Author planb1973 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 Hahaha what? She hooked up with someone else a few weeks ago, in the midst of the 30 dates with you, while not even giving you a kiss? Maybe she is a cougar who discovered her fetish after her marriage/divorce. Keeps you around because you are able to fulfill her emotionally and equal her maturity in conversation. But physically only goes for young stud boy toys. Well I have hooked up with 9 women since I met her, 3 of witch are regulars, so I guess I'm winning this game.
angel.eyes Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 Glad to hear you feel you're "winning"...? :confused: Not even sure what that means under these circumstances, when all you've gotten in close to a year is repeated cheek and one peck on the lips. Sorry, but based on the additional info that she's sleeping with another guy, she's definitely not into you in that way. She enjoys your company, the shared activities, the laughter, and your friendship. But for whatever reason, she isn't looking for anything else with you. One other thought--is it possible you have bad breath? Looking through your posting history, she's not the first woman to keep giving you the cheek after many dates. When was your last visit to the dentist?
dishwater Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I've definitely put my time into this woman! We met last summer through a dating site, I liked her right away so we keep going on dates. Every single date I have tried kissing her but only get the cheek. So I gave up perusing her romantically, but keep going out on "dates". She even posts about it on FB, but never is flirty with me, seems highly guarded around me, and her body language says don't touch me. What ever, I still have a blast hanging out with her and am somewhat intrigued buy the fact that she seems to like me but won't make any sort of move. So there we are last weekend, we had been spending a bit more time together lately, have plans for future events throughout the summer, and are currently on a day trip to the mountains. I was joking with her about how her FB posts about our "dates" are making some women jealous and we start talking in more depth about our dating lives past and present. At one point I bring up "us" mention we have been going out on "dates" for a long... she interrupts me finishing my sentence with "yes like 30 dates" and I ask why we have never even made out. She asks why haven't I made a move yet. Puzzled, I remind her that I have tried kissing her every single time but she only turns and gives me the cheek, that when I touch her she freezes and basically has a bullet proof shield around her. I go on to tell her I have been into her since the first date. She gets all excited telling me how much likes me, has been wanting to jump me since day one, that I am super handsome and very much a mans man, and she is totally into me... Here is where it gets even stranger. Hearing this I go right in for a kiss. And just get the cheek! WOW! At this point I have to get home to get my son so we start the hour long drive home. Waiting for the check she is apparently flustered and says next time we hang out we just need to get naked and do it. You would think at this point we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other and would probably be having sex in the car on the way home, which we don't. But we, mainly her, talk the whole way back about how great this thing between us could be. This for me is awesome! To end this story I get her back to her place, I am late to get my son mind you, I lean in for a passionate make out session and get my first, from her, peck on the lips. I am bewildered to say the least. She parts saying "Next weekend we are doing this!" and skips into her house. I mean really! 30 dates, we are scheduled to have sex next week and she still won't make out!!!!!!! This might be, at 40 years old, the strangest dating experience ever. Yeah it is. Right away, even before "serious" there's no passion on her part---just talk. I'd be wary dude. Looks to me like she's going for the diamond ring and without some passion and with her having so much control ie. lack of passion, a prelude for disaster. It seems she's a game player and you wouldn't want that for a long term relationship. I'd call 30 dates pretty long term as it is. It doesn't mean she has to go to bed with you, but to be so coy on the kissing speaks to me that she has a serious relationship already going on the side that she'd feel guilty about betraying. An admirable quality if she wasn't stringing you along too without explaining that. Or she's just hoping you'll come up with an offer more serious than a kiss or bed. If commitment isn't in your mind, you're better off looking elsewhere.
salparadise Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 And reluctantly admitted to having, after a dry spell, hooking up with some guy a couple weeks ago. Oh man, that's really weird. Thirty dates, not even a kiss and she hooked up with some random guy for sex... and then told you about it, which makes it even stranger! This is sounding more like a friendzone or buddy-buddy thing. My gut tells me that she is holding on to some past trauma and is simply scared. At first I was thinking she was reticent, demure, or genuinely holding back because of some kind of belief or value system... but hearing about the hookup kinda blows that out of the water. Do you not feel anything with respect to having invested in her so long and then she gives it up to some random guy? You responded before about having hooked up with a bunch of women yourself. Have you no feelings about that either? Maybe you're up for something unusual or in-between. I guess you must be if you're still hanging in there, and in light of the new information. Trauma? Yea, could be. Deep fear of real intimacy, but not of a purely physical thing. Who knows –– you two might just be the yen for each other's yang. But most rational people would've been outta there a long time ago.
