Jasssles Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 (edited) Hey everyone, Maybe this is as confusing as it is for me. I'm not too sure if I am here to vent or get advice. Maybe both? Anyway, I (20 years old) have been with my boyfriend (also 20 years old) for about 3 years. I say about because we've broke up bewteeen those years for a couple months, twice. I left him, mainly because of what I'm about to tell you. Know that he is a great guy 90% of the time. I can talk to him for hours, we are into the same things, he helps me in times when I need. The only thing I can complain about is his anger. We both have terrible communication during arguments. Or atleast that's what I'm thinking. When he gets frustrated he will tell me to just "shut up, then it leads to "shut the f up" and it's during the time I am trying to explain to him about what happened or trying to explain to him that he shouldn't be this mad. I don't call him names, I don't insult him but if I don't shut up when he tells me to shut up. Shut up leads to horrible name calling and as long as he gets that mad he stays that mad until I somehow accept responsibility for my actions and try to fix things. I also find myself asking if he's into other girls, I often check for reassurance, which leads to the same thing. a recent example of a bad argument: I had to fix my car at my dads house. I chose to fix my radiator because it was starting to leak really bad, I chose to do this over a plan I had to go to his little cousins party that day. It was preplanned but I'm the only one of us two that has a car right now and I drive a hour to him a couple times a week and back home to work. I made my car a priority and I apologized to him that I couldn't go and plans changed (keep in mind I am almost always going to his family parties and his house) and he got super angry with me. Saying I'm pathetic and that I should just shut up and not make excuses and that I could have fixed the car a week from then instead and that I'm always ruining plans and calling me a bitch, saying that I'm hard to deal with and that he's tired of me and saying I'm a dumb ass. That night when I went to see him, and another one of his family's party, I remained quiet and felt out of place because only a couple hours before he was belittling me. It brings me down little by little, but every single time he calms down and apologizes, he remains sweet, humble, and a caring boyfriend until I say or do something he doesn't find right and it's back to name calling. I am stuck believeing that if I were to just shut up. Maybe everything will get better.. any advice ? Edited May 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
somanymistakes Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Sounds like he needs to grow up and learn how to handle his temper better. You shutting up and keeping your head down will NOT help him learn to grow up and behave better - it'll just tell him that the way he's acting now is fine. Because you are both young and you have been together from a young age, it may be difficult for you to convince him that he needs to examine himself at all while you are still dating him. He may not take you seriously unless you actually leave him. But he seriously needs to look at how he's behaving and find better ways to deal with his emotions and frustrations, he is not a healthy partner for anyone right now. And considering that you've broken up with him over this before and it still hasn't changed anything, you may also need to look into ways to remind YOURSELF that change is needed, and that you should not just give in and go back.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Everything will not get better. In all likelihood it will get worse. This guy is not fully matured yet. He doesn't understand prioritizing necessities over fun & he lashes out when he doesn't get his way. The third time is the charm. Break up & stay that way. The last 2 times you broke up over this same reason he didn't change. He's not going to grow up any time soon. As long as you are around, you will get more of the same.
hippychick3 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Your boyfriend is verbally abusive, and it will only get worse in time. This is not just about immaturity. Most young men do not abuse their girlfriends. Please leave him now before it escalates into physical abuse.
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