jeunemadmoiselle Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Hello all, A man and I meet whenever we're in the same place (usually every 6 months or so, as we both travel frequently and are from different cities) to have sex. We are not friends, really, (so more hookup partners than friends-with-benefits) although we'll occasionally text each other asking how we are and what we're up to, but mainly to plan the next sex session. Recently though he's been messaging me saying things like 'I haven't heard from you in a while, how are you?', and our chats will be as much about general conversation topics as they will the sex we have had together in the past/ plan to have. He's moving to the same city as me in a few months and asked me if I want to stay with him in his flat perhaps up to a week. If I agree, is this normal fwb behaviour? Staying overnight for one night is usually avoided as far as I understand, let alone a week. I'm just wondering if doing this (and for all intents and purposes living as pseudo boyfriend and girlfriend for a week) will be crossing the line from casual sex to somewhere else altogether..... 1
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 It sounds like he may be starting to catch feelings. He is trying to figure out if you'd be open to more. If you are, go for it. If you are not, stop hooking up with him. 5
RecentChange Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 I always stayed the night with one of my old FWB. I agree with the above poster, he may be catching feelings (a week is a bit much!) But there are not written rules for these sorts of things, and it's a matter of figuring out what works for both of you. I had a discussion recently with a friend regarding the various types of caring (and perhaps even love) that can be possible in different types of relationships. I had an on going FWB thing once upon a time. Initially it started something like you described, a hook up only. But eventually it progressed to more sharing, an occasional dinner, over nights. But there were a number of reasons why "us" as a couple didn't make sense, and I can't say I ever developed a romantic love for him (and as far as I know he did not for me). But I did CARE about him. Like a friend I was his cheer leader, gave dating advice, was thrilled when he first started talking about his now wife (I wanted him to find that special person)
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Maybe he is catching feelings or perhaps he just wishes to "hire" you for a week of sex and showing him around till he gets settled...
Simple Logic Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 Could be as simple as he wants to have sex every night for week. Could be he wants a girl friend and figures why not you. Could be he wants someone to clean his house. 1
Tribble Posted May 31, 2017 Posted May 31, 2017 No such thing as "normal behaviour". Every relationship is different and you set your own boundaries. I've stayed over with FWB. We even chatted about our lives and shared things naked in bed. There's something quite nice about being able to be completely honest and not worry about scaring someone off. I had a minor wibble when he complemented an outfit I was wearing. After one of our 'meetings', I quickly got ready to go out for a meal and he waited around as I was giving him a lift home. It felt so....relationshipy. But, he had just come out of a long term relationship. He was used to acting like a bf so I shrugged it off. The question is, are you comfortable with this? If you aren't, don't do it. These kind of relationships only work if the people in them are honest. Maybe he's looking to develop things further, maybe he wants wild sex for a week. You need to establish this and set boundaries. If you don't want it to go any further and he does, it's time to part ways.
NotASkunk Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 It sounds like he may be starting to catch feelings. He is trying to figure out if you'd be open to more. If you are, go for it. If you are not, stop hooking up with him. That's tough. I think FWB can 'catch feelings' (love this) without it having to become a full blown relationship. At least I hope. But we are both over 50. My FWB is truly a friend. He was a friend before the benefits. I don't want any more but I know he does. We talk about this and continue our FWB situation.
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