hollieruffell Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 i had reason to believe my partner took drugs the other day. i never normally check his phone but i did and there was proof he took stuff. i yelled at him abd accused him but nevrr said i had seen his phone. and we fell out big time cos he said he hasnt took stuff. i dont want to tell him that ive seen his phone but no he is lying. how do i bring it up again and get to the truth without telling him i went on his phone
basil67 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Yelling at and accusing someone is the best way to get them to lie to you. Had you asked him about it in a non accusatory way, you may well have had a very different outcome. I think you've shot yourself in the foot on this one. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 First think long & hard about why you want to date a lying druggie. Then just tell him you saw his phone. I mean what's the big deal? Your relationship is headed for the end anyway. You have no trust, nor should you. What's left? 2
Author hollieruffell Posted May 31, 2017 Author Posted May 31, 2017 we are a family and have a daughter. this is the first time in a longggg time that something like this has happened. i have reasons why he went down that path and think from what j gather was a one off. i just wish i had thought before i acted. its hard to know how to take it from here
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 If you share a child you have to talk to him. It's not even as much of an invasion of privacy as what's in the best interest of your child & drugs are not. He could go to jail. Your child could be taken away. Get the aggressive word "confront" out of your thinking but do talk to him. 2
Redhead14 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 i had reason to believe my partner took drugs the other day. i never normally check his phone but i did and there was proof he took stuff. i yelled at him abd accused him but nevrr said i had seen his phone. and we fell out big time cos he said he hasnt took stuff. i dont want to tell him that ive seen his phone but no he is lying. how do i bring it up again and get to the truth without telling him i went on his phone You don't have to bring it up again. You make a statement: I will not tolerate drug abuse in a relationship nor will I tolerate lying. PERIOD. If it happens again, you're out. 4
mikeylo Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 There isn't a once off thing in drugs if that's the path he wants to follow. How old is your child ?
Bearded Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 So, being new here I don't know if this is a Christian or religious site... but regardless we can all get along and I can post relevant, honest feedback from a different perspective that I've seen replies posted so far; What drug? I mean it might be an important question... if you are talking about pot, alchohol or a back pain pill (once!) maybe you ought to give him some slack! Sure, I guess one could argue that this poster smokes a joint, drinks a cocktail and takes a back pill (once!) if I feel stressed... However, there is a huge difference between soft drugs and hard drugs. Sure if he asked his buddy Charlie could he score an 8ball of crystal meth; or went on a two day crack binge, then I understand your rightful concern... however, if your SO smoked a joint... maybe it's the best for YOUR relationship... maybe it's a much better evil than him coking home and being a negative partner. At any rate, you asked what to DO... personally, and I'm a gentleman... I'd prefer my SO to just tell me outright that she looked in my phone. I mean, this isn't rocket science and I've looked in my SO's phone; I'm sure she's looked in mine. If your phone is so cherished that you will not let your partner access it, maybe him talking about his Friday night party choice isn't your main problem!! I'd prefer my SO just come out and tell me - she looked in my phone, saw text messages to Charlie about using and... then I'd know I need to answer honestly and with intent. I mean y'all have a child, so if there's a drug PROBLEM, you need to help your SO! Drug use isn't something you leave someone over, well at least at the onset, IMO. It's something you help them THROUGH. There is absolutely an out and ending to it; with help from your FAMILY. Not putting any blame at all on you, but do remember that.... family... that's YOU. (And him, of course!) he needs to answer to you about his shortcomings... and I believe you shouldn't be so hard on him... Am I the only crazy one who thinks this way here? Hoping this site is for me because I have my own issues to discuss... so I'm interested in seeing the replies forthcoming. Thanks, and I hope I shed a different light on this subject than other replies... Paul
Bearded Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 There isn't a once off thing in drugs if that's the path he wants to follow. How old is your child ? Sure there is. Someone could smoke a joint once. Heck. Someone could do any drug once... it's not out of the realm of possibility. However, I think a statement that would make more sense is; there's not a once off in the morals and life choices in ones thinking about drugs. I.e., if he thinks pot is ok.... he probably will always think pot is ok. Or if he thinks that type of life is ok, that might be a moral held closely.... but remember folks, drug users need help - not a divorce. IMO... Paul
Bearded Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 You don't have to bring it up again. You make a statement: I will not tolerate drug abuse in a relationship nor will I tolerate lying. PERIOD. If it happens again, you're out. I think this is great advice; other than the if it happens again you're out bit. Like folks... if the husband has a problem, shouldn't think wife support and help him through it? And from the info posted, we don't have the data needed to make these heavy statements that are being made... like; maybe the ole boy just let loose... once... I mean man, we are frying the guy over .... what might be nothing. Please, OP, post and say he went on a crystal meth binder and he's 5 years deep in addiction- even then I think FAMILY, a WIFE with a kid involved helps the guy THRU this. I mean man.... if my SO would walk because one bad decision of mine - or even 100, if it hasn't shown it's head yet... that's no SO I'd want to be married to!! And I crazy here, everyone?? I mean I am a subset of normal America here. Not a crazy wahoo.... lol. Paul
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