Should I tell him I how I feel?

[girlinNYC]

Hi all,

 

Well I guess the title is self explainatory: there is a guy I have fallen so hard for. I haven't felt this way about anyone before, and haven't even liked a guy in a long time prior to him. I've had guys show interest but I've never reciprocated, hence he being the first I've liked in a fair while. We see each other a few times a week as our workplaces are closeby, and I got to know his sister quite well (I was unaware they were related until she told me, I had already fallen for him at this point.) She doesn't know I like him at all, let alone how much.

He and I have spoken a variety of times, 99.9% of the time a positive experience, he's charming without being over the top. There definitely is chemistry there as I still to this day catch him looking at me. He does have a shy side.

 

I'm at a point where I've got all these feelings and it's driving me crazy not doing anything about it. I don't want to potentially miss out on something beautiful, especially when I'm essentially friends with his sister now too. What's motivating me is thinking 'what if he gets a new job and I never see him again' etc. I don't want to live with regrets. And I sure don't want him to be the one who got away. Part of me thinks the guy should make the first move re confessing feelings but reality is, life isn't a Disney film. He might even respect me for putting myself on the line.

Do I tell him how I'm feeling about him? My colleagues are saying I should. Or is it weird? Not weird? Ideas would be appreciated.

[1fish2fish]

Instead of pouring out your feelings to him which might be a tad overwhelming to him, how about suggesting grabbing a cup of coffee together?

 

And then see where it goes.

[girlinNYC]

Instead of pouring out your feelings to him which might be a tad overwhelming to him, how about suggesting grabbing a cup of coffee together?

 

And then see where it goes.

 

That might be overwhelming too considering it may be seen as asking him out on a 'date'. I think either way it'll be a touch awkward. One of those things.

[Kamille]

Pouring out your feelings before you've started dating can be awkward.

 

How about ramping up the flirting (touching him, standing close to him, looking at his lips, etc) so that he knows without any doubt that you are interested? Make sure he knows you wouldn't turn him down if he asked you out.

[girlinNYC]

Pouring out your feelings before you've started dating can be awkward.

 

How about ramping up the flirting (touching him, standing close to him, looking at his lips, etc) so that he knows without any doubt that you are interested? Make sure he knows you wouldn't turn him down if he asked you out.

 

Yeah, now that you've mentioned it it would be a touch awkward given we haven't been on a date. He doesn't know for certain that I'm single, and I've always played it super cool (haven't flirted with him at all because I've been nervous every time we have spoken in person) so he's most likely held back from making a move because of that. I guess the first thing to do is show interest.

Thank you.

[harrybrown]

this is not the 1950s.

 

Nothing wrong with asking him out for a date.

 

Does not have to be in Paris. See where it goes.

 

But do not overwhelm him with your feelings.

 

have you asked his sister if he is in a relationship?

 

You will regret not asking him out. That shows interest and that puts the ball in his court.

 

He should be flattered that you ask him out to spend time together.

 

Hope all goes well.

[girlinNYC]

this is not the 1950s.

 

Nothing wrong with asking him out for a date.

 

Does not have to be in Paris. See where it goes.

 

But do not overwhelm him with your feelings.

 

have you asked his sister if he is in a relationship?

 

You will regret not asking him out. That shows interest and that puts the ball in his court.

 

He should be flattered that you ask him out to spend time together.

 

Hope all goes well.

 

Thank you, very sound logic.

I haven't asked her, she has no idea I like him. I have seen his social media (through being friends with her on social media myself) and there's no sign of a girlfriend. I think the fact he would subtly flirt and always makes eye contact signifies that too. I do want to put the ball in his court, it's just finding the right way to do it. We haven't spoken in person in a few weeks, just the eye contact ha, so I feel it's a touch weird asking him to have coffee? I'm trying to source another way.

[d0nnivain]

That might be overwhelming too considering it may be seen as asking him out on a 'date'. I think either way it'll be a touch awkward. One of those things.

 

 

Asking someone out on a date is conventional. Announcing that you have feelings for someone you are not dating is creepy & weird. The first has a chance of succeeding. The second will send him running & probably causing him to mock you behind your back & almost guarantees he'll never speak to you again & even his sister will be like "what were you thinking?" Stay within social norms.

[girlinNYC]

Asking someone out on a date is conventional. Announcing that you have feelings for someone you are not dating is creepy & weird. The first has a chance of succeeding. The second will send him running & probably causing him to mock you behind your back & almost guarantees he'll never speak to you again & even his sister will be like "what were you thinking?" Stay within social norms.

 

True true, I guess I was just brainstorming ways. We haven't spoken in person in a few weeks, so even asking to go for coffee would be creepy too given circumstances? I don't want to fail before I've began.

[d0nnivain]

Coffee would not be creepy. Especially since you haven't spoken in weeks, reach out & say something like "Haven't seen you in a while. Wanna grab a coffee & catch up?"

[girlinNYC]

Coffee would not be creepy. Especially since you haven't spoken in weeks, reach out & say something like "Haven't seen you in a while. Wanna grab a coffee & catch up?"

 

Will do. Thanks!