Bastile Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 You're just an orbiter. And, I'm telling you, that you are nothing but an irritation to the guys that will be having sex with her. You're that "guy friend" she has who she goes and watches Bridget Jones' baby with, because the guy she actually wants is "busy" to indulge her in it. You're the guy she'll use to make her real priority jealous when he won't commit. Eventually she will forge a strong mutual relationship with someone, and you will be surplus to requirements. At that point, even your orbiter ways will have no value. The guy won't allow her to go see Bridget Jones' baby with you anymore. Maybe, in the meantime, if you hang around enough for her to be in a state of low self-esteem she will finally look for some comfort in your arms. Comfort is not attraction. Ditch her, and improve. 1
Author planb1973 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Posted June 1, 2017 I was more surprised to find out she had not had sex in almost a year than I was to find out she just had a couple weeks ago. My feelings on that are this. Sex is important, if for whatever reason she isn't that into me, has some intimacy issues, past trauma, or is just plain weird, she owes me nothing sexually. I don't blame her one bit for getting some. There is another aspect too I have thought about. My sister for instance is a complete slut, will sleep with just about anyone, man or woman, she doesn't seem to have any reservations. However if she really likes a guy she will hold out sometimes for months. Makes no sense to have sex within an hour of meeting someone, unless she actually likes them. And like I have said I'm not very emotionally invested in this woman. This strange behavior is enough warning signal to me to not invest much. Its more like a mystery novel I cant put down. I'm just dying to know what the hang up is. As for my relationship goals. It has been just over a year since my last serious relationship. For now I have stopped looking for a relationship. If the right thing drops in my lap I'll take it, but till then I have been enjoying being single and playing the field. I've always gone from one serious relationship to the next. So this year I decided to just get out and have fun. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I was more surprised to find out she had not had sex in almost a year than I was to find out she just had a couple weeks ago. My feelings on that are this. Sex is important, if for whatever reason she isn't that into me, has some intimacy issues, past trauma, or is just plain weird, she owes me nothing sexually. I don't blame her one bit for getting some. There is another aspect too I have thought about. My sister for instance is a complete slut, will sleep with just about anyone, man or woman, she doesn't seem to have any reservations. However if she really likes a guy she will hold out sometimes for months. Makes no sense to have sex within an hour of meeting someone, unless she actually likes them. And like I have said I'm not very emotionally invested in this woman. This strange behavior is enough warning signal to me to not invest much. Its more like a mystery novel I cant put down. I'm just dying to know what the hang up is. As for my relationship goals. It has been just over a year since my last serious relationship. For now I have stopped looking for a relationship. If the right thing drops in my lap I'll take it, but till then I have been enjoying being single and playing the field. I've always gone from one serious relationship to the next. So this year I decided to just get out and have fun. I wouldn't believe anything she says...but that's me... TFY 3
TaxMan Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 And like I have said I'm not very emotionally invested in this woman. This strange behavior is enough warning signal to me to not invest much. Its more like a mystery novel I cant put down. I'm just dying to know what the hang up is. I think if you've seen this woman 30 times and you're not emotionally invested yet, then she's clearly not the one for you. If you're just sticking around to find out the answer to a riddle, that's cool, but otherwise I'd suggest just moving on. In my case, I am very emotionally invested in my situation which is why I've stuck around for three months when plenty of others would have bailed. She's just different than other women I have met. And I too have met others in the interim and had fun with them but had not emotional connection so they didn't last. I can't imagine going on 30 dates without either the physical or emotional connection (or preferably both), but that's just me.
Purepony Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 I'm just wondering ...? How much have you spent on 30 dates ? 2
Fair Posted June 1, 2017 Posted June 1, 2017 This is just weird. I wouldn't trust this woman much. I just... wouldn't. 2
phineas Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 Odd....especially from a 40 year old... I'd be concerned about two things... -She really isn't that into you..but likes the attention..so she plays along...Lots of women do this to guys...at least the one's who tolerate it.. -She has some kind of hangup... FYI I have a buddy of mine that has been chasing this woman for over 4 years...He's in his 50's...She constantly plays a cat and mouse game with him, and has even given him some sex(maybe like 5 or 6 times in 4 years!)..I only think she does it to keep him from walking completely...Ive told him repeatedly to ditch her, but he can't see it.. Ironically...she only kisses him on the cheek... TFY LOL! i sadly know women like this from my social circle. Gave me the token sex then developed magnetic knee's. wasn't cause i was "just looking for sex" either. because they went on to date guys who literally just used them for sex. A few time's i ended up with just boobs and cuddling on the couch or in their bed after the one-time sex and made it clear I was only interested in dating (sex) and to let me know when they want to come to my place for the night. they still send me token texts trying to flirt or say things to me in person to dangle that sex carrot but i just ignore the texts and pretend i didn't hear them in person and treat them like one of guys. makes me lol at how they seek my attention. op don't be surprised if she get naked then won't have sex. personally i'd of stopped wasting my time but the investment OP has put in...gotta get in there at least once. I seriously hope OP has dated and had sex while dating this woman.
