30 dates and still won't make out with me.

[LivingWaterPlease]

i find kissing much closer an intimacy than sex itself.....theres reasons for this....one being i guess stemming from childhood....abuse...my abuser never kissed me had sex with me yeah, never kissed, when i was an escort i refused to kiss clients ..its the only one area i could keep for myself was ...my kisses and being kissed.....i told a guy once when i was on a first date look i havent kissed anyone in a while because i knew he was angling his body for one ......and he proceeded to feel he should show me how easy it was like riding a bike he said....to stick his tongue down my throat and slobber over my lips....hence...one date only.....

 

kissing is intimate and to me ...really special...because its the only thing i have to really keep for me and the man i wish to stay with..me kissing someones cheek is special or them kissing mine is special and for friends and family i trust and love.....who love me...and guys might find me strange....but ....i cant say many are disappointed if they show patience and give me time to feel....secure....and that i feel they are with me like i am with them........

 

and like you i have a feeling it might be special for ops lady too.....deb

 

I get it, deb! Makes total sense to me. Wow, you have been through a lot but you have come out on top, keeping your sense of value and femininity. Good for you! I pray God brings someone special to you!

 

Also, looking forward to hearing what OP has to post next. I believe his lady really likes him a lot and when he sets all the other hookups aside she may very well get cozy with him.

[planb1973]

You all are confusing me more than she is. I hear the women here saying she probably is really into me and the men saying drop her an move on. I've kept my options open while dating her simply because she has never given me anything to go on. One date she seems into me and the next I get the opposite. like this last weekend, concert night she was to the point of inviting me to her place, then the next night at the soccer match she would barely even touch me.

 

Cut and run is always an option. and I am leaning that direction. There are other aspects about her that I haven't gotten to here yet. Dates for instance, the soccer match was the first time ever that she asked ME out. And communication, well she always responds quickly to a text but only twice that I remember did she initiate anything. So for me not bringing up anything about being exclusive was simply due to the fact that she is only putting in 10% of the work needed to start a real relationship. My hesitations for pursuing her, or courting her, in earnest are justified by her lack giving me anything to go on. Would I be exclusive with her, hell yes. Something about her I really like and would give up my other options right away. But why would I give up what I do have going on for someone who is not doing a very good job of showing, with action, real interest.

 

I feel played, she feels payed. Who knows what the hell is going on here. I do want one more sit down with her to be more direct in my intentions.

[thefooloftheyear]

You all are confusing me more than she is. I hear the women here saying she probably is really into me and the men saying drop her an move on. I've kept my options open while dating her simply because she has never given me anything to go on. One date she seems into me and the next I get the opposite. like this last weekend, concert night she was to the point of inviting me to her place, then the next night at the soccer match she would barely even touch me.

 

Cut and run is always an option. and I am leaning that direction. There are other aspects about her that I haven't gotten to here yet. Dates for instance, the soccer match was the first time ever that she asked ME out. And communication, well she always responds quickly to a text but only twice that I remember did she initiate anything. So for me not bringing up anything about being exclusive was simply due to the fact that she is only putting in 10% of the work needed to start a real relationship. My hesitations for pursuing her, or courting her, in earnest are justified by her lack giving me anything to go on. Would I be exclusive with her, hell yes. Something about her I really like and would give up my other options right away. But why would I give up what I do have going on for someone who is not doing a very good job of showing, with action, real interest.

 

I feel played, she feels payed. Who knows what the hell is going on here. I do want one more sit down with her to be more direct in my intentions.

 

I mean no disrespect, and you seem like a good guy. take your advice here...Be direct...Put it frankly and don't waffle...Watch her body language to see if she is being evasive..

 

Id have bailed long ago...I understand and respect the ladies here that are saying she is holding out because she doesn't want to be hurt, etc..I just don't see it in this case...

 

For what its worth, I have a friend who's story is eerily like yours...He's been doing this garbage for 4 years now...She even told him that he was "option C" as far as a date goes and to "not take it the wrong way".(meaning if she has other better things to do, then he falls down the list)...She also never initiates, just like your deal..

 

And this idiot still trying to crack that rock...

 

I think why some women don't see a problem here is that a lot of them would do the same thing in the same circumstances..Men generally wont do that ...that's why most men are telling you to bail..Its been my experience that some women feel like they need validation having a guy around, even if there is no sexual/romantic attraction...

 

See if she'll put her money where her mouth is...There isn't necessarily all that much wrong with what she is doing to you as long as you are willing to play by her rules..Do you want to do this??

 

TFY

[phineas]

Thats fine you can back up a woman thats having sex with other men in less amount of dates.

 

The woman is having 30+ dates at the mans expense.

 

Will not even kiss him.

 

Proceed that without knowing this woman that she is fun intelligent, and what confident men seek.

 

That is what you're backing and no guy should subject him self to this as no woman should subject her self to this.

