvae stage in the beginning and sprout wings over time if the relationship is mutually satisfying and nurturing/feeding them. They start flying when the "conditions" are right. And, over time, the butterflies land at various times while they are feeding/resting/tending to themselves and then start flying again. The butterflies that people feel in the early stages are not butterflies at all. They are moths being drawn to a tiny bit of light that's there and usually it doesn't matter what kind of light it is . . . I say, if a person is feeling an overwhelming butterfly feeling right away, it's simply just the very high hope that that new person will be the ONE so that their dating journey can be over. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice feeling, but it needs to be balanced with logic and with objectivity and managed expectations. 1
Gaeta Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Anxious butterflies at the beginning are only a chemical reaction in the brain. It means nothing as the feeling is based on nothing but the look of the person as we know nothing of them yet. The real butterflies come later when you get to know the person and you fully appreciate who they are at the core. I did not feel the initial butterflies with my BF. It started about 3 months in when I realized what a good man with a good heart he was. 1
JuneL Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I got butterflies only when I had strong attraction/feelings for someone and I felt he also felt the same. I think it originated from the excitement of knowing that your strong affection was reciprocated. I have only gotten butterflies less than a handful of times so far. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) i dont depend on butterflies...they dont live long in real life or in stomachs..fleeting feelings...im a cocoon girl....i like the warm safe caring reliable lasting feeling.....that comes externally..as an empath its really a necessity.......how the guy treats me how he feels for me that just feels right and good..the cocoon i feel around me...ill take that any day over butterflies..... in fact cocoons make me happier than having butterflies.....cocoons for me personally...are a rare and beautiful thing..extremely hard to find a man that says he cares for me whom i care for and am attracted to(has to be reciprocal)...i can feel completely safe with...cant really say ...i have had a cocoon....thought i might have once...it was an illusion...as are butterflies....often.....deb Edited June 1, 2017 by todreaminblue 4
mikeylo Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 The best relationships are those where the butterflies come later and keep coming even after being together for quite a while. There are certain gestures that my wife of 24 years does. They still give me butterflies! They evolve. If they come first thing in a relationship, they don't last. It's based on superficial things, not the warts and quirks. If you are looking for butterflies to judge someone's love prospect then I guess you are looking for the wrong thing. Get to know a person first. While going on a date , waiting for chemistry, if you like them or not , physical attraction, is a lot of work with no guarantee, that's the way it is. 2
smackie9 Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 You are at an age where you don't have time for such silliness. Your focus is on finding someone who is compatible, reliable, loyal, respectful, and will fit into you life. It's about priorities being first. You date to get to know one another, and see if feelings will progress. It shouldn't take any longer than about 6 months or less to figure this out. 2
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