Author Jmeti000 Posted June 3, 2017 Author Posted June 3, 2017 Thats just it though, she lied about being over her ex and the length of time she'd been single. She even said she'd dated a few other people. How can you make a decision to stay away when someone lies about those things? And then to just end it the way she did? Its all total bull***** and I didnt deserve any of it.
preraph Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Well, didn't take long for me to come back here lol. I'm actually spending time with family this weekend trying ti keep my mind off things, buuuuuut sometimes its better thsn others. I think I'm starting to get a little upset with her the more I think about it. So, I feel like she basically lied to me in the begining about the length of time she was single to get me to open up to her so she could use me as her rebound. Am I right? And If so why would you mislead anyone like that? If I would have known she was THAT fresh out of something I NEVER would have opened myself up like I did despite her constant asking and would have approached things VERY different. I was thinking before maybe in thr end I at least meant SOMETHING to her, but now maybe not so much and she just wanted a person, any person, to use and discard and didn't ever (nor does she) care about my feelings Sorry, obviously I'm still processing. I don't think it was that deliberate. I think she did what a lot of men and women do and go into a new relationship thinking this one will be the ideal guy she has in her head, has always had in her head, and then the longer they're with you, the more they realize this isn't that same man in their head. Of course the hope is one day they will find someone and go Well this isn't the ideal guy in my head, but he's a great type of guy that I think I might like just as well. It's okay to be angry. It's a step in the mourning process.
Author Jmeti000 Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) I'm just back to vent. I'm still pissed, at times borderline livid. Been keeping myself busy but it seems no matter I do I can't stop thinking about how crappy what she did was, and why for once I actually took someone at their word instead of reading between the lines. I feel like I was used. She lied to me in multiple ways, turned her back on me without a second thought as to the emotional or psychological effect it would have on me, and she didnt even respect me enough in the end to allow for a dialog. When I met her she came across as a strong, independent, and confident woman. I can't imagine a person with those attributes ever feeling like they need to do anything she did to another human being to comfort themselves. The more I think about everything the more I conclude it was a facade, nothing more than a mask shes hiding behind because in reality she's emotionally weak and in the end proved spineless too...her Kung Fu is not strong. Disclaimer: this is just how I'm feeling today and I'm sure it will change again as I seem to be floating between about 80% angry 20% sad right now, but hopefully I'll get to indifference sooner rather than later. Edited June 8, 2017 by Jmeti000
Author Jmeti000 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Posted June 28, 2017 Soooo just an update. Ive been NC for a month almost to the day now. Some days are better than others. Most days I feel like I've accepted what happened. Like maybe its for the best and since she started the whole thing off with lying I dodged a bullet. I actually find that kind of ironic since she preached about honesty and even ran my BG check the first week we were talking to check my vitals and make sure I was on the up and up (she works in law enforcement). Anyways, I did have one break down last weekend, but I chocking that up to much alcohol and PMS lol. Another plus to anyone that reads this and a HUGE thank you to my ex, the weight loss. the "sadness diet" and loads of exercise to keep yourself busy does wonders for your waistline. Still not quite ready to get back out there though. I think about it, but really I'd be doing it for the wrong reasons and I'm just not ready to open myself up again at this point. Oh well, all in due course I guess. Anyways, thanks again everyone for all your help and will continue to keep you posted if anything changes.
Author Jmeti000 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 So I log on to my online dating acct. tonight (I know Im not ready but Im still nosey and look around) and I see my ex's new profile glaring at me in the face and it feels like a punch to the gut. I live in a super small town and online dating is pretty much how I meet people in the big city until I get another position and can move. How am I supposed to do a true NC (btw she cant see my profile, its hidden and I'm creeping since I'm not ready/looking to meet anyone) when I see her profile online and there's no way to block it out? I was doing ok until tonight. Yeah I still had my bad days, but they were getting fewer and not so bad. Now I feel like I'm back in my angry phase and going WTF?!? all over again. I thought this was supposed to get easier, thanks to the universe for this nice little jab:mad:
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2017 Posted July 1, 2017 Truth is, 99% of the time, people break up with you in order to find someone else. They do not really need space or time to sort out their head or any other excuse they may come up with. Bottom line is that YOU are not the person they want to spend any more time with. They may be happy being your friend, they may still like you a lot, but when they decide to split, they are looking to date someone else. So it is hardly any surprise that they redo their OLD profiles is it?
Author Jmeti000 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) When someone says they to you they aren't ready and they need to get over someone else, yes it is a bit of a surprise. I basically let her set the speed in the relationship. So why give a lame excuse? Whats wrong with the truth? If you dont feel the vibe happening then just say that. Id rather have the cold hard truth of having someone say its just not clicking for them than having them lie (again) and say they arent ready for what we had even though everything was apparently great (or so she led me to believe). Theres back story that adds to my confusion...like the things she would say in little notes she randomly left in hidden places for me to find when we'd part ways ( for the record the things she said in them I couldnt imaging saying to a person you dont care deeply for), or how she liked to leave little things at my place to "mark her territory", or getting upset because I packed an article of my clothing to take home while on a trip that she wanted to keep with her 3 days before she decided to dump me. Seriously, who wants to keep someones cloths 3 days before they dump them?!? (and yes, Im still pissed about losing a couple hoodies of which she made sure to take my favs). And now Im pissed and reeling again about how she lied to me in the beginning to the cruel way she handled the breakup, and now this. Like I said, I was doing ok and feeling pretty good, almost like maybe I dodged a bullet. And now Im just pissed off about again. Whats wrong with not lying and leading someone on, telling them the truth, and treating them like a person with feelings instead of a piece of trash to be discarded without a care in the world?? Edited July 1, 2017 by Jmeti000
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