 

While this is all true and i despise women like this, ultimately she can't do this to an unwilling participant.

 

At some point even a lab rat realizes it will get zapped with electricity every time it goes for a certain piece of cheese.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I mean no disrespect, and you seem like a good guy. take your advice here...Be direct...Put it frankly and don't waffle...Watch her body language to see if she is being evasive..

 

Id have bailed long ago...I understand and respect the ladies here that are saying she is holding out because she doesn't want to be hurt, etc..I just don't see it in this case...

 

For what its worth, I have a friend who's story is eerily like yours...He's been doing this garbage for 4 years now...She even told him that he was "option C" as far as a date goes and to "not take it the wrong way".(meaning if she has other better things to do, then he falls down the list)...She also never initiates, just like your deal..

 

And this idiot still trying to crack that rock...

 

I think why some women don't see a problem here is that a lot of them would do the same thing in the same circumstances..Men generally wont do that ...that's why most men are telling you to bail..Its been my experience that some women feel like they need validation having a guy around, even if there is no sexual/romantic attraction...

 

See if she'll put her money where her mouth is...There isn't necessarily all that much wrong with what she is doing to you as long as you are willing to play by her rules..Do you want to do this??

 

TFY

 

TFY is on target. You need to be direct with her at this point.

 

The way she is behaving is similar to how I would behave in the same circumstances. Though, actually, I broke up with a guy I was crazy about with whom I had a similar relationship to the one you describe with this woman. Thought he was a player. But, he'd told someone I was the one he always came back to. I didn't want to be the one he came back to, though. I wanted to be the only one. We never had a discussion, that was long ago, but I should have talked it out with him. However, I was waiting for him to take the lead.

 

Anyway, except for sleeping with the other guy, the way your girl is behaving is similar to how I would have under the same circumstances. Except at this point, older and wiser, I believe I'd initiate a discussion, can't be sure though. I do like a man who takes charge!

 

But, have a frank talk with her about it. Sit on a sofa in a dimly lit room with soft music in the background, facing each other and show her another side of yourself. The thoughtful side of a man who is ready to move the relationship to a new level. The two of you have too much to lose if you don't. You enjoy each other so much!

 

I believe she's waiting for you to make a more committed move and after thirty dates and the way you feel about her couldn't you see your way to try out an exclusive relationship with her? If it still doesn't seem to work out and she continues not to be interested in kissing, then ya, I wouldn't stick around. You can always break it off then, though. After all you won't be engaged or married!

 

However, be on notice that since it's taken this long (if you've had thirty dates with her but been busy with many others you may have dated her for more than six months?) for you to drop the others and concentrate on her she may need a few weeks to fully grasp that you'll have a singular relationship with her. She'll be pinching herself to see if she's dreaming or not, I believe. But, be patient, I believe it will be worth it. The way you have described your interactions together with her I'd bet you'll find you have a very, um, lively woman on your hands. This woman likes you.. a lot!

[planb1973]

So it happened!!

 

And holly **** I might be the one who is scared now.

Lots to fill in here but I'll get right to it. We had been on a couple more dates, she even met most of my family while I had my sailboat out at a music fest. The last night of the festival she was out on the boat as was an ex of mine, talk about awkward, and I witnessed a standoff between two woman as to who would be staying the night. She pulled a "I've had too much to drink and am going to sleep right here" move and the ex left. Nothing happened that night as I was fairly intoxicated, but woke up half naked with her.

 

Now for the night when the dead was done. There is this fancy new restaurant I had been wanting to try so I picked her up at 7:00. She is definitely attractive, but this night she took sexy to a whole new level. I've always had a hunch she was a bit of a wild one, though always overly tame with me. As dinner was winding down she suggested going to a strip club. And the wild child came out!

 

I rarely go to strip clubs and never had I taken a date to one. The girls at the club loved her, she was after all wearing a very tight short black dress... and the next thing I know she was pulled up on stage with her dress pulled up reveling the fact she had forgotten her panties at home, and was being groped by a number of the dancers... Wow, Wow, Wow! I did not expect to see that!

 

So after shutting the place down I took her straight to my place. I wont get into detail but things turned into something out of a porn movie. For anyone who thought she might be a prude you are so wrong. There is a side of her that I DID not think was there! Frankly she made me a bit nervous, almost scared, with the things she wanted me to do! Kinky level 10.

 

As I'm writing this I am even more confused as to why, with her ferocious sexual appetite, she waited almost a year to even make out with me.

[stillafool]

Maybe she wants to marry you. Women hold out for potential husbands but give it up quick to guys they don't see a future with.

[oneinamillion93]

Meanwhile others kiss on the second date and sleep with each other on the third date.

30 dates is too many dates to excuse for not making out with you.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me tho

[guest569]

She still hasnt kissed you? First went on stage half naked and got groped by "strangers". Sounds a bit odd for a first time. How long ago was all this and have you kept in contact or made plans to meet again?