phineas Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 Well I certainly missed a conversation here while I was at work! Lets see if I can clarify some things. First I know its odd to go on so many dates with no action. After about 4 I gave up the romantic pursuit, but since I laugh till I cry when we hang out I kept asking her out when I had no other dates. I have had plenty of action and even a couple short term GFs during this time, so I am in no way holding out for her. She is not a virgin, or a man, that I am sure. From what I know she has had a healthy amount of relationships. She is in her 40s and was married for almost 10 years. I did find out that she had just gone the last 10 months with out sex, she said it was probably because she kept her guard up and scared men away. And reluctantly admitted to having, after a dry spell, hooking up with some guy a couple weeks ago. My gut tells me that she is holding on to some past trauma and is simply scared. It sounds like, minus her ex husband, that she goes for the bad boys, dates down, or goes for a young "boy toy", so she doesn't have to risk being hurt. Through some conversations I feel like I may be the first real catch she has come across in a long time and might just be highly intimidated by something real and good. And frankly what woman would go on so many dates with no action either. Its not for a free meal since we split cost for the most part. I will be going on date 31 for sure. I'm wondering if sex might just be something that allows me to break through her walls. I'm definitely curious. if she doesn't have a medical condition or mental condition i call BS.
mortensorchid Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 I'm moreso wondering why you are bothering to be with this person after 2 or 3 get togethers and she still won't kiss you on the mouth. Her reasons are one thing, but yours for seeing her again are not quite the same things, are they? All that aside remember this : If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it (which you are in this case), it will always linger and frustrate you. Have you asked her why she refuses to do anything other than a cheek kiss? If so, what does she say?
thefooloftheyear Posted June 2, 2017 Posted June 2, 2017 I'm moreso wondering why you are bothering to be with this person after 2 or 3 get togethers and she still won't kiss you on the mouth. Her reasons are one thing, but yours for seeing her again are not quite the same things, are they? All that aside remember this : If something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you choose to ignore it (which you are in this case), it will always linger and frustrate you. Have you asked her why she refuses to do anything other than a cheek kiss? If so, what does she say? He did.. She told him its because he "never made a move" ,,,or something of that ilk,,,So a bit later he does the same thing(makes a move, right?) and he gets the cheek Reminds me of the Peanuts comic...You remember when Charlie Brown wanted to kick a field goal while Lucy held it on the tee?? As he goes to kick it, she swipes the football away and he lands flat on his ass...They he does the "Oh, brother" frown...>Yep..Pretty much how he must feel,, Id sooner drag my nuts over a football field of broken glass then put up with that nonsense... TFY 3
hercules22 Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) way deep in the friendzone sounds like she just using you and doesnt really want to do anything else that involves intimacy Edited June 3, 2017 by hercules22
Author planb1973 Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 So date "31" happened last night. Actually I did a recount and in all reality its only been a dozen or so dates. I went into the date last night assuming sex was not going to happen. In the end she invited me to her place but we would have to be real quiet as her roommate was home. I declined the offer telling her that I was not up for just a cuddle and when we finally "do it" it's not going to be quiet. That and it was 2:00am and we were both exhausted. Call me crazy but I decided to wait for a better time. Her guard finally came down a bit last night. Still no heavy make out session but quit a bit more affection from her. We were at a concert but were sitting at a back table where we could talk a bit and I asked about this other guy and dug in a bit deeper as to her dating history over the last couple years. The other guy is already out of the picture, he turned into level 10 needy creep after a couple weeks, which seems to be a common thread. I straight up asked how he, and the few others she has been involved with, got through her bullet proof shield. Looking a bit ashamed she admitted that she used them just for sex. That since her marriage she has only jumped right into bed with men who were "disposable." Which surprisingly have not been as many as I would assume. All of this I understand. I've been doing the same thing for the last year or so. Though I have been far more active in my sex life than her. I haven't been involved with anyone that I see any future with. Just lots of sex. I did mention to her that this is feeling more like some sort of courtship than just a passing fling. She blushed big time. My gut is telling me that she has been hurt before and that I symbolize something more serious which is why she has been keeping her guard up. We shall see, she asked me out for a soccer match with the firm she works for tonight, looks like I will be meeting her co-workers. 1
Arieswoman Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Antihero #15 30 dates? It's 3 or GTFO. If they were attracted to you, intimacy would happen sooner than later; this girl is just using you for your resources. ^^^ That's pants. You're confusing sex with intimacy - they are not the same. You think that 3 dates, a movie, popcorn, a couple of tequila slammers and a bag of fries allows some guy to get into the most private parts of a girl ??? Well, maybe if they don't set the bar very high. You GTFO 4
salparadise Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 I straight up asked how he, and the few others she has been involved with, got through her bullet proof shield. Looking a bit ashamed she admitted that she used them just for sex. That since her marriage she has only jumped right into bed with men who were "disposable." Unh huh. She sounds like a sweetheart, a real catch. I did mention to her that this is feeling more like some sort of courtship than just a passing fling. She blushed big time. My gut is telling me that she has been hurt before and that I symbolize something more serious which is why she has been keeping her guard up. We shall see... Well, it's your life to lead as you wish, but banging a bunch of people you aren't interested in, while diligently courting a woman who is doing the same, but not sexing, or even kissing, you... and then openly disclosing her casual escapades... They say there's a lid for every pot and I guess this is evidence of something like that. This all seems so counterintuitive that should refrain from offering advice. I am obviously a neophyte, and this is way beyond my frame of reference. Carry on... seems like a match made in heaven.
Sweetfish Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 (edited) So date "31" happened last night. Actually I did a recount and in all reality its only been a dozen or so dates. I went into the date last night assuming sex was not going to happen. In the end she invited me to her place but we would have to be real quiet as her roommate was home. I declined the offer telling her that I was not up for just a cuddle and when we finally "do it" it's not going to be quiet. That and it was 2:00am and we were both exhausted. Call me crazy but I decided to wait for a better time. Her guard finally came down a bit last night. Still no heavy make out session but quit a bit more affection from her. We were at a concert but were sitting at a back table where we could talk a bit and I asked about this other guy and dug in a bit deeper as to her dating history over the last couple years. The other guy is already out of the picture, he turned into level 10 needy creep after a couple weeks, which seems to be a common thread. I straight up asked how he, and the few others she has been involved with, got through her bullet proof shield. Looking a bit ashamed she admitted that she used them just for sex. That since her marriage she has only jumped right into bed with men who were "disposable." Which surprisingly have not been as many as I would assume. All of this I understand. I've been doing the same thing for the last year or so. Though I have been far more active in my sex life than her. I haven't been involved with anyone that I see any future with. Just lots of sex. I did mention to her that this is feeling more like some sort of courtship than just a passing fling. She blushed big time. My gut is telling me that she has been hurt before and that I symbolize something more serious which is why she has been keeping her guard up. We shall see, she asked me out for a soccer match with the firm she works for tonight, looks like I will be meeting her co-workers. There is a saying that fits this thread perfectly. Alpha F*** Beta bucks While your girl is having sex with strong confident, but unreliable men you are sitting idle until she is ready to settle down.. She is reaping all the benefits of the emotional reliability of you and exercising her sexual desire with men she knows will get the job done. In summary you need to grow a pair and leave. You have spent way too many hours and way too much money and for what? You have been disrespected man... she is dating you and screwing other men? Wtf? No woman would approve this... Can you imagine a man telling a woman (oh, i just use women for sex who are disposable, your time will come.. i was just hurt from my last marriage) Give me a break.. Edited June 11, 2017 by Sweetfish 6
Author planb1973 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 Yep, last nights date made it all clear. I am in orbiter land. Though I have gone on a lot of dates with her, I recognized months ago that I was in the friend zone. I have lots of female friends so it really is not that big of a deal, and I do enjoy the arm candy. Her interest did seem to escalate lately and I thought maybe she was changing her tune. The reality is some women bring out the beta in me and some bring out the alpha. This one brings out the beta, I watched myself doing it. Though I amped up the advances she played along but I could tell she was distracted. This ship is leaving orbit! If she wants to get a hold of me in the future and get naked I'm down, but I am not asking her out anymore. Its obvious I am not what she is looking for. Water under the bridge at this point. Front row box office seats at last nights game, thanks to her, sure was a nice way to go out with a bang! 2
InvisiBlonde Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I have been in situations like this in the past where there's sort of a log jam I know how you mean this (and BTDT) but it just struck me so funny that I am literally wiping my eyes! ROFLMAO! 1
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I don't get why people just hover around waiting to see if anything happens. IMO everyone's time and effort should be considered as important. It was an invested interest that never paid off....stop doing that. Just be upfront about your expectations, and if they don't match you dump and go. 2
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