[BaileyB]

So it happened!!

 

And holly **** I might be the one who is scared now.

Lots to fill in here but I'll get right to it. We had been on a couple more dates, she even met most of my family while I had my sailboat out at a music fest. The last night of the festival she was out on the boat as was an ex of mine, talk about awkward, and I witnessed a standoff between two woman as to who would be staying the night. She pulled a "I've had too much to drink and am going to sleep right here" move and the ex left. Nothing happened that night as I was fairly intoxicated, but woke up half naked with her.

 

Now for the night when the dead was done. There is this fancy new restaurant I had been wanting to try so I picked her up at 7:00. She is definitely attractive, but this night she took sexy to a whole new level. I've always had a hunch she was a bit of a wild one, though always overly tame with me. As dinner was winding down she suggested going to a strip club. And the wild child came out!

 

I rarely go to strip clubs and never had I taken a date to one. The girls at the club loved her, she was after all wearing a very tight short black dress... and the next thing I know she was pulled up on stage with her dress pulled up reveling the fact she had forgotten her panties at home, and was being groped by a number of the dancers... Wow, Wow, Wow! I did not expect to see that!

 

So after shutting the place down I took her straight to my place. I wont get into detail but things turned into something out of a porn movie. For anyone who thought she might be a prude you are so wrong. There is a side of her that I DID not think was there! Frankly she made me a bit nervous, almost scared, with the things she wanted me to do! Kinky level 10.

 

As I'm writing this I am even more confused as to why, with her ferocious sexual appetite, she waited almost a year to even make out with me.

 

Is this for real? Because it sounds so bizarre.

 

I know that you've invested a lot in this woman, but she sounds messed up about sex and relationships. This is not normal behavior.

[Whodatdog]

I guess its just me, but I really dont believe any of this.

[mortensorchid]

That's just odd. Not just her behavior but yours as well. Why are you even bothering with this woman? She is clearly not interested in you in that way, and she could care less if you ever contact her again. What she is doing is using you for free dinners and whatnot. I am moreso concerned about you. Why are you continuing to pursue things? Do you think she is going to come around and melt? You're having a good time, you said, but a good time doing what? And on top of that she's seeing other men, you know about it, but it doesn't bother you?

 

Move on. It's not worth it.

[planb1973]

I know it all sounds very bizarre, but it was all very real. This happened just two nights ago, and last night we went out again to a comedy show. Hungover and running on 2 hours sleep with me having to get home to my son meant nothing happened like the night before. All of this is so very strange! And trust me I am fully aware that something is NOT right with this behavior. For now I'm just going to run with it and keep both eyes wide open.

[mortensorchid]

I know it all sounds very bizarre, but it was all very real. This happened just two nights ago, and last night we went out again to a comedy show. Hungover and running on 2 hours sleep with me having to get home to my son meant nothing happened like the night before. All of this is so very strange! And trust me I am fully aware that something is NOT right with this behavior. For now I'm just going to run with it and keep both eyes wide open.

 

Do you just want someone to do things with? It sounds like that's all you are truly interested in. Say if you want to go do some activity, do you call any and all other friends and none of them are available or interested so you call her because she'll always say yes?

 

If so, better to go and do things alone rather than these bizarre outings.

[SammySammy]

Do you just want someone to do things with? It sounds like that's all you are truly interested in. Say if you want to go do some activity, do you call any and all other friends and none of them are available or interested so you call her because she'll always say yes?

 

If so, better to go and do things alone rather than these bizarre outings.

 

Or find several other people to do things with. Several other women if he just likes female companionship. He's not required to only go out with this woman.

[SoThatHappened]

Welp, you did the "deed." Now I'd run away from this one.

 

If this is all true, nothing about her seems stable.

 

From not kissing you for months, to banging you after showing her cooter on stage...

 

Run Forest...

[planb1973]

Or find several other people to do things with. Several other women if he just likes female companionship. He's not required to only go out with this woman.

 

This is far from the only woman I go out with. Her lack of showing much interest since I've known her never made me focus on her. Curious and a bit confused over her mixed signals and the fact that she is lots of fun to hang out with has kept me making plans with her, but I never fully invested in her.

 

This latest twist to the story caught me completely off guard. It was a wild fun crazy night that I have zero regrets over and quite frankly would do it again. There is one major thing missing though with regards to a LTR, There is relatively no intimacy or affection from her, the two most important things for me in a relationship.

[Bastile]

It was a wild fun crazy night that I have zero regrets over and quite frankly would do it again.

 

You invested 30/40 dates into just getting a night of sex... and you'd "do it again".

 

Speechless. I rarely am.

 

There is one major thing missing though with regards to a LTR, There is relatively no intimacy or affection from her, the two most important things for me in a relationship.

 

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